Not Coming Home

Harry looked at Draco and frowned lightly. This was it. He couldn’t take it anymore. Draco had called him out here in the middle of the night, right before a Quiddich game. He said that he had something important to tell him.1

“This is what you had to tell me? That you were leaving me?” Harry was yelling now. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t believe this. “I thought you loved me!” Draco looked at him for a moment and then looked away.2

“I never said that. You did…” Draco’s face was shadowed, but Harry was sure that guilt would be painted all over it.3

When you refuse me,4

You confuse me.5

What makes you think I'll let you in again?6

Think again my friend.7

Go on misuse me and abuse me.8

I'll come out stronger in the end.9

Harry glared at him. Draco hadn’t given a reason why, but he knew that it had to be something that was for the Order. They all knew about their relationship, and had warned against it. They said that Harry shouldn’t get too involved with Draco, because someday he might die. He had ignored them of course, so this was a by-product of them nagging Draco instead.10

“No… This can’t be the end. I can’t… I won’t let it be.” Draco shook his head and looked at Harry again. His eyes were tearing up, and soon he would be sobbing at Draco’s feet, begging him to change his mind. The pale man walked up to Harry and put his hands on Harry’s face, then leaned forward and kissed him softly.11

“Goodbye…” And with that, Draco walked off, leaving Harry there in the street alone. Harry dropped to his knees and wept.12

Does it make you sad,13

To find yourself alone?14

Does it make you mad,15

To find that I have grown?16

The next day Harry went though his actions like a ghost. He was barely there when he caught the Snitch. Or even when they threw a party in his favor. Harry couldn’t get his mind off of what Draco had done to him. But outwardly he put on the show that was expected from him. Smiles and pats on the back, demurring whenever anyone said that the team only won so much because of him. His eyes were the only thing betraying his actual feelings, deep with sadness and constantly searching for Draco among the crowds. 17

After he was done, Harry went back to his flat and curled onto the bed crying. He had such dreams for them and now there wasn’t anything to look forward to. Draco was the only thing that brought a smile to him anymore. The fight had been going on for so long now, he wasn’t sure if he could last the next few years. And since that fateful night a year ago when Draco showed that he loved him in the only way that he could, he felt that he had something to keep him sane. He fell asleep, his eyes shrink-wrapped in tears, and his heart broken.18

You do not know how much this hurts me,19

To say these things that I don't want to say.20

But I have to say them anyway.21

I would do anything to end your suffering,22

But you would rather walk away.23

The next few weeks went by like a blur. Harry did everything to put Draco out of his mind. He went out to clubs and danced the night away, usually not without a couple of drinks though. He played his games with a finesse that he had never shown before. And for the cameras, he seemed happier than ever. Secretly he hoped that Draco was watching him and seeing how much he was missing.24

He tried his best to make sure that he had no cracks in his persona, but he never went home anymore. It was the only telling thing. He couldn’t bare to sleep in the flat… In the bed that they had shared so many times before that. Even when he wasn’t on tour with his team, he stayed in hotels. It was the impersonality that made it easier for him to forget.25

Does it make you sad,26

To find yourself alone?27

Does it make you mad,28

To find that I have grown?29

I'll bet it hurts so bad,30

To see the strength that I have shown.31

When you answer the door, pick up the phone,32

You won't find me 'cause I'm not coming home.33

After a few months of avoiding his flat, he finally went back to it. He was afraid that he would see Draco, but the entire way there was clear. Even when he entered the apartment, there was no sign that anything was different from when he had left. He sighed softly, not sure if he was relieved or not. Harry went to the bathroom and stripped for a shower. 34

Does it make you sad,35

To find yourself alone?36

Does it make you mad,37

To find that I have grown?38

Does it make you sad,39

To find yourself alone?40

Does it make you mad,41

To see how I have grown?42

I’ll bet it hurts so bad,43

To see the strength that I have shown.44

When Harry was done with his shower, he came out wrapped in a towel. He was walking to the kitchen when the phone started ringing. This was an unlisted number and only a couple of people had it. He didn’t even bother to put an answering machine on it considering how few people actually called him, relying instead on owl to contact him. He bit his lip and walked over to it. He picked up the receiver and put it to his ear.45

“Hello?” There was silence on the other end for a long time, but Harry couldn’t bring himself to hang up the phone. He just sat there and listened, hoping and dreading to hear the voice he knew was on the other side. When it finally came, he broke out into tears like it was that night all over again.46

“You’ve been so strong… I’m proud of you.” The phone went dead and for a long time Harry held it to his face like it was going to come back again. When he finally got a hold on himself, he put the phone down in it’s cradle. He walked over to the bed and wondered how many times he had called, trying to tell him that message. He put his face in his hands and cried. Knowing that Draco still loved him only made it hurt more. He gathered his things up and dressed. He couldn’t stay there anymore. Not after that. He would put the flat up for sale tomorrow. He left and shut the door for the last time behind him.47

When you answer the door, pick up the phone,48

You won't find me 'cause I'm not coming home.49

When you answer the door, pick up the phone,50

You won't find me 'cause I'm not coming home51

When you answer the door, pick up the phone,52

You won't find me 'cause I'm not coming home.53