Numb: The Ritual Forgotten - Part Five

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April 3rd (I think), 1998 (I pray) Alcoholics Anonymous Journal of Louis Fielding

Isn’t it funny how when I thought, by God I’m finally rid of you, there you are again? Well, under these circumstances pardon me if I don’t necessarily feel like laughing. When the ship corrected itself I was pleasantly surprised, however this also meant that I had to climb back up onto the deck and swim into the Living Area.

“Living Area,” if you could have seen this you would wish you had never heard this term. Everything was dead, no electronic equipment, no lights, everything is shot! All we can hope for now is that someone on a boat will come by and see us. But, I can only pray.

I found William in what used to be the Recreation Hall, he was floating there…I thought he was dead! Blood had colored the water around him red. He’s got a nasty cut on his leg and it looks like there might be something stuck inside it. If it becomes infected I have no medical supplies here. All we have is the small first-aid kit Clara packed into that little backpack, but that should do for now.

-Louis Fielding

My God I could use a stiff drink right now.

Night had fallen over the lake. William lay covered in a blanket, shivering on the only dry spot on the boat. All day Louis had been scooping water out of the boat, trying to restore some kind of livability to it, his attempts had yet to succeed. The sky was friendly, perfectly clear with nothing but the moon to offer light. From the hatchway William heard footsteps and he covered his head with the blanket.

“Oh come on son, don’t be that way,” Louis said approaching his child. “Someone will -”

“You told me to do what you said and everything would be alright! Everything’s not alright daddy!” William screamed. Tears were lingering in his eyes, Louis didn’t even see them and he new they were there. William pulled the blanket tighter around him in an attempt to separate himself even more from his father.

Louis sat next to the hiding child. Fatherly, he set a comforting hand on William’s head; the boy recoiled as though he were just touched by acid. Louis didn’t move. The sudden resentment within his son’s voice was almost too much.

“Mommy was right about you,” William said through the onslaught of tears. “You’re a bad man! You hurt people!”

“Hey now!” Louis yelled at the top of his lungs. “I’ve never hurt anybody!”

“You hurt Mommy! I know! She showed me pictures!”

Damn you Clara! Louis screamed in his head. “I wasn’t myself back then, William. And your mother knows that, even if she doesn’t want to tell you.”

“How do I know you’re -”

“Enough!” Louis snapped. Louis thought to himself for a minute. Well, if there’s going to be any time to tell the boy it’s now.

“William, do you know why I don’t live with you and your mother?” Louis asked. Underneath the cover of the blanket William shook his head. “Well, a long time ago, when daddy was under a lot of stress your mother wasn’t being very supportive. So, like my father before me, I turned to a thing called alcohol.

“Now, alcohol has a way of doing things to people. It makes a person feel kind of dizzy, in a happy sort of way, and that’s why they drink it. However, when these people are dizzy like this they do silly and sometimes, like in this case, stupid things.”

William removed his head from underneath the blanket and watched his father. Louis finally saw how distraught the child was. His blue eyes were set within almost pure red sockets, tears fell down his cheek freely, and his face contorted with more unhappiness than Louis had ever seen expressed through any circumstance.

“Yes William,” Louis continued. “Daddy did something really stupid.” Louis sighed, the memory returning back to him. Anger built up inside him at the thought of what he did. With one motion he grabbed a bucket and threw it across the boat, then sat back down and buried his face in his hands. “You must understand son, I loved your mother, just as much as I love you.” He turned and looked at William, “You know I love you don’t you?”

William shook his head slowly, “Then why did you do it?” he asked.

“I told you I wasn’t myself and believe me, I wasn’t. That night I came home I was drunk out of my mind…oh, drunk is what happens to someone when they drink alcohol,” Louis explained, sensing William’s confusion at the word.

“Okay,” William exclaimed. “That’s that kind of dizzy you told me about.”

Louis couldn’t help but laughing slightly. “Yes kiddo, very good. But this night I wasn’t just kind of dizzy, I was dizzier than I’d been in a long time. Your mother and I got into a fight over money. Now before you ask why we got into this fight I want to tell you I won’t explain it. You’re too young to understand these kinds of things.

“Anyway. This fight went on longer than most of our fights and I sort of, well, hit her,” Louis stopped and glanced at William, most likely Clara had already told him this part of the story. About how she ran upstairs and grabbed him out of bed then jumped out the door screaming “My husband’s trying to kill us!” Then how she heroically decided Louis should no longer be part of William’s life. Of course she had told William all that, nothing else, just the things that made her look like the hero.

“That’s why mommy doesn’t want me around you,” Louis went on. “She feels that I’m a dangerous person and will kill you if I ever get the chance.”

William sat up and scooted closer to Louis. “That was why she was so mad back at the parking lot.”

“I suppose so,” said Louis as he wrapped his arm around William’s shoulders. He looked down comically at the boy’s face. “But I’m not going to kill you…at least not tonight. Tonight you will only be tortured!” Louis tickled William on his side. The boy laughed and tried to pull away.

“Daddy, stop it!” he squealed happily through bursts of laughter.

“Tickle Torture will now commence!”