Life Trials parts 1 and 2

Gus

One steroid tablet then another for good luck. They’ll help me with my game. Practices and games seem like a joke to me now. I used to draw, but that just doesn’t fit with how the public views me. I have an appearance that I’ve got to keep up. I dug this hole myself. I know steroids are bad or whatever, but they make my game better. The better I am, the more popularity I have. That’s all I’ve got now. I wish I had more, but I lost that chance awhile ago. 15 minutes to the game and I’m hiding out in some dirty stall feeding my addiction. Soon the coach’ll send somebody for me. As if on cue the water boy runs in yelling, “Gus!” The bottle is stashed quickly and I’m running out onto the field. Cheers to the left and cheers to the right. Aren’t the steroids worth this? My heart speeds up as the adrenaline rushes through my body in a pre-game surge of anticipation. I am invincible and then the world blacks out.

Shanice

Everyone thinks I’m so happy. No one even bothers to listen. I’m so … alone and I’m so tired of being here. I wish I had some one I could talk to, so openly that I could express all my feeling truthfully. I wish I was seen as more than a joke. I’m not a joke, I’m a real person. This mask I wear is so fragile. Will it break? Mommy lays sprawled across her bed crying. A cigarette in her hands. Daddy is out drinking himself to death and my brother doesn’t give a damn about any of us. He’s probably out drinking too. Tears well up in my eyes with a heated furry.

Ogden

When do you know you’re gay? How do you know you’re gay? Is it as simple as liking a guy or is it something more, like a lifestyle? What if I’m gay? I won’t be able to go home anymore. They’ll kick me out of wrestling. I can’t be gay. I can’t stop wrestling. It’s the only time someone gives a damn about me. That’s when I’m important and I won’t let it be taken away by some anorexic boy in tight jeans. I don’t want my dad to hit me. I want my mother to still be able to look at me. I don’t want to get beat up by my siblings. I don’t want to loose my family. I want to be perfect. There’s something wrong with me, right? I’ll make sure that skinny white boy pays for hitting on me.

Collin

Why can’t people just accept me? I’m gay and I like it. If you hit me that won’t change. I like M-E-N. That’s not hard to understand. It also doesn’t mean I cross dress or hit on every guy I talk to. This one guy, Ogden, won’t leave me alone. I’ve got bruises on my arms. I had one tiny crush on him. Well I HAVE one, but I never show it so why is he so damn brutal? What is the big fucking deal with him. Sometimes I even see him watching me, smiling. I can’t take this confusion. I went through this with my brother. He’d shout he’d shout fag and then he’d …… I just…. No one was there. No one looked out for me. No one loved me. I don’t need this.

Gus

What the hell is that beeping? I’ve been hearing it for awhile. It’s so damn annoying. Getting back on topic, I really don’t know had happened. The nurses try to avoid talking to me. My parents just look at me with disappointment. They know about the steroids. I feel like I need them right now. I’m going out of my frickin’ mind. My muscles look smaller or is it just me? I want them so bad. They’re the one thing that makes me me. There’s nothing else to me that I can find. I’m edgy now. “What the hell are you looking at?” I growl at my mother. “Don’t you fuck ups look at me like that!” The beeping is getting faster.: Gus” my mother pleads. I’m growing so angry. I push myself out of bed, ripping of my I.V. and wires and run into the hallway of my hospital room. Suddenly my body fails me. My chest burns. Knees buckling beneath me, I slide onto the floor. Embracing the cool tile floor and the coming darkness as I black out again.

Shanice

Dad comes home at 2 a.m. he stumbles into my arms and I lay him onto the couch. My brother isn’t ho,e yet and my mother is too disgusted by my father to help. She doesn’t even come downstairs, but I can’t be like them. I can’t hate him like her. A family is supposed to be about love right? A home is somewhere you can feel safe, isn’t it? I don’t know what to do. He’s my father. Tears stream down my face as I roll him on his side. In his drunken state he jerks up and throws up on my chin and chest. The hot bile slides off me onto the floor. I must clean it before myself. I am a slave in my own home. This is my life the life of a slave.

Ogden

What is gay I wonder again? Does it show in my walk, how I look, the way I talk. Do people know? To me every sentence I hear walking through the hallways sounds like, “He’s gay” or “ That kid Ogden is a fag.” The word echos in my head. I want to scream, “I’m not fucking gay.” I can’t be. I’m not a damn queer! Where’s that fucking skinny kid Collin. I’ll beat the crap out of him. Here he comes strolling down the hallway like a pansy. I crack my knuckles in preparation. “What the hell do you want?” he snarls at me even though I’m bigger and stronger. Please don’t speak. “What are you staring at dumbass? Wanna hit me again?” he taunted with a smirk. Oh god please don’t do this to me. Don’t speak again. I can’t control this frustration mush longer.

Collin

I am so pissed. I failed a history report that I spent a whole freakin’ month on. That’s right, I actually started it when the teacher handed out the assignment. Next time I’ll just blow it off. Anyway, this is running through my head as I;m walking down one of the schools many hallways. Then I find Ogden in front of me glaring and cracking his knuckles like a gangster or some shit. “What the hell do you want?” I barked at him. He towers over me without saying anything and I’m so ready to take my anger out on someone. “What are you staring at dumb ass? Wanna hit me again?” I shout. Oh crap, he looks really ticked off but I can’t resist. “What, do you have a crush on me babe?” I flirted, batting my eyes. I had to pull the gay guy stereotype, just for fun. He seemed surprised for a second then slammed me into the wall. His mouth falls upon mine and his skin feels warm and smooth against my own. The kiss is so unrestrained and forceful and passionate that my knees buckle and we slide to the floor still pressed together. I couldn’t end this kiss that I never want to end. This new and strange passion. It’s so strong. We’re no longer aware of the world at this moment just each other.