“It is veiled within the countless parapets of the mountains, its roars thunder in the caverns. It is an entity much feared, a great fiend, a beast of impenetrable might. It stands in the shadows, whispering lies, its fumes issuing from the skies and no man has yet been able to confront it and return, unscathed.”1
“Its eye is a slit of evil, dark and cold and deadly. It wings span over the seven heavens and its skin is sparkling silver. It twists through the shadows, the darkness its only friend. Beware; it is not to be meddled with.”2
“The beast hides in the thirteen hills, awaiting the one man that may challenge it. Its wisdom is great, so is the lore it has gathered over its eternal life. Defeating it is impossible, unachievable and a step into the cold abyss of death …” 3
* * * 4
Feet stepped upon the dark floor of the cavern and I felt a shadowed presence as I emerged from slumber. Though deep in the realm, my sharp eyes caught flickering shadows approaching. I felt myself tighten, ferocious instincts surfacing. I breathed, a cloud of smoke emanating from my nostrils, and lifting myself off the ground, began making my way deeper into the caves. 5
Hoping that the presence would soon leave, I settled myself in a corner, cowering in the shadows. I felt anger arise from within the cautious fear, ears picking out the slightest sound. The intruder was near; I could hear its shuffling feet. 6
I let out a low, deep growl, the sound - magnified by the hollow caves - returned to my ears. I felt the footsteps continue still. Soon, the familiar sound of clumsy human feet became clearer. I heard a sword being drawn – how well I knew that sound!7
Moments went by, the silenced time passing, and at length a figure came into the inner cave. It was slender and agile, clad in bronze armor. It could not see me, for human eyes are blind in darkness, yet by its vigilant movements, I knew it felt I was near.8
I shifted, feeling satisfied as the sword swung fruitlessly at hearing my sound. It had to be done, I thought. I let out a thin flame whip through the air, kissing the armor of the figure. It jumped, swinging the thin blade as it saw me. 9
The speed of its movements surprised me; I let out a terrible roar as I felt its blade pierce through my wing. I turned to face the metal silhouette, my mouth closing on its shoulder but the sword moved again, plunging into my eye.10
I issued a roar, fire blazing through my throat. I tried lifting myself off the ground, but the wounded wing did not support me. I felt frightened, for the first time in my life, though not for myself. I crashed my tail onto the walls of the cavern, shaking the mountain in my fury. 11
The human stood by, eyes searching. I saw its weapon swing through the air, meeting my scales and the weapon broke asunder. The figure darted backwards, its confidence failing. I rounded upon it, breathing fire, letting the orange flame roar through the air. 12
The figure ran, feet pounding on the stones. The entire cave was lightened; some dead branches had caught fire, emitting a cackling sound. Being able to see me, the figure turned. I saw a hand being raised, and a silver light shone before my eyes. 13
I swept myself away, unable to bear the intensity. I did not understand why the humans hated me, I was beginning to hate them too. I roared once again, and the lighting disappeared. Turning I saw the figure raise its hand once more. Instantly, a deep burning sensation erupted in my chest. I could feel a clawing creature inside. I began to writhe in pain and the human stopped, its deep voice echoing in the caverns.14
“Foul beast!” It cried. “For too long have you wasted these lands, for too many years have we lived in fear! Your world has come to an end, the dragons are no more, and you are the last piece of that filth.” 15
I roared, the sound of her voice unbearable. I did not understand what it said, yet I felt a deep fear inside me – it was going to kill me. 16
The figure reached its hand inside and pulled out an object, wrapped in fabrics. She took out a vial, with a silver substance swirling inside. She opened the vial and the liquid arose into the air, as shimmering grains. The poison smeared itself onto the wound in my wings. I cried, the pain impenetrable in its might. I froze, my organs stiffening as the poison worked through my body.17
I fell to the cavern floor. Stinging pain exploded in my skin, the poison spreading in an instance. I could feel it inside.18
I closed my eyes, embracing the cold, stupor of death as it clawed around me.19
* * * 20
She lifted the red helm from her head, her eyes fixed at the silver creature before her. She felt the hatred inside die, she felt satisfied yet, rather burdened with guilt. She reached across, plunging a thin, silver weapon into the dragon’s eye. A crimson essence trickled downwards. I let the liquid drip into a vial, pocketing it. 21
Fresh, nice, it’ll be worth hundreds, she thought. She turned her back towards the dragon, and exited the cave. Just as she left, two small dragons emerged from within the caves, their clumsy feet frantically moving over their mother’s body. 22
Small painful roars issued from the caves as the babies snuggled under their mother’s wings, casting fearful looks and moaning as they nipped at her claws in the hope that she will awake, but all ... in vain ...23
Author notes
I kind of wanted to do something serious, something that related to the fact that if dragons ahd ever existed, humans would have done everything in order to eliminate them.
