I could feel the writer’s thoughts vibrating dully through the shaft of the pen. The utensil danced to and fro, traveling like a car down a road comprised entirely of ruts and potholes. The ball in the pen tip rolled across the grooves of the paper, smearing black, tarry ink across it. Fearfully I felt myself being sucked downward as if in a whirlpool’s vortex…. Finally I leaked out, painfully compressed like a baby delivered vaginally. The ball of the pen rolled and stretched me across the paper, spreading me around before being lifted away. I could then feel what I was--the word “GARBAGE”. I was preceded by the words “TAKE OUT THE”. “Oops.” The woman picked her to-do list off the book she’d been using as a writing surface. I was now an intruder in a place I did not belong, and I would forever remain that way.
Author notes
150 words on the dot. DX I deserve a prize for this.
Contest prompt: 4. Being written in a book - be a word here!
A contest entry
- Paragraphs by Asfand.
230 points, ended August 10, 2007, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SW Oscars - Best Short-short Story - Invite Only! by Asfand.
125 points, ended September 10, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Congratulations!
Congratulations on winning the Oscar.
Andy
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Such imagery you have included in this paragraph. To be be able to write about being written on -that's a confusing way of saying it ^^- sounds like a hard thing to do. But the way you did it was really good! (Oh now that sounds bland...) The way you described everything just had an original and unique touch to it
Great work! And good luck in the contest
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Thank you! Yep, I chose to do the prompt for this because of the reason that it was difficult and that few (if any) people would do it.
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And you did a fantastic job of it
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I love the sentence: "I could feel the writer’s thoughts vibrating dully through the shaft of the pen. The utensil danced to and fro, traveling like a car down a road comprised entirely of ruts and potholes."
There is so much imagery and description in this story. Great job!
*Frozen Angel* -
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Thank you.
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Final Score: 88
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Here's my score:
Title: 10
Grammar: 9
Feeling: 8
Imagery: 9
Uncommeness: 8
Flow: 9
Originality: 9
Beginning: 9
Closing: 9
Over all: 8
Best Score: 88 - exceptional!
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Ooh, I just love numbers!
You spelled "uncommonness" wrong, though, silly... Is that even a word?
...Oh, apparently it is.
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Wow
this was really cool! You did a great job with the creative details and images! I doubt I would have thought of this myself...I'm relly impressed with the way your mind works. Great job on a very tough prompt!
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Good imagery and description to this. Not sure I'm a fan of vaginally being in there. I think you could have made your point with just saying a baby being delivered. I like the orginality of this piece though. Good job and good luck in the contest.
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This is so clever. I like it. It's detailed and descriptive, and the imagery gives it an easy-to-picture touch. The only thing that stumped me was that the last sentence is worded a little funny. Maybe, after the comma, try something like "and so I would forever remain"?
Good luck!
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Thank you! And you're right, I was unsure about that last sentence...I knew it was a little funny, but I just figured that it was only me who was noticing it. I think I'll change it afterall.
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lolz....cracker notes, and ingenius context! I am really amazed! This was quite exceptional! I really liked this! Your descriptions were so awesome! i felt I was the word, and the topic was just too befitting. i mean personally, i didn't think anyone would have dont this, so this is tooo cool!!
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Thank you!
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