Phillip was sitting over on the couches, His hand clasped together so tightly that his knuckles got whiter with each passing second. He laid his head against his hands, his eyes closed tightly hoping that when he opened them, someone else would be standing next to Hollie on that stage, someone. anyone. anyone but her. She had been his best friend this whole time. Since the beginning when they crashed into each other at their Savannah auditions. That seemed like such a long time ago now. Seeing her standing there all he could do was pray. No matter how much he loved Hollie Cavanagh, he could only pray it was her instead. The anticipation was killer, like a stealthy assassin waiting for his target to step out so he could put a silent arrow through his heart. That’s what it’d be. What it’d have to be. A silent arrow through Phillip’s heart if it happened like he knew it would. Nobody else could see the misery or pain on his face, nobody could know how he felt about Elise Testone and if she were to be eliminated he’d have no control over his emotions. Maybe, he thought, If everyone didn’t know about my girlfriend this would be easy and okay. I could cry or whatever and not be judged too harshly for it. No, maybe if i didn’t have Hannah as my girlfriend i could do that and not feel bad. Not that i would anyway. He knew he should, but he couldn’t. When he was near Elise all the memory of before Idol with his girl vanished, all he thought about was Elise, even if she weren’t his to think about. Now looking up at her standing next to Hollie, trying to comfort her, tell her that it would all be okay, he was slowly breaking. He admired that woman. The way her voice sounded so raspy and gravely when she sang, but when she was comforting someone it was the voice of Angel, so soft and calming, though she always sounded like one to him. The way she could be on the verge of tears but suck it up to make sure someone else was okay. He wasn’t ashamed to say she’s the only one who ever saw him cry when he needed to. She was always there for him when he needed her, but if tonight didn’t go his way, who would comfort him then? She had been there when Heejun left and Colton, sitting up all night with him listening to him play his guitar, gently running her fingers through his hair as he cried against her shoulder, singing him softly into a restless sleep, and being there to sooth that too. She was an Angel. in every way to him. He couldn’t loose his girl tonight. He tensed his muscles as Ryan was about to say the name of the leaving contestant. As soon as the name was out of Ryan’s mouth Phillip almost felt his heart hit the ground, shattering into a million pieces. Everything was distant in that moment, the crowds boo’s were far off, and maybe someone was rubbing his back and saying reassuring things to make him better, but nothing would and they all knew it. He looked up, eyes already tinged red, tears threatened to spill over but her knew he had to hold it together right now. He watched her yet again, hold Hollie and tell her it was all okay, she smiled and held her close Like a mother comforts a crying baby. He watched Hollie walk back to them and into Josh’s arms, crying softly, but his eyes only stayed on them for a second before returning to the woman in front of all of them. Everything about her radiated ‘goddess’ in that moment as she watched her Idol journey on the screen in front of them. Phillip couldn’t look, he couldn’t take his eyes off her and even if he could that would surely break him. He heard the faint, distant noise of a replay of the time she slapped him for a reason he couldn’t seem to remember but she was sure there was one. Had he not been broken at the moment a smile may have played across his lips like hers was doing now, but he was a broken man, and no smile was even close to forming now. When it was over She took the microphone from Ryan and began her song. It was what everyone referred to as her best song on idol, Whole Lotta Love, but to him they were all perfect in their own way. He slowly grooved along to the music, trying to hide the fact he was dying inside. When she fell to her knees on that catwalk though he shattered again. It reminded him of Colton’s final performance, yet it was fully her own moment at the same time, but he couldn’t bear to think about both of them going at once. When the song was over, she returned to the center of the stage and the judges all came over to hug her. The contestants lined up to talk to her and embrace her as well, he though, even though he wanted her the most, took his place at the back of the line, solely to have more time when he made it to her. When it was his turn he looked at her. Her golden curls, each of them perfect, her luminous smile, the way she stood, her body and all its breathtaking curves. He was so much enveloped in her that he barely caught what she was saying before he threw himself into her open arms.
“Hey buddy.” She said to him as she held him. He nestled his face into her neck, softly crying as she rubbed his back.
“shhh, dont cry baby. Dont cry please. It’s all okay Phil.” There she went again, doing that nurturing thing she was so excellent at. He tightened his grip on her, Touching her silky hair that fell down her back like a waterfall of gold. She pulled away from him, holding him far enough away just to look at him, but still holding him close enough to keep him consoled. She just took his hand in hers and led him back to the mansion after the others. When they got to it, she didn’t even go to him room, she led him to hers. He looked around the room in awe of its neatness. She made him sit down on the bed and wait for her to go change into sweatpants and a tank top. She came back through the door and he looked at her, his mouth hanging open. To him she was most beautiful this way. Her hair up in a ponytail, no makeup and these clothes, she was absolutely stunning which made this all the more difficult. Now that they were alone though he didn’t have any reason to hold it in anymore. He dropped his face to his hands and sobbed. She hurried over to him taking a seat on her bed in front of him. She held him close to her as he cried, whispering things in that way that only she could, that somehow had the power to calm him down. He looked up at her, his eyes puffy, red, and wet, sniffling as tears, even though silent, still fell.
“what do i do Lee? Now? I got nobody anymore.” he was almost about to crash again when she held her finger to his lips.
“lay down. go on, pull back the covers or whatever you like, just lay down.” She got up and turned off the light, leaving only the light of the moon through the window and a lamp beside the bed burning. He followed her orders and let his head fall to her pillow when he was nestled. He turned his face to the pillow, inhaling the scent that radiated off it. It was a flawless smell, like a mix of jasmine and vanilla, a scent he’d recognize anyplace. It was her smell and he loved it. She crawled underneath the covers next to him and wrapped him in her arms, their legs tangling themselves together. She laid her head against his chest and soothingly ran her fingers up and down his back. He ran his hands through her hair, just the feel of it between his fingers was enough. she nestled herself closer to him before answering his question.
“What do you do? Phil you win. Win this for you, for me, for us.” He nodded. Silent tears streaming again, this time from both of their eyes. He tightened his grip on her holding her closer. He knew he had to do what she said. For them. whatever They were now.
“That’s not true, you dont have nobody, you have me. Im here for you, forever. I might not be in this house, but i’ll never forget you, promise you’ll remember this, me, us. For as long as we’re apart, if you remember, i’ll never really be gone. I love you phillip, never lose that.” he was crying again, he could never forget her. She was everything to him and weather she knew it of not that ‘i love you’ meant probably a whole lot more to him than she’d meant it to. He didnt care though. He rested his forehead on her shoulder.
“never. I promise Elise, i will never forget anything about you. I love you too, so much.” He whispered in her ear before pressing his lips to her shoulder and then laying his head against hers. They both closed their eyes and drifted off into a calm sleep, one that could only be obtained when they were like this, connected. Elise didn’t know where she’d be tomorrow, but she did know Phillip. and She knew he meant it when he said he’d remember her, and she knew that was enough to keep her going on her own till she made it back to him, because truthfully, she needed him just as much as he needed her. If not more.