Nothing is evil unless it is turned to aggression. So is the fact with my dragon.
Son of a troll! Why, I'd never!
I want your gold! By mackereth
In a list
A contest entry
- I Am Looking For Dragons by Trinity Dragon.
175 points, ended July 28, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy Writing - Tons of Options by pookah1111.
450 points, ended September 5, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The "mature" contest.... by EnemyOfAll.
225 points, ended September 20, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - From the Land Beyond by CallMeWhenUrRich.
350 points, ended July 17, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Myth, Legend and......... Puppies? by Silver Dancer.
100 points, ended August 17, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy Lovers by Len Shadow.
165 points, ended August 17, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I Want Your Gold!!!! by mackereth.
100 points, ended September 13, 41 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Dragon characters by Shadow dragon.
108 points, ended September 2, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Awwww made me cry slightly near the end. Well done. This has a lot going for it's self. Description is definatly your freind here. Once i read the begging i was completely hooked. I would love to hear more stories like this. Keep it and good luck.
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Thank you for the wonderful comment! I really appreciate the feedback!
And I'm very glad you like it!
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It's so sad! Those poor babies...you're completely true though. People see everything as a threat, we even see eachother as threats it really is a nasty habbit. Amazing story, I really like it,
Great job =]
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Thanks so much sly! I'm very glad you like it!
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Like said before, I thought it would be the average knight slays dragon for princess story. But this was filled with emotion and honestly made me want to cry for those poor hatchlings. Excellent job!
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Thank you so much KH! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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This made me feel sad for the hatchling dragons. Damn human, all of that for money...just like poaching elephants.
This was really well written and I can see why this won the gold. Congratualtions.
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Wow.
This was amazing.
At first I thought it was going to be just another knight slays dragon kind of story, but this was so much better than I thought.
I can't say there are any parts I especially love, because I did all. It isn't that easy to do that. The intro was gripping and mysterious, and I couldn't stop but read.
The middle was magnificent. I never expected it to be a woman in the suit of armor. A wonderful fight scene. And the ending was saddening. Poor little dragons...
Very well done. Good luck in my contest!
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I agree, Dragons only attack if provoked and it is not easy to provoke a smart Dragon and most are... were. well i thought the opening paragraph was wonderful, it came from a human's perspective, a Dragon is not fowl though, most of them are beautiful. i liked the classic Dragon that you have used, if you had made an original kind it would have been a different vibe that i would have gotten from the story... great ending, the children of the dragon come out, though the young dragon's would now bee even wiser than their mother, since they got the information the moment they saw the mother... alive that is. you know, the dragons passes down all it's fears and thought's and everything it knows to it's children. any way this was really good.
Keep Writing & Good Luck
Silver Dancer
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excellent!!! i love dragons - and this story i wonderful!! i can see in the little dragon's future avenging their lost mother.
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Wow, that was beautiful, imaginative, and wondrous. I could see everything as I see the mountains, vivid in the distance. 'Tis a sad, heart-felt piece.
The beginning is great - like a prophecy or an elderly poem of lore. There were only a few instances that could use some touching up. Other than that, nothing's wrong.
Thanks for entering and goodluck! -
I didn't realize until about halfway through the story that it was told through the eyes of the dragon...silly me. Anyway, I thought it was good, but not excellent yet.
You misused some of your more sophisticated words. They felt like they were forced (vigilant, impenetrable, etc.). You don't need fancy language to make this story work. It's a great story and point of view, don't bog it down needlessly.
I DID feel like the opening description was very nice. It felt smooth and very much like an old storyteller. Nice job with that.
Overall a good story. Keep working and it will be great! Good luck in the contest! -
I love the introduction. It gave me shivers imagining the foul beast!
This is a great story and just the sort of story I was looking for with my contest. Thanks for entering.
