Blood Strike- Chapter 1:Dark Night

Night had finally fallen when a shadow moved from behind a bush. Moving quickly for the large house straight ahead of it, the shadow moved from bush to tree to fence. When it felt safe, the shadow emerged, but instead of disappearing in the moon light the figure stood there. This figure was neither a ghost nor spirit, but it was a girl of flesh and blood.1

She was no more than fifteen or sixteen years old. Her hair was back in a braided bun and the loose ends of a black silk ribbon fluttered in the slight breeze that disturbed the night. She was dressed in all black; even her leather boots were black. Slung across her back was a machete in a black scabbard.2

Taking a deep breath of the cool night air she stepped forward, but stopped at the snap of a twig. Crouching low, she slowly drew her blade. The black weapon she held in her hand gleamed.3

She didn’t have to wait very long to see what had made the noise. A man, with a large build, stepped out of the small wooded area. To his right, another man, only of slight build walked with him. Both were talking quietly to each other oblivious to anything around them.4

Looking around her the girl noticed a tree big enough to climb. Moving quietly, she made her way through the garden of blooming roses and pulled herself up on to the lowest branch. Stowing her weapon away she pressed her back against the trunk she began to breathe shallowly.5

As they passed her she held breath. They moved off in to the distance and were soon out of sight. Glancing around to make sure that no one else was coming; the girl jumped down from the tree. To make sure that she could find her way to the place she had to go she checked a small map on her cell phone.6

Glancing around again the girl sprinted up to the door that she guessed led into the kitchen. Opening the door slowly, she moved in to the darkened house.7

Picking her way around the counters she moved closer to the doors that opened in to a dining area. The white carpet was impeccably clean and everything about the room screamed of money.8

As she moved to the foot of the stairs that led to where the owners of the house slept, a light flipped on from the next room. Anxiously the girl moved towards the door. Looking through the crack of the door she saw a man in silk pajamas; he also sported a red house coat.9

Alarmed at the fact one of her targets was awake the girl gasped. The man in the room glanced at the door, but sat down in an over stuffed leather chair. Taking out what looked like a letter from the drawer in the table next to him.10

Who should I go after first, the girl thought to herself? Go for her first, and then you can take him out, whispered a little voice in the back of her mind.11

Stealing up the staircase, the girl moved into a room large enough to be an apartment. Avoiding the old maid sleeping in a chair not far from the bed she unsheathed her machete again and stood over the bed for a moment. Saying a short pray for the woman’s soul to find her rightful place and crossed herself. Taking a quiet deep breath the girl slit the woman’s throat. She moved for the maid, but when she got to her she noticed she was breathing irregularly. As the girl put her machete to her throat the woman sighed as though relieved to finally be at peace. 12

As the girl made her way back downstairs her machete dripped with the blood of two. Stopping at the down to look through the crack, she noticed there was more than one voice in the room. Then seeing the owners of the voices she silently cursed to herself. It was the two men she had seen outside. Taking another deep breath she pushed open the door and slipped into the room.13

“Yes sir, we found some tracks in the timber. They’re too small to be any of-” the smaller of the two men began in a thick Southern accent. Then he noticed a figure standing in the shadows next to the door.14

“What the hell?” the larger man exclaimed. He was just beginning to reach for his gun at his side, but the girl was faster.15

When she reached him, her machete went in between his ribs. She gave a twist and the noise that came from him would have made anyone else sick. Pulling her blade out, she turned to find the other man had his gun out. Sighing she cut off his hand before he could shoot and decapitated him.16

Now she faced her final target. “Kaelie! Yer supposed to be dead!” the man exclaimed in a quiet voice.17

“I’m not that easy ta kill,” the girl named Kaelie replied in a thick English accent; taking a step forward towards the man.18

“Wait,” he pleaded, “don’t kill me! I’ll stop releasing the product! Please just don’t kill me.”19

“You were warned, but you just laughed at it. You and your wife both. Pleading will do you no good,” Kaelie replied in a calm, low voice. Taking the last few feet that separated her from the man in one stride, she made one slash with her machete and the man slumped in his chair. 20

