Chapter One - Battling Myself

"Beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep." I leaned over and threw my hand onto the snooze button of my alarm. 5:30 on a Monday morning for an average fifteen year old girl is pretty tireing. My sister flung open my door. 

"You up?" She said mildely toned. I groaned, not wanting to get up so early after a late night of not being able to sleep. Thinking at night lately has been keeping me up late and not letting me sleep, but instead haunting me with memories.

"Get dressed. You need to eat breakfast this morning." Lately I haven't been eating much... a relapse of old memories, my therapist calls it. I grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and threw them on. I paired them with a sky blue shirt that had a picture of "The Beatles" on it with the words "Let It Be." I walked down the narrow hallway to the bathroom and straightened my hair, brushed my teeth and put some makeup on. I'm not heavy into makeup since I wasn't cursed with acne or blemishes. I ran down the stairs and grabbed the only pair of shoes I had, a pair of raggedy looking black converse. I walked over to the fridge and poured some orange juice into my favorite cup that I've had since I was little. It had a picture of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger on the front and was a clear glass cup that was stained with rust and stickiness. 

"Pour yourslef some cereal, Ally."

"I'm fine..." I said. I'm Alexandrya. But my sister, Megan, and everyone else calls me Ally. 

"No, you need to eat. Dr. Thomas said you have to eat breakfast or your going to get sick again." A few years ago, I got really sick because I stopped eating, and drinking. Even though I was really young, I was depressed. I never knew my Father, he left when he found out my mom was pregnant with me. My mom, my older sister Megan, my little brother Mason and my older brother Hadeyn was all my family growing up. But the whole time growing up, my mom battled alchohol and drugs. Hadeyn, who is five years older than me, followed in her footsteps. When I was ten years old, Hadeyn went to jail for selling drugs. Then, when I was thirteen years old, cops showed up at our house. They arrested our mom, then they took my six year old brother mason, then me to the police station. Megan, who was seventeen, wasn't home though. A couple of police officers took my brother and I into a private room where they gave us hot chocolate and asked us questions about our mom. They asked us stuff like "How often is your mom home?" And stuff like that. They drove us to a house with a really big family in it a couple days later. They called them our foster parents and our foster family. They seemed nice at first, but a week later, our foster parents began fighting and yelling at eachother. Mason and I stayed out of their way and did as they told us to so we wouldn't get yelled at. We lived there for about a month until they said they got a call from someone who said we were being transferred. Megan and two other police officers came and picked us up. Megan told me that she turned eighteen last month and had just been accepted to be their legal guardian. Megan drove us to an appartment where she had moved into in Brooklyn, New York.Even though I was happy, Iwas upset and sad that I was taken away from my mom. I fell into depression and began taking medication and still am."Ally! Get in the car!" I grabbed my bookbag off of the chair and ran out the door into Megan's beatup red ford truck. Megan drives Mason and I to school everyday on the way to her job. Megan works at a grocery store dowtown. She pulled up in front of Berekly Elementary School first and let out Mason. I hugged him and told him to have a good day and he got out and ran inside. Mason loved school. He was lucky. Then Megan drove to Berekly High School and let me out. I dreaded walking into the big metal doors of a prison. "Have a nice day Ally."

"I wish..." I mumbled. As I was walking into the school one of my friends, Ramona, ran up to me.

"Hey Ally!" Ramona said as happy as could be.

"Hi Ramona." I replied, not as cheerful.

"You coming to spring fling?" Ramona asked smiling.

"Are you kidding me? I wouldn't be seen dead at sping fling."

"Oh, come on, it wouldn't kill you would it?"

"I don't do dancing, Ramona. Or dresses, or... dates..." Considering I've never had a boyfriend, dating isn't my cup of tea, exactly.

"But you don't have to dance! And come on, dressing up wouldn't hurt you... or dating...." Ramona said as I was trying to open my locker door. I stopped and looked at her.

"I choose not to do those things." I said more quietly, turning back to my locker.

