Sometimes, when I stare out the window, I know he's still out there. His penetrating gaze somehow always finds me, no matter where I am. I know it's not possible. He was arrested and landed 30 years in prison.
I watched as a soft shape emerged from a shadow and ran across the length of the window. A large darker shape not far behind it. A struggle. A line of tears fell down my face as a realized what was happening. A replay of events.
He loomed over her helpless self. Laughter fueled by fear severed the silence. She could feel his hands on her, the rough callused hand that felt down the length of her body. The smaller shape thrashed around trying to free itself.
I closed the curtain sharply interrupting the little play. Reliving the event would help nothing. Tears stung the back of my eyes. I was such a naive little girl then. I didn't know what his intentions were until it was too late.
“Is everything okay?” I look up at an old lady, her face plastered with thick makeup complete with a warm motherly smile. She’s waiting on my reply, I know, but I can’t help but stare at her. I look back out the window through a sliver between the curtains, the passing trees and buildings are but a blur. At last I find the composure to turn to her and give her an answer, the answer that she probably already knows. But it seems that she has left me, once again I’m all alone.
I open the curtain a little bit wider, and follow a fence that outlines a large mass of land with my eyes. The laughter from the others disturbs me from my meditative state, children not much younger than myself begin talking about their summer plans in loud squeal-like tones. A girl with luscious red hair is flying across the world to France to see her brother, but of course she must do some shopping there first. I drown out their talking with thoughts of my own.
The train finally stops, people say their byes to their new found friends and flee the area. I stand up slowly and grab my belongings. Not much, just a medium sized suit case and a black handbag. The walk to the exit is a long one, it makes me feel as if I'm walking to my doom; maybe I'm doing just that.
Author notes
Mwuahaha! New story! yayness! Anyways, how do you people like it? is it all bleh or what?
A contest entry
- Totally You by sly fox.
350 points, ended July 30, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I LOVEEEEEE IT... PLEASE GO ON PLEASE PLEASE !!!! ~Blair
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I'll try to!!!! But I'm currently all bleh like when I start writing... -sigh- Thanks for the comment!!! ^_____^
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great
you need a bit background of her history...
As a reader I needed to know why she was on the train. Your writing drew me into this piece. Keep going, I want to see what happens next!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow! This was an awesome write! I really have to go look at more of your stuff! Good job on this one! I absolutely love this!
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Oooh, Krysa, nice! I really like it! It's great, and I want more more more! So, better get ya brain gears working and add more to this!
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Wanna help me think of where it should go next?? I can't really decide... So I can't write more until I figure that out... -sigh-
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Has a good start
So far the story holds the readers attention and makes me wonder what will be happening next, why is she on the train, where is she going, was she raped?
This is good, a reader should have questions.
Great job, a very good start, I assume there will be more and this is just the start of something?
Sarahhitch
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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its a great start and everything but i felt that there wasn't much to the story
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yeah, it's still rather short... I'm working on expanding it though. But I'm a slow writer, so it'll be a while before I update this, etc.
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Well I feel cheated. This great beginning and that's it? I need more. I can just picture this being a play. The girl starts talking and the loud raucous crowd slowly quiets down as she draws them in. Maybe that's just me, I always feel cheated with stories that aren't war and peace size. Beautifully done.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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I'm working on more... just dunno exactly where I'm gunna take it is all that's really in my way. Thanks for the comment! ^_^
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Well done. I enjoyed this tremendously...the way you wrote it was just...magnificent. Well done.
Typo alert:
I watched as a soft shape emerge[emerged] from a shadow and ran across the length of the window.
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Thanks for your comment! ^__^ As well as the typo, I fixed that. Thanks once again!
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