My Insanity

I sit here, rocking back and forth, back and forth, ignoring your soothing voice. You question, I answer, you question, I lie. I am insane, or so they tell me. They tell me it's wrong to hurt myself. That i shouldn't cut myself. That i shouldn't be myself.1

I sit here as you try to understand. As you try to care. As you try not to grimace in disgust. I sit here hiding. Hiding in my mind. In the secret fastness of my heart. 2

This is my last stronghold. My last fortress. My last safehouse.3

This is my world. You say i should stop retreating. You say i should accept reality. You say i should embrace reality. You know what i say?4

I say Fuck You. Reality sucks, and my world doesn't. My world is the perfect place for me. You couldn't understand. I don't belong in reality...I belong here, in my world.5

I belong here, where it is always night. Here, where i am safe hiding beneath the shadows. It is safe here. You can't see me here, and i can't see you here. I hid in the night, in the shadows of my creation. I am safe here. I belong here.6

I belong here where the moon is always full. Where the silver light of the moon heals my wounds and protects me from reality. Here, the moon is the mother i never had. The kind, nurturing, protecting spirit that watches over me. I belong here, protected by the spirits of my imagination. I belong here, in my world.7

I belong here, where the rivers are always flowing. Where the rivers are always laughing. Where the rivers are part of me. Here, where the rivers are of my blood, the same wine red blood that runs through my weins, the same blood that pours through my skin. 8

I belong here, where my tears fall from the heavens, like the gentle rain of my lost childhood. The tears fall, the rain falls, cleansing me, washing the blood from my face and the sorrow from my heart. I belong here, where the rain is part of me, I belong here, where my tears pool and mix, diamond like, with the blood of my invention. Where together, the red one and the white one make me whole.9

I belong here where the grass is as black as my thoughts. I belong here, with the grass that cannot be stained by my bloodied tears. Here, where i can sit and cry and bleed and breath and be myself without anyone ever knowing. Here i am free. Alone, but free.10

I belong here in my world. I belong where i am always cloaked in the safety of the night sky, where i am protected by the silver moon of my invention. I belong in this world where my tears and my blood are one. Where it doesn't matter if i cry or if i want to die. I belong here with the grass that hides my blood and cloaks my thoughts. I belong here in my world.11

Here it is always night, and the silver moon is always full. Here the rivers are of my blood and the rain are the tears i cry. Here the black grass hides my pain and holds me as i cry. Here, i am alone, i am alone, but free.12

This is my world, My life, My joy, My sorrow, and My insanity.13