I dreamed I was a dragon
In a sky that burned demented
Soaring blackened thunderclouds
Eternally tormented
I dreamed I was a human
In a world that no longer cared
Weeping for what was lost
Eternally ensnared
Author notes
Hope I got this right? 's been a long time since I studied verbs and adverns and t'like...
A contest entry
- Windsparks by Asfand.
225 points, ended July 28, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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'Tis Great
I loved the way you connected these two stanzas. The first has just amazing imagery. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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This is an awesome piece. I loved that line about the sky burning dementedly.... what imagery that conjours forth! You have given the piece such a powerful and potent tone throughout, so dark and thunderous.... yet it carries almost a moral, in that last stanza, mentioning how the world no longer cares. It makes you think. The piece is almost appocalyptic, and conveys your message in a raw and insightful way. Great job, and good luck in the contest.
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excllent...wonderful depiction! nice edit!!
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Glad you liked!
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excllent...wonderful depiction! nice edit!!
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I loved the rhyming scheme, i think it's ABCB ABCB right??
i love the theme, dragons...i love them, their so awesome! overall, this is wonderfully penned, the line "IN a sky that burned demented' is mind-blowing and all.
However, the line "dreaming dreadful dreams' is way off-key and ttly unsuitable for a dragon. you were going perfectly and then the line, i didn't like that one much...even though the rest of the poem is extremely well-written.
all i want you to do, is to turn the third line, first stanza, into something else. I will read it when you IM me.
awesome job! thanks alot for entering!!! -
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Surely the second stanza then wouldn't work? Hmmm...
Thanks for the constructive criticism- I shall ponder your points!
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This was written really beautifully
You did great, I loooove the way you rhymed it
Great job, and best of luck in Asfand's contest!
Great work,
xoxo,
Tay
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Thankyou very much for your kind words- I agonised for quite a while over whether or not I should rhyme it, so I'm rather glad you think it was worth it!
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Ahhh...there be dragons here!
I really liked this! I too, considered dragons as a theme...since I love them so much. But, at the last minute was inspired elsewhere. lol. This is really cool though! I like it alot. Nicely done!
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Well, thankyou kindly- after the kind words I have received so far, I think in future I shall consider entering more poetry contests!
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