The sun peeked over the mountains, warming the chilly morning. The dew dripped off the small leaves overhanging the campsite. The sweet melody of songbirds filled the new day with promise of a glorious day. Siren wandered over to Crispin. She watched as the birds flittered from tree to tree before she spoke. “Belle came back last night?” When he didn’t reply she went on. “Why? What did she see?”1
He looked up from rolling his blanket. The smile was gone from his lips. “One day’s ride from here she spotted three patrols of Treemen just his side of Windhill Cliffs. It seems they have noticed your uncle’s absence and are waiting for us.”2
She hunched down to speak quietly to him. “And what are we going to do about it?”3
“Avoid them would be the safest thing to do, but if it comes to it, I guess we’ll fight.”4
“But they’ll be too many.” She whispered frightened.5
“I guess we’ll have to avoid them then. Or you can enchant them."6
Her face brightened. This was a way she could prove that bringing her was a good idea. “Of course, but we’d have to get close and then surprise them.” She thought this could really work.7
“Lets just hope we don’t have to.” He headed off to check on the horses.8
“He told you.” It was a statement not a question.9
Siren turned to find Forthroan standing behind her holding Angel. “Silly cat.” She took her from him. “Yes, he told me.”
Forthroan stuck his long hands in his pockets and lowered his head, “I wish he hadn’t.”10
Siren could not understand why he would wish that. “Why shouldn’t he have told me? He has to tell the other too.”11
“I wish you would have stayed back in town.” He kicked a rock and walked off.12
Siren stroked Angel’s fur absently while watching her uncle walk a way from her. “Angel, why would uncle say that to me?”13
“He knows more than he’s telling.”14
“Why do you say that?”15
Angel jumped out of Siren’s arms and started to clean her face. “Because he’s always been very secretive and has always kept to himself.”16
Finding a grassy place near the willows Siren sat. “That’s to be expected concerning his job. Spying can not be an easy task.”17
“Yes that is true, but it is more than that.”18
“You may be right.”19
Crispin and Aromus appeared with the horses signaling it was time to leave. The small group gathered their belongings and saddled up with Aromus taking the lead this time. They pushed forwarded through the grassland. On all sides as far as the eye could see held grass and shrubs as green as early spring. A few willows and cedar trees grew along side of the trail giving the group sparse shading. As the day grew warm the assembly became friendlier with each other. Conversations flowed from soldier to soldier. Siren rode along side the seer Cinzia.20
“Cinzia, have you lived in the Northland long?” She asked, hoping to draw the silent seer out.21
Clad in a scarlet red, with her blonde tresses hanging down her back, she looked to be a woman who had seen more than her share of journeys but wore no weapons. Her face was brown from the sun and wrinkled. Clear blue eyes shone bright and intelligent. “I have been there for sometime now. I have found the Northlanders to be more tolerant than some other people of the lands.” She went silent again.22
For a while Siren was content with the answer she was given. Mulling over that she had felt the same way as Cinzia. While Siren could not see into the future as the seer could she still was different than others. “Seer, have you seen anything about this trip?” She asked impulsively.23
Without skipping a beat she said, “I have only seen that I would be accompanying this group and that I would not be making the trip home.”24
Alarmed Siren asked, “Not be making it home? Does that mean you will die?”25
“No, dear child," She chuckled. "That only means I will not return with you. My visions are vague in details. I do not know if I die or if I find someplace else to live.”26
Siren dropped her horse back a little giving the seer room. Angel sat in front of her sunning herself on the neck of the horse. Rage did not seem to mind the feline. “It seems as if the seer does not really know what is to happen to us.”27
“So it seems. But doesn’t that seem odd?”28
Angel yawned, “not really. Some seers visions are distorted and do not always tell the whole story, so they cannot always be trusted.”29
Author notes
Edited 3/5/08
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Whoa ~
I think I missed something here ~ *looks around wildly*
Have I been missed? Not ~ Oh well ~
Lol, sorry I have been gone. School has been eating away my insides. Ouch ~
Another splendid write, really, yhe flow came along exceptionally and I like how you stick to your shortened chapters alot. It has us looking forward ~
And I am once more ~
The imagery is as usual ~ pretty stunning ~
Great job dear ~
One problem, I did seem to notice ~
“But they’ll be to many. <-- (I think, this shouls be comma)” She whispered frightened.
“Lets just hope we don’t have to.” He headed off to check on the horses.
“He told you.” It was a statement not a question.
