Over and over it plays through my head
The swipe of a knife
And blood begins to flow
I scream and turn away
It never really happened
The knife never touched your wrist
But I still imagine
Over and over I see it
The blood dripping down
And somehow
In a crowd of people
I feel so alone
Author notes
I chose the second option because the first option didn't seem appealing to me and I like poems. I thought I would write either a dark poem or a romantic poem and I decided to do dark because so far all my other poems have been romance. This poem deserves to be considered dark because it talks about slitting wrists and it's obviously not happy.
To clarify: This poem became an inspiration because my brother was joking around at a party and he pretended like he was going to cut. He didn't actually do it though but I still see the picture in my head, the knife in his hand.
A contest entry
- Lalala! What I want from you.. is.. YOUR TALENT! =D by caitecola.
175 points, ended July 23, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poems! by Baba Jojo.
115 points, ended August 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Horror Poetry by Delfishie.
350 points, ended September 10, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was pretty darn good. I loved the brevity of it and the simplicity of the sentences. The imagery was wonderful. Very short and sweet.
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strong feelinf...wonderful write...
i wish it were longer...you may expand on it, make it tell a moral story...nice .... -
This hit me hard my friend has gone though some crap ... no thats the biggest under statement of the year. its really been her whole life and i just realized it and this poem reminds me of her and how she feels and how i feel. the first part is kinda me cause i can see her with the knife and everything. The last bit about feeling all alone in a crowd of people is her.
Elli -
Interesting
I liked this... it was short sweet to the point, and also true apparently. Nice way of getting your feelings into words.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I agree, it is dark. I love poems, too! I really really like this, you've done a great job, but what I would suggest, in future, is that you make it a bit more clear. I get that someone is slitting his/her wrist, but someone else is unhappy about it? So, in my opinion, the way you've written it, is that it's a dark romance. Someone going through the act of slitting wrists, while the observer, who obviously cares for the suffer, is burdened and horrified by it.
Great Job, though.
Good Luck in the Contest!
C.E.
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