Mickey Mouse is a closeted pedophile nazi serial killer and I can prove it.

Mickey Mouse, beloved and iconic cartoon character, is a closeted gay nazi pedophile.

Why? Let's look.

Ever notice how distant Mickey seems with everyone? Even with his supposed girlfriend, who after 50 years of creepy ageless existance, he has refused to marry.

Mickey seems, at all times, as though he's trying very hard to put on a kind of act for the people around him-- pretending transparently to be a likeable guy but something much more sinister is foreboding. He sounds like he's under a lot of pressure to change his voice, and I imagine his normal speaking voice sounds much like a higher-pitched James Earl Jones. He typically stutters, or stops himself with his equivalant of "um, err", which is "oh ho!". This leads me to believe Mickey is also autistic.

Mickey was always more focused on getting away from his responsibilities as an uncle and a boyfriend, and seemed to prefer spending time with Donald, who is obviously a broken shell of a man whose wife is cheating on him, and Goofy, a generally good natured dog with downs syndrome who has fallen into a horrific town of sin and happy fronts.

Let's look at Chip and Dale. Mickey and Donald, acting out some disgusting ritual of dominance, attempt to destroy their home, even after realizing it has become inhabited. Considering everyone in the cartoons are animals, this would make Chip and Dale minorities, who he is trying to drive out of the neighborhood. Racism.

And the pedophilia.

See, Mickey Mouse has nephews, much like Donald. He seems to spend an ungodly amount of money on them, which means one of two things. Either he has some kind of feud with his never-before-seen brother and feels the need to spoil his children out of spite, or he is fucking them to keep them quiet.

If it is, for whatever reason, the former, then this leaves me to speculate. Why does he hate his sibling so much? Could this be the Pauper, from the story? In a time long since past, has the immortal cast of Mickey Mouse played out a royal blood feud?

I think it is possible.

Finally I assume the cartoons take place a secondary dimension and timeline.

You see, if Chip and Dale are minorities, this makes Pluto a minority as well. They rarely, if at all, speak, and still maintain more animal qualities than human.

Goofy, however, has seemed to become independently wealthy enough and study enough of post-modern America in the Disney universe (despite his disability, he is clearly retarded) and progressed up the social ladder. This is as it was in real life, pre-Civil Rights Movement. Certain minorities were considered to be on the same level as whites, if they had enough money and education.

Sadly, this doesn't much matter for him.

Goofy is still damned to ruin the already strained lives of everyone he encounters, intending to do good, but due to downs-syndrome and a likely case of something such as autism, probably something high functioning, completely fucking up the simplist of tasks.

That is why Pluto is a pet dog, and Goofy is just a dog. He is, obviously, some kind of Jim Crow euphamism.

(this is my friend, Steven's, story. NOT MINE. lol)