A testimony

There is one reason and one reason only why I am Alive today. and I owe it all to one man. This man is strong and powerful, merciful and loving, mighty and Just. He saved me from the pit and set my feet upon the Rock. This man is the love of my life. and there was a time in which i almost walked away from him forever. so who is this man? well, he's more like a God really...infact he is God, his name Is Jesus Christ, the one true God.

I was 16, My dad was a pot head who popped in and out of my life. He made countless promises and broke them all, because of him my trust in anything became shattered, even my trust in God. I felt like an out cast in my family, Like no once cared or loved me, I even began to feel like God didn't love me... why would a loving God let such bad things happen? I began to question. If he loved me so much, why couldn't I feel him anymore? I stopped going to church, I holed myself up in my room. I hated everyone and everything, including myself. My friends noticed a change in me, I could no longer put on a "happy face". Everynight I lay curled in a ball crying. I wanted a Dad so bad. someone who loved me and would not break my heart. I felt incomplete without a father and I hated God for giving me a crappy dad. After months of swearing, partying, and lying to my mom, My best friend got ahold of me.

"Ryah!" She said "you Havent been to youth group in months!!"

"SO" I responded bitterly.

"SO, You Loved going before!!! why don't you now!?"

"dunno, just dont want to I guess."

Thats not an awnser! your going!"

"I am not!"

"yes! yes you are!" she said forcefully, after a little more arguing I gave in and went, resolving to go and not to like it.

I walked in the church, The farmilar sound of teens worshiping hit me and I longed to be one of them again.

"no!" I said to myself "God hates you...why should you love him!? why love a God who gave you a shitty hand at life?"

I walked threw the double doors and stared at the band. The lights shinning on their faces, they were all so lost in their love for God. I took my seat in one of the metal folding chairs, the metal cold against my skin made me shiver. I felt aprehensive, angry, and stuborn all at the same time. I crossed my arms and glared at the scene around me. The Kids faces were aglow with the love of God, their hands were raised to heaven as a form of lovingly worshiping their savior. I sighed "I use to be one of them" I thought "I use to love God like that to, why Have you stopped loving me Lord? why do you hate me?" Then I hardened my heart, "I will not give in!" I thought, "God does not love me" but the music was working on me and the spirit was getting to me. I tried despratly to hold onto my bitterness all the while God was whispering in my ear and i was trying so despratly to ignore.

Worship ened and my pastor took the stand.

"we're gonna do things a little diffrent today kids, I want you all to pray....pray for God to show you a face, and when you see that face, Go to them and pray for them."

(now to understand this part you need to know a little bit more about the high school me, I was what you would call a loser. I wasn't popular, I didn't have alot of friends, and the popular kids usualy made fun of me.ok back to the story...)

I sat there remaining to be stuborn, "I am not praying! I hate God! I thought. but then I thought "you know what God If you love me so much...then PROVE IT!" and with that I continued to sit there in my chair being bitter and angry, thinking "God hates me no one is gonna pray for me" well then a few minutes passed and a boy began to walk towards me, he looked scared, but confident in what he had to do.I didn't really know him. He was one of the popular boys in school, he was one of the boys I tried to avoid for fear they would make fun of me. well he walked over and knelt down next to me and looked into my eyes.

"How is your walk with God?" At that moment every once of resolve I had melted away and the tears came. I managed to mutter..."Not good"

and with that he began to pray. Now I cant tell you what he said when he prayed, but i can tell you what God said while that boy was praying....

"Ryah...my dear, sweet, silly child, I have been here all along, just waiting for you to come back to me, I have seen every tear, heard every word, and loved you just the same. I never left you, and i never will leave you. I love you soooo much!!! please come back to me." when the boy finished his prayer I ran to the alter and cried. I cried, because I had failed so miserably in my walk with God, Yet he still loved me. I cried, because I had missed him so much, but the seperation of us was caused by me. I cried, because I wanted a daddy so bad, but all along I had had one. A great and mighty dad that would never ever let me down. This dad would always keep his word. Now 5 years later I have learned something else from this whole experiance. God does not put situations in our life that are hard, or painful because he hates us. He puts them their to mold us into who he created us to be. He is the potter and we are the clay and without being beaten, molded and put in the firing cilm, we would not turn out to be the beautiful pot he intended us to be. Because my home life was hard, I felt unloved and lonely, because I never had a dad, I decided to dedicate my life to working with youth, to giving them the love I didnt have, and showing them there are people out there who truely care. I want to make the lives of others better and I believe that that is what God was molding me to do. My God is a mighty God and he has brought me through so much, I have had so much molding, and I know that there is more still to come. And yes it will be hard, but i know that there is a reason for everything and that with God I can do anything.


1st John 4:4 Greater is he that is in me, then he that is in the world.