With the wisps of white smoke
Flies slowly parts of my soul
With the sweet smell of nicotine
My life proceeds with eloping
Like the smoke
Like the nicotine
As it disappears in the air
I slowly, joining them I fade away
With the burning red embers
Cries my blackened heart
With the short lived satisfaction
Brings in poison into my lungs
Like the embers
Like the satisfaction
As it slowly disappears
I slowly, like them I fade away
With the shrinking of the cigarette
I cut my life shorter
With the breathing in of poison
I lose my own control
Like the cigarette
Like the poison
As it disappears in the air
I slowly, and slowly I fade away1
Author notes
A poem I thought I should share with everyone. BTW I DON'T SMOKE!!! This is dedicated to all those who smoke, who want to quit smoking, who want to think of smoking and my friends who smoke a hell lot in front of me, and you...
In a list
A contest entry
- Poems! by Baba Jojo.
115 points, ended August 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poets Challenge (prewrites aloud) by Forgotten Anomaly.
300 points, ended November 1, 2007, 36 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I could see this written on the back of a cigarette box. I like this, it's one of the msot thought out stop smoking poems i have ever read (there arn't many).
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Wow i love it
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some very good lessons! Nice moral, though it looks better left-aligned I think...
freeverse is always left-aligned....good work!! -
Seriously, I think I might show this to my mother. She should quit smoking. Anyway, your poem made me ache with sorrow for those who find pleasure in shortening their lifes. For those who know what they are doing is ruining their health, yet they do it anyway. Perhaps to look "popular" or out of plain addiction. Very well-written and quite inspiring!
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I really liked this, it made me think. Different, but good. Great job.
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thanks
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Wow. A well-written piece of work. Maybe you should join one of those radio ad council things. You know, the ones that are working for a drug-free america? that would be perfect for it.
Hey, if you like poetry, maybe you should check out AllPoetry. Just a suggestion.
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I really wish I could join something like that... Thanks for your comment
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well
you certainly fooled me! lol
I thought you WERE a smoker...a very depressed smoker, heh...who enjoyed the act, inspite of the poison. And even invited the posison consciously, to help end life.
so...this is fiction huh? Very good job at putting yourself in another's shoes then!
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hahaha, well yeah it's fiction, i totally abhor smoking...
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wow its good!
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oi cool!! thats nice!! very interesting..and different! i liked it really!
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