I stay silent when I need to. I don’t cry. My dreams are peculiar. My faces peel off to reveal hardened echoes of blood and plaster. My friends flicker in the wind. My obsessions drive me forward, and my fears hold me back. I hear voices. I create games to puzzle over and obstacles to conquer for myself. I worry a lot. I pick mosaics and portraits out of the random paint-swirls of reality. I’m quite lonely. I worry that I may do some things out of my own partially subconscious desire for attention. I feel like I somehow lost the herd. I genuinely wish I could believe in God. I’m not very good at poetry. I worry about my limited narratives. Sometimes poetry drips out of my fingers. Sometimes I can pick up a pebble or a leaf and look very closely and see beauty beyond what you might see in a painting or a sculpture. I have arguments with myself. I look for enlightenment in windows, and serenity in shadows. I like nature, but I can’t help but feel that it doesn’t return the sentiment. I sleep better than I used to. I wonder how unique I am. I wish I could dedicate myself to something. I feel genuinely and deeply concerned about the state of mankind. Every action I perform is mired by the worry that it falls under some stereotype or another. I fear being alone more than I fear death. I don’t want to be labeled. I push my opinions too far, but not when I haven’t thought through my views pretty damn well. I guess I don’t really trust people that deeply. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be happy. I want to be calm. I want to understand more than I do. I smile when no one is looking. Dancing feels awkward and nonsensical to me. I love computers because each one is, in its own way, a simple but fascinating mind. Quantum physics interests me. I feel vaguely embarrassed by my outlandish and rarely socially acceptable fantasies. I hate speaking in monotone. I lie a lot. My individuality is probably my most important possession. I like to get other people through their problems, but sometimes I worry I do that because of the psychological boost it gives me. I’m really as depressed and anxious as I say I am. I worry about the amount of anger I have stored in a drawer somewhere. I hate ignorance, bigotry, dogma, injustice, and irrationality. The idea of family in and of itself means little to me. I treasure my imagination. I judge people. I worry very, very much about my own perception of reality and other people. I literally can not help the way I come off. My masks are interchangeable, but glued on. I’m deeply ashamed of my hormones. I really try to be polite. I really try not to be boring. I always try to finish what I started. My greatest sin is pride, and not sloth. I wonder if I fool people. I wonder if people think I’m trying to fool them. I wonder if I’m actually trying to fool them. I don’t like the idea of forgetting things, but my inability to move on brings me so much suffering. I don’t want to be emo. I don’t know what I believe in anymore. I worry that spending too much time alone with my thoughts creates an unhealthy state, not that I think I have a choice. I stand up for what I think is right. I am deeply insecure about what other think of me. Deception and analysis feel more like old friends. I have no manifesto. I just try to be the best possible me.
And I guess that’s who I am.
A contest entry
- Your Life by Taylor Renee.
100 points, ended September 30, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Heart and Soul by Greeneyes15.
175 points, ended August 5, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - What you live by by heartfullofvenom.
210 points, ended August 21, 2007, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Who are You? What are you? by dNOZ.
225 points, ended October 1, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Who ARE you?! by Rina123.
100 points, ended January 14, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I really, really liked this peice! That's almost all I can say for it right now, because I am left speechless. My only complaint is that's it's a little longer than I expected it to be, but if it wasn't then I don't think you could explain yourself as well as you did. Good luck.
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OoooOOOoo!
My only complaint- break it up a little! Please! It's OK if you want it all one paragraph- this is a style that you are entitled to, but it makes it just a little hard to read.
I wrote something like this for a class once. Not as long, not as detailed... All your psychological self-analysis is revealed. It's awesome. Everyone has layers, second guesing themselves, doubting, things they do like about themselves, pride... you cover almost the entire scope of humanity here. Or maybe just me. :S
Very deep, bra. Freakin' sweet. -
heyyy!!!
gr. you forgot the favorite band and song!!!!
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okayy..
that took me a while, but theres a lot of emotion, and it is very deep. But a very good thing to live by i guess, it all depends on who you are.
good Luck!
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Nicely done
If more people were this abnormal we would have a better planet. Nicely done. -
Wow, this was awesome and so very deep. It's just you experessing yourself very openly and beautifuly. Very very great, your writing is wonderful. And even though there was so paragraghs which i usually much have, i think that writing this in one be one was the way to go. It gives it something extra. Loved it, a brilliant write! thanks for entering and good luck!
--Greeneyes
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Great
I love that you could just let yourself express yourself openly and entirely. Great write. It's like a freewrite of your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs.
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Wow.
I have been speechless for the last couple of minutes actually.
This was just....crazy. In a really good way.
First the stupid part. You wrote this really nicely, with the randomish strands of thoughts and feelings you have put together into one. I thought that was a great way to do it actually. I think you should, adter each sentence, go to a new line. I would just find that easier to read. Nop big deal or anything, just a suggestion
Now. The story (thing). I was really, really impressed by this. You put so many things in here that people could be afraid to share, but it showed us the real you. I feel now as if I really know so much more about you. It was a perfect entry for my contest.
Also, you did amazing when you wrote stuff like this: My faces peel off to reveal hardened echoes of blood and plaster. My friends flicker in the wind. My obsessions drive me forward, and my fears hold me back.
that was just pure genious to me. It was incredibly written, but it was all true and told a little more about you.
This was great.
Thank you so much for sharing with me a little part of you.
xoxo
Tay
PS: I think that you are perfect for the SW communtity. Here, we can tell who we are, without having to worry about what people will say. Here, we can make friends that we really love without having to fear that they won't like you because of what you look like or anything superficial, only because of who you really are. And, I, now knowing YOU, the real you, am glad to say I know you here on SW.
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*hugs my son*
Wow, those are like strands of thoughts picked out from your mind and weaved, to show us even a shadow of what and who you are
I love your mind - I could practically feel the artsy-ness of it (I think I understand now why you come to write so many beautiful works - it must be your mind and YOU making those stories just come alive).
oh, Zach? We ALL judge people but the thing is (this is what I think), we are just more toleratant and accepting of the people we like/love - so it appears as if we are not judging ^_^
I love that you were able to make something like this.. because I seriously don't think I can be as open.. I mean, this WILL be seen in storywrite, and anyone can just read into my life ^_^ which I don't like, so.. yes, thank you for letting your SW family take a short walk and see your mind and now.. I must leave to think hahahha!
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