Talusa



“Two with onions and a Sprite”, said the man in the blue shirt.

“Comin’ right up.” Lou put two hot dogs in buns, added a generous spoonful of onions to each and then wrapped them in tin foil. Business had been brisk today. They’d sold some empanadas too. A few months ago, Lou hired Rafael to help out, part time, at the lunch truck and later learned that the young man knew how to make some fabulous dishes from family recipes. So, recently, they’d decided to add Rafael’s empanadas to the small menu. Rafael cooked them at home, in the morning, before he came to work. The two had been toying with names for the little lunch business, but Lou hadn’t decided on anything yet.

Louis’ life was fairly stable these days but it hadn’t always been this way. He had lived on the streets for a while until a cousin helped him to get back on his feet. Lou went to AA meetings, had stayed sober for five years now and rented a small apartment in a private home. Before the cousin moved to Texas, he helped Lou to obtain and renovate an old ice cream truck. Lou parked his truck daily by an empty lot across from some small office buildings.

“Hey, Doc”, Lou called out.

“Nice shirt, Louis!” ‘Doc’ was indeed a physician; he had a family practice clinic across the road. Although Doc usually practiced the eating habits that he preached, occasionally he stopped by the truck to enjoy a ‘cheat’ and sit out in one of the plastic chairs.

“Where do you get those shirts?” asked Doc, smiling and crunching on potato chips. Lou had a reputation for wearing some wild ones; printed with boats or fish or pineapples. His favorite was the Elvis shirt.

“Mostly from second hand shops”, Lou replied.

“How’s Ellie?” Doc asked. He’d seen her around now and then and knew that she was Lou’s girl.

“Great!” said Lou. Ellie was a receptionist at one of the offices near Doc’s clinic. Ellie and Lou met a few months before; the relationship had been going well. She was a very kind person and Lou was thankful for all the positive aspects of his new life.

“I’ve got a busy afternoon ahead of me so I’d better run”, said Doc as he stuffed the rest of his lunch in a brown bag. A lull followed and Lou remembered that he’d written a letter to his cousin in Texas that morning. He wanted to take the letter to the Talusa post office which was nearby, so he asked Rafael to take over for a few minutes.

“No prob, boss man”, Rafael replied. Lou trusted Rafael and they often joked around to pass the time. Their favorite laugh was about the time when one customer ordered 30 hot dogs. That day, they had to close early because they ran out of food.

After mailing his letter, inside the post office, Lou glanced at some of the flyers posted in the lobby to see if any garage sales were advertised. He noticed a couple of posters for ‘WANTED’ criminals which gave him the chills. He would never forgot how close he’d come to that, how his life on the streets had been moving in that direction. Lou’s eyes were drawn, momentarily, to the printed photo of an armed robbery suspect. Then, he quickly turned. On his way back to the truck, he felt additional resolve to keep his life clean and on track.

Rafael and Lou served a few more customers before closing.

“See you Monday”, Rafael said.

“Have a good weekend.” Lou looked forward to spending Sundays with Ellie. They always had a good time together; sometimes watching movies, sometimes going to garage sales where Lou would search for wacky shirts.

Once in a while, Ellie would take Lou to church with her which he didn’t mind as long as she didn’t want him to sit right up front. It was a fairly small congregation and Lou wasn’t required wear fancy clothes there. On this Sunday, he sat next to Ellie, in the back row, wearing one of his Hawaiian shirts and felt especially happy. Although life was still a struggle at times, things seemed to finally be going his way. Whenever Lou looked at Ellie, he sensed that he was blessed. Today she had curled her reddish brown hair and pinned it back with a sparkling clip. Lou thought she was beautiful.

As they were singing a hymn, Lou gazed around the room. Suddenly, he couldn’t catch his breath.

“Ell !!”, now he was tapping her arm urgently.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Ellie whispered.

“That guy across the aisle! I saw his picture at the post office yesterday; he’s wanted for armed robbery”, Lou replied.

“Are you sure? We’ve seen him here from time to time”, Ellie said. “He’s a quiet guy, usually looks sad.”

“I’m certain, Ell. He has the very same eyes and that birthmark on his cheek.”

Lou realized that he could, perhaps should, step outside and call the police immediately from his cell phone. He thought there was reward money, too. On the other hand, suppose this church going man had been trying to start a better life. Lou could certainly relate to that possibility based upon his own past. He sat holding Ellie’s hand, listening to the service and thinking.

The man with the birthmark was singing softly. Lou didn’t know what to do.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • rbruce silver member
    May 18
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    I think this is an excellent start to a suspense thriller. It does end abruptly but that is OK if you have a follow up. A well written piece with the hallmarks of a good story.

    • I am thrilled that you read my story!

      I really enjoyed the experience of writing fiction, but it is a very slow process for me. That's why I haven't written more.
      But now that you've stopped by, I'm thinking maybe I should try again

      Have a great evening.


  • feetus
    April 11
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good story. It captured my interest right away and kept it all the way through. I'm a little bummed that it ended right there...I could have read page after page of it. You're very talented. The descriptions and setting works perfectly for the story, and you did a fine job of shedding some light into each character's background. Hopefully you'll add more to it?
    Thanks for sharing.

  • Judith Chandler
    January 24
    Edit | Reply
    Anything that starts with hotdogs is a good story, imo. What is going to happen with the fugitive? Tell us more.

    • Olivias Violin
      January 24
      Edit | Reply
      I'm so pleased that you read this story

      I haven't had the patience to work on any stories for a while.

  • SugarCandyKittyKat
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent...I like the turn of events,especially leading up to the ending part!


  • playjazz67
    September 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent story with really good characters. I especially liked the fact you alluded to the flaw in Lou's life with the AA meetings
    (didn't have to be alcohol), yet didn't dwell on the fact.

    "Once in a while---with her(,) which he didn't mind(,)"

    Maybe all of us should dig down and acknowledge our frailities. If we were to do this we might not be so quick to judge.

    Really a beautiful piece of work with a terrific, human ending.

    Jim


  • Midnightmare
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, i liked this.... but it wasn't really abstract... it leaves you in suspence... but too much. it was like reading a book that someone ripped the last page out of while you werent looking.
    thank you for entering =]

1 - 10 of 10