Pretty drinks didn't help.
He was wearing a tuxedo;
I was wearing a face tattered with nervous expressions.
Author notes
Prompt: Dining in Mediocrity.
I guess this just describes that single moment when you're comparing yourself to someone at a party and realizing that you need to purchase a new look.
P.S. I love your word shortening rule Limits make creativity easier. Yay! Even though mine wasn't very creative Pooh.
A contest entry
- 20 Crafted Beauties by Asfand.
200 points, ended August 3, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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It's got a fabulous amount of flexibility, allowing it to be about so much to so many different readers. Bang-up job, even if you didn't realize it.
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Short :)
A lot of confusion on the message board... Dear, I'm sorry- one should never have to analyze their own story for someone else.
I like it- but the contrast between "tuxedo" and "nervous expressions" isn't as stark I'd like. I think an adjective or two describing tuxedo, like "dapper" (because I like that word, but you could think of something else)might help?
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 3.
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Ok
Ok I get it. Sorry if I sounded harsh or offencive! Thanks for replying! -
I liked it
And I for one think it's very straight forward. I totally get it! I liked the way you show us through her inner feelings and thoughts, rather than to spell everything out. We can FEEL her discomfort.
Nice job!
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Okay
Umm....I don't understand it....
Though you've used good vocabulary in such a small piece of writing and of which I am inspired!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh, yeah, and I know the last line isn't too clear, but it should've been obvious that I was contrating myself to him. He was fancy, therefore I must've been the opposite, which is not-so-fancy. Yes.
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*constrasting
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lkjsfladas ***CONTRASTING
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Okay. Let me break it down for you. I hate how, no matter how hard I try to simplify things, people still don't understand what I'm saying.
" Pretty drinks didn't help. " <-- The setting is they're in a restaurant / at a party / on a date. There are drinks, which intoxicate to loosen the mood, and they're "pretty" drinks because they're tempting. However, they "didn't help" because she was feeling said. The following explains why she's sad.
" He was wearing a tuxedo; " <-- He, being my date or whomever, was wearing something fancy / proper / personally fit for the occasion.
" I was wearing a face tattered with nervous expressions. " <-- In other words, I was nervous. "Tattered" would symbolize that I didn't look too good myself, and I didn't like how I looked like. The end.
I dunno. It's just simple to me.
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I disagree with the person who commented below me teal, I think this is a very straight forward poem, but still in interesting words, I like that you don't tell, you show, and make feel, I think that is what poetry is about personally, and that you achieve it very well.
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I wouldn't have thought of this. Again, you twist things into not making sense but still somehow getting your point across. I love it.
x Julez -
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i tried to make it as straight-forward as i could and it is overly straight-forward to me.
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IRONY!!!! hehe....this was very intriguing, sort of well-penned too! I liked this. Its ahrd isn't it, though! I very much liked this!
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thank you!
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