Unspoken bond
Unity of mind
Kindred spirits
Two souls entwined
Reflection on water
One girl and one beast.
Instincts forgotten
With honour released.
The touch of a hand
The look in an eye,
Speaks to the heart
Gentle as a sigh.
A primal connection
In body and soul,
Shared honour between
Two halves making a whole.
Author notes
Appologies if it seems abstract.......
A contest entry
- PIF Quicky Contest....only 15 spots! Reserve yours now! :0) by Veritaserum.
175 points, ended July 31, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SW Oscars - Best Poem - Invite Only! - Reopened For Sanity Assasin by Asfand.
200 points, ended September 10, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
First of all, congratulations on being nominated for the Best Poem contest, and good luck!
This poem was beautifully written, delicate and coherent. It wasn't abstract but simplistic, and your choice of words was excellent.
A few minor stumbles in meter/rhythm, such as the last line in the third stanza. My preference really, because of the flexibilty of poetry, but I thought it was a little out of place. Also the final line: I would change it to 'Two halves make a whole'
These are minor details, and I think the poem was well done other than this. Best of luck! -
Hey, this is really beautiful.
The touch of a hand
The look in an eye,
Speaks to the heart
Gentle as a sigh.
That was my favourite verse.
I'm afraid I'm no poetry expert, but all I can say is you're a talented poet and the rhyming is awesome too. The words flow and everything. Normally, I stop reading things is they're boring but yours was interesting and I loved it all
-
-
Awww! Thanks honey!
Im glad you liked it. It was a nice one to write.
-
-
I've read this one before!!! it's truly amazing!! the use of vocabulary, and how easily you used them all too make such an amazing rhyming poem!!!! wow wow wow!!! its incredible!!
-
Hmm... it made me think.
Good job on this, no wonder you were nominated. Sorry about my cluelessness, I was just asked to judge this thingy today.
This piece flows particularly well, and I expect that's what appeals to me most about it. Abstract is fine, and it works for this piece.
Once again, good job, and good luck in the contest. -
I can definitely see why you won gold for this, FallenAngel. This was a really good story but I do, however, think that it would be better if it were on the poetry site, because it's written like a poem.
My favorite verse:
The touch of a hand
The look in an eye,
Speaks to the heart
Gentle as a sigh.
Brilliant
Job well done and keep on doing it! -
Re-freshing
It is always pleasant
To come upon
A bit of verse
When all else seems gone
And yours...
So full of love and life
Erodes one's stress
Deflates one's strife.
GA
-
Good Story
-
Hello fallenangel:
I read your poem Reverence and I was quite impressed. However, I need you to help me with the meaning of this verse:
Reflection on water
ONE GIRL AND ONE BEAST.
Instincts forgotten
With honour released.
Please forgive my ignorance.
Anaya Roma -
-
sorry, that verse does seem a bit odd, doesn't it! It was for a contest, and the picture prompt was a girl and an elephant sitting in a pool together. It was a very beautiful picture. Maybe if you click the link for the contest it was in, above, and see the actual picture, it will make more sense for you. Thanks for the comment!
-
-
WOW!!! that was really great. it just flowed so darn well and because it was really ... flowy... (lol) it made me read it slow (which was good) because it was just so beautiful. GREAT WORK!!!
-
Very beautifully written, a great poem!
Lovely descriptions and I love the last line 'Two halves making a whole', well done! =)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
extreamly beautifull in heart and soul.. the connection
-
-
Thank you for the comment and applause. Im glad you liked it!
-
-
This is really good! You deserve the first place, I was stuck to it the whole time. *I usually stop reading when i lose interest or if the piece doesn't intrigue me* hehe...
You've done a great job! Congratz!! I love this one! -
Original and interesting.. very light.. and.. oriental? (maybe it's just the elephant making me think so.. .)
Short and sweet..
-
this rocks! It's brilliantly written. I love these majestic beasts of burden and you wrote about that pic with aparent ease. sublime!
-
This was pretty cool. Nicely written. Good luck in the contest.
-
MAN! people are soo good!!! im so not winning this thing...how could u guys write such amazing stuff in like one day!! i took so long and came up with something that stupid!!!! urs is like soo likme amazin1!!!!!!!!!
-
oh god....i am in for some competition!!! lolz....wow!! wow!! this was so beautifully penned!
Huh. what's wrong with abstract, the picture was rather abstract.....you cna find alot of emotion in this....and so far.....you are prolly the one i'm afraid of.....eeeeeekkkk!! -
lovely.
Usually i am not a fan of rhyme, but this one is really lovely and not at all abstract.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I like the way you worked it into a poem. The words you chose have strong impact and you use great imagery. This is a well done piece especially given the constraints of the contest. Good luck.
-
Very well done- not too abstract at all!
-
I forgot to say...
Just how BEAUTIFUL this is!!
I just read it like 2 more times... it's awesome! I'm gonna wait till the last minute before I move entries to finalists, but this will definitely be right up there fer sure!
Good luck in the contest! (but unless someone does even better than this...I don't think you'll need luck)
-
WOW!!!
You did it!!
This is excellent! I LOVE IT!!! It's EXACTLY the sort of thing I wanted to see here! Wow. This is awesome! You TOTALLY GET IT! I can't say enough. It almost brought a tear to my eyes.
You did an exceptional job...really. This is soooo what I was hoping for! Well done!!
-
Okay! We're set to go! :0)
It's TIME to go to the main contest page to recieve your writing instructions!
They are all spelled out for you near the bottom of the page. I hope you have fun and feel challenged to write your best short story or poem yet! Now get to it!
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
