Lisa ran blindly down the dark ally sobbing and gasping for breath. At the end of the ally she sank onto a storage box and wept. What a mess her life was! What a horrible evil sick mess! Not for the first time Lisa wished she could turn back time. Go back to that horrid night two years ago and change what happened.
It had been raining. Her boyfriend had beaten her yet again, and she was sick of being abused, sick of being raped, sick of her life. She hated her life. She had run down this very ally, and wept on a box very similar to the one she was sitting on now. That was when HE came. Lisa had never seen anyone like him before. Tall, with a red suite on, black hair, and red glowing eyes. Most people, if they saw such a person walking down an ally towards them would have known right away who and what he was, but Lisa was so upset that she wasn't thinking straight, she had never believed in such beings anyways.
There was defiantly something sinister about this strange man, something that was pure evil. But he spoke soft words, and Lisa had been taken in by his charm and wit. The man promised her revenge on the man who had made her life hell, and he even supplied her with the gun. All she had to do was work for this strange man, and all her troubles would be taken care of. So Lisa had accepted the gun, and she had went back to the apartment followed by the strange man.
Her good for nothing boyfriend was sitting on the couch watching football when Lisa entered the house, held the gun up and pulled the trigger that would start a life long nightmare for her. After her boyfriend was dead the man in the red suite took out a very old, very evil looking book and gave Lisa a knife. Lisa had signed her name with her own blood, and given her soul to the devil.
Now two years later Lisa sobbed as she sat on a storage box down the ally. Lisa longed to die, she longed to run away, to end this nightmare somehow. But she had no way to do that.
Suddenly the ally got very hot, as if it was July and not October. Lisa trembled, HE was coming. He wore the same red suite, his eyes had that same fiery glow, and he was smiling, enjoying Lisa's anguish.
"Lisa, this is pointless. You don't REALLY think I will let you go just because you die do you?" Lucifer laughed as Lisa looked at her slit wrists feeling helpless. Death had been her last hope.
"You are mine human. You know that. After all, it is I who has been there for you. I am the one who rescued you from the law when you would have been thrown in prison for the murder of your dearly departed lover, you owe me for that."
"Prison would be better than this!" Lisa screamed.
Lucifer shrugged. That was irrelevant.
"Why are you so miserable anyways? I thought you liked sex. You are certainly good at it."
Lisa looked up furiously.
"I just ruined a good marriage! Now two more people are miserable! Ruining men's lives is NOT enjoyable sex!" she shirked.
Lucifer laughed harder. "I find it lots of fun. After all, misery is what I live for. If there was no misery than I would never have girls like you to do things for me now would I?"
Lisa tuned away sobbing.
"Now enough of this worthless emotions. I have another job for you. There is a boy down on Maple Street. He is far to close to HIM. You are to show him the better way of living. When I see you next you better make him into a sinner that I can be proud of."
With a puff of smoke he was gone.
Lisa jumped to her feet. "I've already ruined fifty peoples lives since I agreed to do as you asked! I think that is enough to pay for your 'help' don't you?" she shouted at the empty air. No answer came. Lisa hadn't really expected an answer. With a heavy sigh Lisa set off to find the boy who was to be her next victim.
Author notes
sorry about teh spelling, my computer is driving me crazy, it won't let me check it
A contest entry
- Devil Beside You by CasperQueenofHoochie.
175 points, ended August 8, 2007, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Nice retelling of the "do the Devil's bidding" tale. You could take this and make either a tragedy where she never gets any kind of freedom, but thinks she eventually will -- or you can actually let her get away. Let Lucifer get what's coming to him.
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You capture Lisa's agony really well, I love the storyline and how bleak it is. Maybe adding a bit more detail would help the flow, but you have a really good basis right now. And I love how charismatic Lucifer is =](And about the spell check, don't worry, lol my computer is a piece of crap as well. It happens to everyone ^_^)
Thanks for entering and good luck!
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very good it has a creepy feel to it but I think it would be good if you could make the boy not fall for it and a long the way she finds strength through God so she is no longer his slave.


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Just a suggestion... if you don't have msword you can always download open office. it's a free writing program with spell check.
the one SW has doesn't actually work.
As for your story, I think you've got a good start to an idea here, but expanding on it would make it all the better. Watch for harsh sentences ...
After her boyfriend was dead for example. Rewording it would make it flow a little better.
As I said you have a good start (editing sucks but it helps us improve trust me I know lol) good luck with this story. -
interesting story
You might want to build up to Lisa's misery with her boyfriend with more details and get that spell checker fixed. Keep going.
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