To be alone was something I was used too. To be tortured was something I was used too. This was my torture chamber. The walls were rocky, they were wet and slippery. You could smell the mold growing off on them. There were four walls. It was open in an ovular shape. There was a window that let the sun, cast rays on to the wall of spikes. The spikes were deep set, they came about 5 feet off the wall. The spikes, they reminded me of something out of "Matilda".
Suddenly, I hear a hollow knock on the door. It was my master, it was my feeding time. Usually, he fed me a stale, dry piece of bread that was sometimes moldy. A wave of putrid air, washed over my nose. He opened the door, it hit that wall with a loud thud. He stood above me. His body towered over me. He was about 6'5, and had salt and pepper hair, but thats the most I ever saw of him. Though, I could never see his eyes, I could feel them piercing my body. I shook in fear, and thats when he slapped me. He told me that if I was ever afraid of him as he walked in the steel door, that I'd really be afraid of as he walked out the steel door. My body was cold and clammy, it felt as if it were a hundred degrees, but my body was below zero.
My fingers were laced with fear. The thousands of thoughts running through my mind. That's when i realized that he wasn't there to feed me, he was there to hurt me. He took me to where the cuffs lie. He grabbed me, his fingers woven around my wrist. I rose to my feet. I was scared.
Author notes
This is only the first chapter
A contest entry
- Writing Exercises - Descriptions by Delfishie.
400 points, ended August 6, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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wow this is great i love it so far im gonna read the rest now!!!!
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Wow, the font is REALLY hard to read. I had to change the page to 'hide background' in order to read it. Perhaps if you changed your font to black?
" I was used too" - just 'to', same with the next sentence.
"the sun, cast rays " - no comma
"putrid air, washed over" - no comma
"afraid of as he" - I think there's a 'him' in there somewhere
....
Kind of a sudden ending. This is a good start for a story. I'd like to know more about it, particularly why she (it's a she, right?) calls him 'master' when he's obviously such a jerk.
Good job with this. I'd check the grammar next time you go over it, but besides that, good job. Thanks for entering my contest! -
great!
this is really good! i cant wait to read the rest - il do that now. great descriptive writing, grammer is perfect.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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i like this and cant wait for more! very good discriptive detail. i want more!! woot!
great job
LJ
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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