"I didn't say you didn't Ally..."

"Well, I'm not going to spring fling."

"Please Ally?! I know the perfect guy for you!"

"Who?" I almost whispered."Justin Slater." Ramona said smiling.

"Justin Slater?! He would never even think of dating someone like me!"

"Come on... give it a try?"

"No. I have to get to class anyways." I took off down the crowded hallway filling my ears with nasty rumors about Katie Clark, Anna Burton, Kevin Oliver. I was so relieved to get to my classroom that was less noisy and gentle, calming. I was the first to class, like usual. Justin Slater walked in right after me. Justin was quiet, but had a lot of friends. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a black shirt with some name brand name on it. He had short brown hair and light blue eyes. He had pale, white skin and he smelled heavenly. He smiled at me and sat down a couple seats in front of me. He seemed perfect, but what did I know.

 

Chapter Two - Visons Begin

 

I pretty much hate school. Not for the teachers or the classes or the subjects, I hate school for the nasty rumor spreading kids. Most of them being the preppy girls, but their were indeed nasty rumor spreading guys, most of them being jocks and preps. Berekly High School was like any typical school with their cliques. There was the preps and jocks, the ones considered the top of the food chain. Then there were the average kids who were in some clubs and some who didn't do anything but follow the other kids. Then, there were the geeks. The smartest kids that everyone copied off of, but yet they had no friends. Finally, at the 'bottom' of the chain, there were the slackers that were somehow combined with the gothic and emo. I was somehow formed into the average clique because I was new. Thats where most of the new kids ended up. But yet if you ask some of the preps, they'll classify me into the gothic clique because of the fact I wear skinny jeans everyday, and a majority of them are black, because I wear the same black converse everyday, and because I wear band tees or sweatshirts. In high school, your classified by your clique and your clothing. But other than the students that attend the school, I love school. I love learning new things every single day, and I get good grades. I've never had anything lower than a C, and am always on the honor roll. My friends think of me as the geek, but I think of myself as a mature adult trapped inside a teenagers body. I had to grow up fast in my 'family' growing up. "Hey, can I borrow a pen?" Justin walked over and asked me toward the end of class."Uhm, yeah, sure." I said startled out of my daydreaming. I reached into my bag and grabbed my only pen. A black cheap pen that anyone can get in a pack of one hundred for a dollor from dollar general. I looked up and went to give it to him. I was startled again by his dark hazelnut colored eyes. I reached my hand out and handed it to him, when all of a sudden his hand touched mine. I felt dizzy, like I was on a rollercoaster. I felt like I was dreaming. Then, I saw him standing by a hospital bed next to a woman, he was holding her hand. The woman looked flushed and she had a breathing tube in her throat. She looked like a middle aged woman, in her 40's. Justin had tears on his cheeks and was crying, suttely. The nurse walked in and told him it was time. Justin started crying harder and flung his arms over the woman, hugging her and holding her. The nurse called in for the doctor. The doctor, I'm assuming, pulled Justin off of the woman. The nurse took out the breathing tube while the doctor dragged Justin out of the room. The womans heart rate on the monitor went flat, and the nurse pulled the sheet over her face. I zoned back in and flew my hand away from Justins'. "Are you okay?!" Justin said. I looked down at my hands and around me. I was sweating and I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks. Everyone was staring at me, even Mr. Clemens. "Do you need to go see the nurse?" Mr. Clemens asked. I looked around the room once more and nodded my head. I grabbed all of my stuff shaking, and walked out of the room. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself int he mirror. What just happened? I asked myself. My face looked flushed and I was crying. I cupped my hands under the water and turned the sink on. I splashed water on my face. I kept replaying what just happened in my mind, but I couldn't make any sense of it. I swung my bag over my shoulder and walked down the hallway to the office."May I see Nurse Davis?" I asked one of the secretaries. She nodded and pointed to her office. I walked in calm."Hello Alexandrya. Whats wrong dear?" I became quite close with Nurse Davis. When I fisrt moved to Burekly High School, I was down in her office probally everyday. I was always scared to go to my class so I would go to my first period class, then halfway through second period I would make up some excuse to go down to her office, then I would be in there until 6th period and only have a hour left of school."I don't know... I'm sweaty, shaking, I'm cold and I think I just blacked out for a minute..." Nurse Davis looked at me like I was crazy."Maybe we should call your sister." I nodded in agreement. All I wanted to do right now was go home and lay down. Nurse Davis walked out of the office and into the main office where the secretarys were. I peeked out of the door and saw her pick up the phone. I layed my head back onto the wall behind me and closed my eyes, trying to remember and make since of what I saw. Nurse Davis walked in ten minutes later and told me Megan was here. I grabbed my bag and walked out into the office. Megan signed me out and we drove home, silent. Until Megan spoke up.

