Once Jamie was ready he ran into the living room where Gary was sitting, “ready kiddo?” Gary asked.1
“Sure am, can we go now?” Jamie said enthusiastically.2
“Right let me get my coat and we’ll be off.” Gary rose from the chair and headed too the hallway. Gary picked up his coat and keys and then opened the door. “Right last one too the end of the corridor smells of rotten eggs,” Gary whispered, as Jamie took off as fast as his little legs could carry him. 3
Just as Gary was closing the door his neighbour approached him. “Morning Gary, how you doing? I seen Sharon this morning, Is everything okay?” Joy asked.4
“Hey Joy, sure it is, why, shouldn’t it be?” He asked with a puzzled expression.5
“No, no reason, just she seemed a little shook up is all, was just wondering. Must be stress or something.” Saying with a smile that wasn’t quiet so sure.6
“Well she was fine when she left this morning, too be honest she seemed too be on top of the world. She never mentioned anything.” Gary said.7
“I see, just she seemed as if she had seen something terrible, she seemed rather scared. But maybe it was because the front door was open and I wasn’t replying, but too be honest, never even heard her come in.” 8
“Well I’ll ask her when she comes home tonight and let you know okay?” Gary said trying too close the conversation as Jamie stood at the end of the corridor shouting “Daddy smells of rotten eggs.”9
“Okay Gary, I appreciate it. Well I will let you go, you and Jamie have a good day now. Don’t get into too much trouble.” Joy said with a smirk as she turned and walked away.10
“Yeah you too Joy, take care.” Gary turned and looked at Jamie with a mischievous grin, “Right you little cheat.” As he ran down the corridor after him. 11
Gary was a tall broad man with mousy brown hair and chiselled features, with a heart of gold and a soul of a child. Always willing to help as soon as anyone asked. That was one of the things people most loved about him. Gary took Jamie’s hand as they left the apartment building. They crossed the street heading towards the park, UN aware of the strange woman watching them from the red ford that was parked at the other side of the road.12
Author notes
I know this is slacking off a bit...but go with it okay?? You might be suprised...but then again who knows, not past this point at present.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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You have nice control of the characters here. The foreshadowing is nicely placed. The dialog has stiffened a touch.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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still climbing
Very credible foreshadowing going on here.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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i liked this story...i am new to ap...just really wanted to make friends...i think that there was a nice cliffhanger...can't wait for other installments...
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That stalker woman is creeping me out! I hope nothing happens to the little boy. You do a good job of rounding out your characters so they feel real and inspire concern in the reader.
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i am a very fast reader lol good story chicken
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excellant
Again you have kept me eager to find more, you know how to build the suspense and keep your readers. I am going to find more.
This is a realy good peice of work, thank you very much. -
Oh... here I was thinking that this was just a chapter to give a little back ground info, but you end it with someone watching them to add a sense of forboding. I am betting that it is Anne.
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oooh yes.......this is intrigueing......
i love it.....
cant wait to read more..
Ann -
Okay I'm on to the next one. You have me intrigued girl.
Red -
I'm on pins and needles wondering what's going to happen next.. great job building up the characters and setting the scenes..I agree with Dawn about getting to know the characters and liking them...a sign of great writing!!! I'm anxiously waiting for part 4!!! Let me know when you have it up
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Hey Nat this was a good transition to your next part...making us know your characters and getting to care about them
Ok I am ready for part four now
~~Dawn -
Oh yeah, Nat This is soooooooooooooo intriging This was just enough to keep us coming back for more
Karen
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ooooooh. suspenseful! good job. i want to read more. this was good.
Paige -
You're building this up really well Natalia. Is tis woman in the car a woman from Gary's past - mmmmm I wonder?
You MUST let me know when no. 4 is up - I insist - please!!!
Keep going Nat - you're doing great.
~Von~ -
time will tell, time will tell..lol....geez, you'd think you were all on the end of your seat or something...
Thanks for reading and being patient -
and the suspense thickens!
excellent so far
you have excited me to read more
hope this is a long series...
Tamara
Tamara -
If you're new at reading this, I suggest too get the full story, read the other parts too...you don't have too but it helps
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