I opened my eyes to see what lay before me. The floor that I had been thrashed upon in my drugged slumber was made solely from concrete and it was cold upon my back. As I began to rise onto my feet, I began to look around me. The weight of the horror around me knocked me back to the floor where I had just been.
The door to my solitary confinement cell was shut and locked. The cold metal bars wouldn’t budge as I tried to shake them loose. It was not only the knowledge that I was trapped that had startled me.
Up against the wall at the right of the door, water dripped from a pipe. With closer observation, I noticed that it wasn’t just water. For every two droplets of water, there ran a trickle of blood. I obviously wasn’t the first to be in the cell, and of course, the thought scared me. The person who had died here before me hadn’t been dead long.
I panned my eyes to the far right corner where I saw weight lifting equipment. The bench press was covered in blood that wasn’t quite dry but it wasn’t as fresh as the blood streaming from the pipe. There were also bloody hand prints where the victim had held the weight. I walked closer to get a better view. There were little spikes around the metal bar and spikes all along the bench. Examining closer, I saw a few pieces of flesh hanging from a few of the spikes. No one would do this willingly. It was forced.
Hearing the blood now dripping slowly, I closed my eyes tight, scared of what lay before me. I began to hear footsteps and the creaking of the door to my cell being opened. I knew that I was next.
A contest entry
- Description by xhappyxrainbowsx.
115 points, ended August 1, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Writing Exercises - Descriptions by Delfishie.
400 points, ended August 6, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Setting by ZackTruel.
100 points, ended September 11, 2007, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Great job, and you definetly made me cringe at some of the scenery that you described.
Good Luck in the Contest! -
Notes:
"The floor that I had been thrashed upon in my drugged slumber was made solely from concrete and it was cold upon my back." - This is a bit of an awkward sentence. There are a lot of 'was's and the tense is sort of confusing. It suggests that she was beaten there earlier, but she is just noticing her surroundings?
"For every two droplets of water, there ran a trickle of blood." - Ooohhhh, this is really nice imagery! Excellent.
" where I saw weight lifting equipment." - LOL, exercise equipment is DEFINITELY torturous. Great, interesting choice.
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I like the way you end this. It wasn't sudden or jarring and it left me with some anticipation for what comes next. Good job. -
Gosh this made me smile in glee!
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Wow. That was rather...creepy...to say the least. Something like that has to be carefully written, and you did a good job. It's not something that I could have done. It sure seemed realistic, though. I felt like I could see it the whole time! Overall, great writing.
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Wickedly creepy
This is some creepy stuff. It was a way good write. I love the discriptions and all. Way creepy. It sent chills down my spine. You need to lay off those scary movies. Unless thats your thing but whateve.
Elli -
Yo that's scary >.< But I liked your descriptions in this piece. Great work! Keep it up!
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