"So, why'd you need me to pick you up?"

"Uhm... I'm... I'm not feeling well..."

"Well obviously. Why don't you feel well?" She said smirking.

"I don't know... I think I had a... a... a vision..." I said nervously. I turned my head slightly just enough to see Megan's face. I could tell she didn't believe me. Who would?

"A vision. What do you mean?" Megan said trying to understand.

"I touched this guys hand to hand him a pen and all I saw was him, beside a woman's hospital bed..." I didn't want to finish the rest.

"Do you want to go see Dr. Thomas?" Megan asked me. For sure she thought I was crazy.

"Megan, I swear it happened. I'm not crazy!"

"You didn't eat breakfast this morning, did you? Have you been eating your lunch at school?"

"Megan! Listen to me! I've been eating, not breakfast, but,"

"Ally, what did I tell you? Not eating will do this to you!" Megan looked at me as we pulled into the parking lot of the apartment. She stopped and looked at me straight in the eye and cupped her hand around my cheek. She could tell I was in tears.

"Since the stuff with mom, I know you've been having a hard time. I have too, and Mason. But you have to follow doctor's rules. I know your not crazy. I believe you." She smiled and I smiled back. She kissed my forehead and got out. I opened the truck door and followed her up the mini hill in the parking garage and into the lobby. We got into the elevator. I can still remember the first time I got into the elevator. The cheesy classical music was playing, which has since then been turned off. The smell was of musky, old air, and the buttons were obviously sticky and dirty. Megan pressed the white circular button, that lit up yellow when you pushed it, that read '7'. We walked down the hallway to room G70. Our room was the last room on level seven, which was also one of two rooms that had an upstairs also. Our room and the room right above us was built wrong. The workers that built the apartment some 50 years ago thought they were told to make two rooms two levels. Megan told me and Mason that story when we first moved in.

"Did you call Mason's school and tell them he needed to ride the bus?" I asked.

"Yes, Ally. You need to stop worrying so much. Be a kid for once in your life, and don't worry about the other kids." Megan told me.

"Force of habit, I guess." I said looking to the floor. I walked into the living room and sat on the big brown ugly couch. I scrambled my hands looking for the remote in the couch cushions when I felt it. I pulled it out and skimmed my fingers over the buttons until I turned on some movie on LMN. 'brrrriiiinnnggg brrrriiiinnnggg

brrrriiiinnnggg!' Our callbox was ringing. I ran over to it and pressed the button that let me talk. "Yes?" I said. "It's Hannah, let me in." I buzzed her in and in a minute she was knocking on the door. I let her in.

"Why'd you leave?! I was looking everywhere for you in Social Studies!"

"You wont think I'm crazy?"

"I hope not." She said.

"I had a vision... when I touched Justin Slater's hand." Hannah started giggling.

"I'm not kidding Hannah." I said in a serious tone.

"A vision. What are you, Raven?" Hannah said laughing.

"Whatever. I knew you would laugh." I said turning around to sit on the couch again.

"Ally, calm down. You just told me you had a 'vison' today. What am I supposed to say?" Hannah said.

"I know... I'm just freaked out, I guess." I sat down on the couch and Hannah followed after me.