--> Same on these, I ckecked out a couple of my novels for similar sentences, and they all have commas ~
Be well ~
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Thanks for pointing these out. I really need to get on these and the ones that Token and Eye suggested. I'm a bit of a lazy editor. But I will get to them. Again thanks and stop hanging out at the school
It won't get you anywhere Just joking. Keep up the the school work, but we miss you around here. I think Yoshi has still got you locked up in the shed in the play pen. 
Brooke
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“But they’ll be to many.” ---"to" should be "too"
Most of the other mistakes have already been covered.
This is a nice chapter. Once again there is a bit of mystery here concerning the Treemen and the seer.
I'm interested to see where you go with this. I do hope you continue to write this.
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Glad this is still keeping you interested. And thanks for pointing out the mistakes. I will get on that and the ones Chryssi pointed out.
Again thanks
Brooke
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The sun peeked over the mountains warming the chilly morning
needs a comma after mountains. There's more missing commas throughout the story.
Personal opinion on this one
It was a statement not a question.
this seems a little cold to me... if you used something like
Her eyes showed it was a statement, not a question.
She asked hoping to draw the silent seer out.
needs a comma after asked.
I really like the description and imagery you use.
The story flows well and makes it easy to get into the characters minds. This is very well done I look forward to reading more of your stories. -
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Well you know me, I still can't get the comma thing down. But I noticed that you didn't say anything about my tenses, so I must have been consistent this time I've not very good at that either. Thanks for pointing those mistakes out and I will get to those and eyeambaldman's .
Again thanks.
Brooke -
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I didn't notice any tense problems. You're really coming along with those. Keep up the great work!
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Chuck full of the marvelous creatures that make for a marketable fantasy.
The opening paragraph was so perfectly written, I could ‘feel’ a beautiful day commencing. Then as the characters interacted, I sensed problems arising. They are running away. Their trip is not a pleasant journey but something forced upon them?
Am I getting that right?
You populated this interesting world with heroes, heroines, Treemen, seers and talking animals. Chuck full of the marvelous creatures that make for a marketable fantasy.
I picked that much up here, but I’m going to have to go back and read more of the story before I can comment on the plot. I need to acquaint myself with the characters and this fascinating world of theirs.
Your pacing is quick but smooth so the text is an easy read. The dialogue in most instances sounds real.
I found a few problems, much like we all overlook in our own text—you can give it a look and see if you agree.
The sweet melody of songbirds filled the new (day) with promise of a glorious (day). Lovely opening lines but with an echo at the end; couldn’t the first use of day be morning?
just (his) this side of Windhill Cliffs.
“But they’ll be (to) too many.” ( She whispered frightened.) JMHO but this reads like Frightened, she whispered.
“(Lets) Let’s just hope we don’t
Forthroan stuck his long hands in his pockets and lowered his (head, “I ) head. “I wish he hadn’t.” Head is an improper tag.
“Why shouldn’t he have told me? He has to tell (the other) too.” Is there only one other or should it be the plural form others?
watching her uncle walk (a way) away from her
“That’s to be expected (concerning) perhaps considering ? his job.
The small group gathered their belongings (and saddled up with Aromus taking the lead.) query? don’t they have to start out before anyone can take the lead?
(On all sides as far as the eye could see held grass and shrubs as green as early spring. )—not clear. On all sides, as far as the eye could see, (held) were or was filled with grass and shrubs as green as early spring.
(Clad in a scarlet red with her blonde tresses hanging down her back she looked to be a woman who had seen more than her share of journeys but wore no weapons.) At first this lost me—who was being described? You could make that obvious by giving her name. Clad in a scarlet red with her blonde tresses hanging down her back, Cinzia looked to be a woman who had seen more than her share of journeys but wore no weapons.
Without skipping a beat (she said,) came the answer, “I have only seen that I would be accompanying this group and that I would not be making the trip home.”
.( “It seems as if the seer does not really know what is to happen to us.”
who said this? The cat?
Angel yawned(, “not) . “Not really. The chatty cat adds some nice bits of humor.
Geri
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This was a good chapter. I am anxious to go back and read the previous chapters. I saw a few grammatical errors but overall it was good writing. The dialogue seemed to flow pretty smoothly.
Keep writing. -
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So nice to see you. Thought maybe you had dropped off planet Storywrite and were floating around in the real world
Thanks for reading this and for commenting. I really should get on writing this, but for some reason or another I always find something else to do. Will look over this and see if I can find those errors.
Thanks again
Brooke
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