She said a quick prayer for all the souls and left the house. Before leaving the estate though she cleaned her blade in the grass.21

Hours later the detectives on the case discovered a blood stain in the shape of a cross. Knowing who had made this mark, they quickly closed the case. Telling the press that the man of the house had went crazy and killed everyone that was in striking range, then turning the knife on himself.22

After all, everyone knows that you don’t mess with a company every government protects, but also a company that is wanted by every government.23

Chapter 2: Happy Birthday
“Happy birthday!” a distant voice yelled.
Waking with a start Kaelie stared at a girl she had been living with since her parents had died thirteen years ago. “Rochelle, why are you up now?” she asked in a soft, sleepy tone.
“What you mean at eight in the mornin’?” Rochelle asked with a devilish smile.
“You liar! It’s still dark outside!” Kaelie shot back sounding annoyed. Glancing at her clock and groaning, “It’s bloody four in the morning, you dolt.”
“So? It’s time to get up! You can’t leave the society on the line can you?” Rochelle added with the smile that was now fading from her lean, flushed face.
“Shit! Alright, I’ll be down in a minute,” Kaelie groaned again as she swung her legs out from under the covers to the cold, wooden floor. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she pulled a T-shirt over her tank top.
“Hello?” Kaelie said moments later into the receiver her voice still thick with sleep.
“Kaelie, this is Ramoen. We’ve just received a new assignment for you,” the voice on the other end said in a deep, gruff Spanish accent.
“Where and when?” Kaelie asked with a yawn. Grabbing the pencil and paper from the table where the phone sat.
“It’s a job overseas and the car will be by to pick you up around nine. When it does, there will be someone inside to give you all of your info,” Ramoen said with a faint hint of hate and reproach.24

25

Hundreds of miles away someone else was celebrating their birthday too. “Jakob, wake up, son. It’s your birthday. Come on Jake, get up!” a large man shook a small boy awake.
“Huh?” the boy yawned.
“C’mon Jake, wake up! It’s your birthday and there is a mountain of presents from everyone downstairs,” the man prodded.
Jakob’s eyes flew open and he tossed his blankets off of himself. He lit down the two flights of stairs that separated him from the living room. “Wow, daddy! How many are there?!” Jakob yelled with excitement.
As the morning slowly wore on Jakob opened thirty-five presents. Later that afternoon he had a birthday party with his friends and he opened more and more presents. Little did he know that his life would change in only a few days time.26

Chapter 3: The Car Ride27

The car showed up at nine o’clock sharp and inside was a man wearing a business suit. He was dark haired, thin, and his eyes were a sharp silvery color. He had a stern look on his face and was waiting patiently in the car as Kaelie climbed in.
“Your next target is a wealthy businessman who is buying up real estate in the poor parts of Manchester and London. He is wanting to build new factories and apartment condos. Though he may be creating some jobs and building some homes, he is destroying large amounts of land that poor use to grow their food and they live off the land in that area. He is up rooting families that are in desperate need of proper housing,” the man told her never once looking at her.

Author notes

this is only the first chapter...i'm working on the second chapter

if there is anything wrong with it tell me please....

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Comments


  • Leslie Jo
    July 23, 2007

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    This is good. I like it. A few mistakes, but otherwise it's really good. Here is what I found that needed punctuation additions or re-wording:
    'Both were talking quietly to each other , oblivious to anything around them.'
    '...pressed her back against the trunk 'and' began to breathe shallowly.'
    'As they passed her she held 'her' breath.'
    Take the semicolon out of this sentence...maybe leave it w/o puntuation or a comma:'Glancing around to make sure that no one else was coming; the girl jumped down from the tree.'
    add a comma...or change the second sentence to 'he then took what looked...ok?:'...over stuffed leather chair. Taking out what looked like ...'
    Comma after sighing: 'Sighing, she cut off his hand ...'
    'Telling the press that the man of the house had went crazy...' Try rewording the beginning of this sentence...with the one before it, this sounds incomplete...maybe try "They told the press.." or add a comma between 'case' and'telling'.
    Great story! I cant wait for the rest!!
    LJ

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.