A grammatical error:
its roars thunder in the caverns
should be "its roar thunders in the caverns"
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Swweeett!! Thnk u. thnk u. thnk you!!!
thnx for spotting the 's' problem, i'll fix that!
thnx again for the comment!
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hmmmm... this is good. There are some typos and words that are missing in the passage. I think this is really good. I love dragons . I love the fact that even though you show that dragons are evil in the beginning you show why it is ferocious. She is a protective mother, just like any mother can be. I hate that you killed it
poor dragon!!! (kidding! ) Hope to read more from you.. Good job!
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What a fantastic piece this was- you really have a knack for making sure that the description doesn't get in the way of the story, and the action doesn't come at the expense of detail. Well done- and good luck!
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Wow:
This has been my favorite entry so far. It was well written and the style was fantastic. The view of the dragon is not one usually taken and stories that use it are by far some of the best, provided that they are written well. So like I said, so far this has been the best.
In practical terms, I saw no gramatical errors and the title fit the story to a tea. Kudos x 10 for this one.
So:
Beginning: 4/5 I loved the beginning, how you introduced the dragon without actually mentioning what it was.
Ending: 4/5 Sad, tragic ending. I'm a sucker for tragedy.
Characters: 5/5 Best example of short fiction character development that I've ever encountered. You should be proud, because I never give a perfect score.
Plot: 4/5 While it has been done before, I've never seen it exclusively from the dragons point of view. Very nice.
Language: 5/5 Considering that this was in first person, the language you used added immensely to the charcter development and is therefore worthy of the coveted perfect score.
Diolog: 4/5 There was not so much, which kept the fluidity of the story continuous. When you did use it, it only added to the history between the dragon and humans.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Poor dragon I love dragons. Flying around with pride and perhaps without fear in the wild, in the open. Its wings beating against the wind, its eyes bright with the anxiety of flying so freely but then still aware of the dangers of the slayers that may be lurking behind the next mountain...
ANYWAY, this was quite the sad story. Damn that woman for killing the dragon! But the descriptions you included were really amazing. The fact that you wrote from the dragon's point of view was astonishing by itself!
Beautifully done! I hope you win the contest! You deserve it! Though I haven't read the other entries >_> -
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hehe!! lolz....flattery! Thankooz sooz muchz!
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Brilliant!
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Wow!
This is really great! I like your writing style alot!!
I really liked the way you wrote this from the dragon's POV. It was poetic in parts, and you had some truly awesome lines as well!
The only thing that interrupted the flow, was in the last couple paragraphs where your descriptions got a lil confusing...too vague, like you didn't finish the thoughts...and I was asking myself what you were trying to say. I think the POV changed as well in one part...
(not there now, since I screwed up sending this comment...had to edit it, LOL...cuz it sent before I could type anything!...so now I can't see your story in front of me)...
but anyway... I'm pretty sure it's the last couple paragraphs that get a lil confusing..re: the poison, the woman reached inside...(inside what?), and you say she opens the vial, ...and the dragon basically dies...but you never say what she DID with the stuff...only that she opened it, and the dragon hits the ground,etc. There were some other things too...but....fairly minor, considering how well written this story is, aside from those lil things i mentioned.
The ending was sad... (I knew when you mentioned she wasn't afraid "for her"...that she musta had a nest with babies somewhere.) Awwww...I love dragon movies...but I ALWAYS HATE to see the poor dragons get slayed dammit. lol. When I a kid, this movie Dragon Slayer came out...I only watched it for the dragons...but it sucked whenever they got killed. Haven't seen it in decades...came out a lifetime ago it seems, but being young, I thought it was pretty good at the time. heh. Back then all the special effects were "old school"...without modern tech, etc.
hahaha...okay, I'll shut up now!! I'm just aging myself the more I say!!
Great story tho...I really enjoyed it!
Good luck in the contest
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Best comment eva!!!
Thank you so much darling! You're the bestest! Yea, i noticed that, i think i even missed a para in the copy/paste!!!
shollyy....i'll fix that in jibbie!!! thanks for the comment! You Rok!!!
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LOL
yer funny!
Yah... sounds MUCH better now in that one area I mentioned. Makes a load of difference! Just didn't make sense before...since you FORGOT A PARAGRAPH!! hahahahahhha
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i'm a dope!
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Yep!
lol.... j/k
But hey! That's MY line!!! hahaha
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