Lost but then Found

I can not hold the tears back anymore...There is so much wrong and no one even knows....I don't even know how to begin to ask for help....I have one thing which is strong right now about me and that is love...I'm in love with a guy who lives miles away and love for my family. But I'm weak everywhere else....I try to eat and do good the most part..better than before but it seems that something just keeps setting me back....I worry constantly about making it one day to the next...trying to put everything into place. People know I'm not well.....but I will smile and say I'm fine....and when they walk away I grab hold of whatever I can to stand on my own...I know that I will not last long being this way..but I just cant seem to stop.....The worrying has engulfed me...with no way out...One thing right after the other..and I wait for something to break this cycle and nothing has....Why can't I just break free..."GOD...where are you?" I need help....and I'm too scared to ask.....Somethings seem too hard to do...Why is things so easy for others so hard for me? Waiting is all I seem to do anymore....but I could see myself waiting no more....1

I seen my kids playing in the yard....sitting on the couch watching T.V....laughing...I hear them say "Mommy"......But there voices began to fade...... I felt the cold tears roll down my face....and soon a stillness came and I felt no worries at all.....My last breath was a sigh of relief.....GOD answered my prayers...for he would not put anything on me that I could not bare...and my body just couldn't...so He reached out his hand for me and told me to take it..that things would be OK...So I reached out and took his hand....."Help me!"2

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My eyes opened to see all my family around me...including my children.....I glanced at them all...and through a distance I saw the one I loved standing amongst them...My whole family was with me....But most important...someone was with me that I had pushed away.....GOD.. He could have taken me with him..but he didn't....He said that no matter how hard I may fall that I will always land on my feet....because he has hold of both of my hands and will not let go......"Go to them and this time smile and say I'll be fine....and remember I'm holding you up.....no need to stand alone...because you're not."4