A knock on the door to the hotel room woke me from my memory. At first, I thought if I ignored whoever it was, they would go away, but the knocking didn’t stop. I had to think fast.
I looked over at the filth lying in the tub. By now the ice had numbed her entire body. With her blood slowed, she was barely conscious. I wouldn’t have to worry about her letting whoever was at the door know what was going on.
Slowly I slipped from the bathroom and out into the main room. I walked over to the door and peered through the peep hole. A man, around my age, with dark eyes and missing teeth, stood staring back at me. It was one of her ‘regulars’. I had seen him come and go from her room the entire time she had been staying here.
“Elisha! Are you there?” he screeched, then started hammering on the door again.
Without undoing the chain lock, I opened the door a crack and peered outside, trying to hide my face as much as I could.
“Elisha is a bit busy at the moment. Could you come back later?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Who the hell are you?” he barked.
“It’s none of your business who I am. Just come back later,” I said, slamming the door shut and relocking the deadbolt.
“Open the goddamn door you little prick,” he yelled.
He started kicking the door, trying to knock the locks free. My mind was racing. This interference could mess up everything. I ran back to the bathroom and grabbed my buck knife. I came back, stood beside the door and waited for him to kick in it.
A few kicks were all it took to bust the door lock. One last kick knocked the chain from its screws. He stood there for a moment, a look of surprise on his face, before busting into the room.
“Where are you, you son of a bitch?” he said, the anger returning.
I slipped behind him and plunged my knife straight through the back of his neck, twisting it as I pulled it free. He grabbed at his throat and started gasping for air. Blood poured from both holes covering the front and back of his shirt.
He fell to his knees, a confused look on his face. He was trying to speak and trying to breathe at the same time. Neither was working too well. I looked down at him and smiled, then kicked him as hard as I could in the ribs.
“That’ll teach you to mess with God’s work,” I said, bending down to face him.
He tried to reach out and grab me, but I quickly moved out of his reach. This had already taken up too much precious time. I was on a mission from God. I had to finish this guy off and get back to the more important matter at hand.
Gripping the knife firmly in my hand, I drove it deep into his chest. His hands moved back and forth from the knife hanging out of his chest to the hole in his throat.
“May God have mercy on your soul,” I said between clenched teeth.“Asshole.”
I grabbed the blanket off of the bed and laid it out behind him. I pushed him backwards, and then pulled my knife from his chest. The blood gushed from the new wound.
Quickly I wrapped the blanket around him. With losing that much blood and not being able to breathe, he would be dead in just a few minutes.
I looked from the dying man to the busted door. Walking over, I closed it as best as I could. I didn’t want anyone walking by and peering in.
I knew staying wasn’t an option now. I would have to take the whore somewhere else to finish off what I started.
My car was parked right outside the office, mere feet from her door. I grabbed the dying man’s feet and began to drag him towards the door. He would have to go too. I couldn’t just leave him there.
Opening the door a bit, I looked out to see if anyone was around. No one was there. Picking up his feet again, I dragged him to the back of my car. He was smaller than me, but it was still difficult to pick him up. Finally, I got him placed in the back of the old station wagon.
Returning to the room, I untied the whore. She was unconscious but alive. Moving the ice around, I finally was able to get a grip on her body. Touching her made me want to throw up but I had to get her out of there.
I picked her up and took her to the bed. I wrapped the sheet around her and carried her out to the car. I laid her in the back seat then got into the car myself.
As I sat behind the wheel, I began to think about where I should go. After a bit of thinking, it hit me.
‘I hope Father doesn’t get mad at me,’ I thought, while starting the car. I was going home.
Author notes
To be continued...
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Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Great so far
I haven't read the previous chapters. I'll go back and read them when I return from travel in two weeks. No WiFi so sad.
JJbeginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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GAH!
Why end it there? Why can't you write the whole thing in one go so i know what's going to happen?
*shakes fist*
Like this, i have to lose another night of sleep wondering what's going to happen! Another night in suspense!
Why torture me for? Why?!
*kneels down dramatically*
WHEN WILL THE TOTURE END!!!?!?
... Ahem.
Good show... awesome chapter... keep it up... i'll be awaiting that book of yours
!
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
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I think she likes the torture we feel ... the waiting, anticipating, the inability to sleep... It's not right ... not right says I.... rawr, I have a choice either I lose phone time or I don't get the next part... so not fair *sighs
MORE !!!!!!! *dies in dramatic southern fashion for my wife
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love this bit bit weid and it twisted with the language and the anger. I also could kill you for the cliff hanger. I want to know why she goes home? does she get home? does something happen to her on the way? and if the father kills her for going or not?
oooooo hope you write the nest part soon
well done love this sectionbeginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm glad you like it. There are 10 other parts if you haven't had a chance to read them yet. They explain most everything up until this point. Again thank you for your nice comment.
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Psycho
This reminds me of the first murder in Psycho. Still very powerful writing well done. My only suggestion is that this story would sound more powerful with a narrator. The dialogue is good but it loses power when the murderer has to admit it is just his thoughts. Anywho what do I know. I just loved it. -
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Thank you for taking the time to read this part of my story. I don't know if you have checked out parts 1 - 10 or not. They are in separate form and all together if you haven't. I'm glad you like it, again thank you.
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fortog to!
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Is it weird that I actually thought this was one of the lighter sections of the story? I liked that you got back to the original story, because I was starting to forget about it. Great imagery and nastiness with plunging a knife into a nasty teethed guy. Great as always.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Yes it is weird. You are now weirder than you were before reading this story. (highfives self)
I'm glad you are still liking it. 12 should be up...soonish
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Wow, Keli, you just made Matt weirder - you made him say NOOOOOOO and also made him kinky AND made him weirdER hahahaha!
Keli, still the master I adore you and your work so much, I just can't stop reading even if it's just grotesque.. well, seeing that the last chapter made everything in me swirl, this was.. yes, LIGHTER and.. I was desensitized, a bit, or a bit unaffected since the baby is sitll on my mind x.x I'm like this man's conscience.. yet, haha, I wrote freezer love lmao... maybe it's semi inspired by the ice that was around her body.. wah, Keli.. what has he got in plan for THOSE TWO?????????? *shall wait.. for YOUR story* harharhar!
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Tons of action here, loved it. The only nit I have is that you used the word "breath" when you should have used "breathe" twice. Other than that minor flaw, this was a fantastic write. Excellent pacing here, and it was good to get back to the present and see how he handled her. Good stuff!
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Thank you for pointing those out...I do that all the time. It is now fixed.
I knew you'd be happy that we got back to the 'chick in the tub'. I'm going to have to give her a new name now. lol
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I really like how you have this chapter. I could picture everythingthat happened. (Gotta love when that happpens.) I love the imagery you use. it just captures your readers. dialogue is well done too
“Who the hell are you?” he barked.
and
“May God have mercy on your soul,” I said between clenched teeth. I paused for a moment, “Asshole.”
favorite lines of this chapter
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