"Have you been taking your medicine?" Hannah asked quietly.

"Yes, Hannah. It wasn't a hallucination. I think, at least."

"Okay. What was the 'vision' about?"

"Justin was sitting beside a woman in a hospital bed... and... the nurse was taking the breathing tube away... and, she died..." I said looking down.

"Okay, that's a little disturbing..." Hannah said, sounding scared.

"Hannah, please believe me." I was practically begging now.

"I do. Maybe you should talk to Justin?" 

"I am, tomorrow, at school."

 

Chapter 3 - Nothing More To Understand

I woke up this morning and all I could think about was what I was going to say to Justin. Maybe I should just touch his hand again? But I really didn't want a repeat of yesterday. I walked into the kitchen. I looked on the table and saw a bowl of oatmeal on the same plate with a piece of toast and a cup of orange juice.

"Whats all this?" I asked Mason who was sitting in the living room watching cartoons.

"Megan made you breakfast." I rolled my eyes.

"Where is Megan?" I asked looking around in the kitchen.

"Her room." Mason replied. I sat down in front of the food and took a sip of the orange juice. I wasn't really into eating breakfast, but I knew if I didn't Megan would be upset. I took a bite of the oatmeal and decided I would eat the rest. Megan walked downstairs right as I was finishing.

"Did you eat?" She asked while walking into the kitchen.

"Yep." I replied. Megan smiled as she opened the fridge door and pulled out Mason's blue camouflage lunchbox. She walked into the living room and turned off the TV as she handed Mason his lunchbox.

"Lets go." She said quietly. We all followed her as I reached to get my jacket off of the coat rack.

As I walked into first period, science, I handed Mr. Clemons my pass from leaving early yesterday. He asked if I was alright, and I told him yes. I walked over to my seat and sat down. I waited for Justin to walk in. I was nervous, and I didn't know what I was going to say to him. He walked in. My heart was racing. He looked at me and started heading towards me.

"Hey, I have our pen." Justin said walking towards me. I smiled and reached my hand out. Wait, no don't reach your hand out! I flung my hand back and the pen dropped on the ground. I looked down and scrambled myself to get it off the floor.

"Uhm... are you okay?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, sorry, I, thought I saw a bug on it. That's all." I said trying to smile.

"Oh... well what was wrong with you yesterday?"

"The, uhm, flu. Yeah some virus going around. But I'm okay now." I said smiling, but ashamed of my lying twice in a row. He nodded.

"Well, uh, thanks for the pen." He said and turned and walked away. I felt something crawling on my leg so I shook it and looked down to see what was on me. But when I looked down, there was nothing. I looked up at Jason, and the top of his desk was covered in spiders. I closed my eyes and screamed.

"Alexandrya!?" Mr. Clemens yelled. I opened my eyes and looked at Justin's desk, but there were no more spiders. Was I crazy? Delusional? Scicotic? What was wrong with me? I grabbed my bag and ran out of the classroom and into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. "What is wrong with you?" I whispered to my reflection. I reached into my bag and grabbed the bottle of pills I take for my depression. I looked at the symptoms. Hallucinations. That would explain the things I saw. But, was it the medicine? I know what I saw, it was real, right? I sat in the bathroom until I heard the bell ring. I calmly walked out of the bathroom, praying to God that no one from Mr. Clemmen's class would see me. I walked to the office and asked to call my sister. I told the secretary I had thrown up in the bathroom, I wasn't going to tell her I was having hallucinations. 

"Hello?" Greeted a shy voice over the telephone.

"Uhm, Megan, it's Ally. Can you come pick me up?" I asked nervously shivering.

"What? Are you sick again?" She sounded irritated at the sound of having to drive twenty miles a second time

"Yeah..."

"Well, I would, but I cant take off another half day to come get you. Are you that sick? I can call Elise if you want?" Elise is our neighbor in our apartment. She is a small, frail old women who is probably in their late 70's.

"No, it's fine..." I said hesitating.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine..." I shuttered at the thought of having to go back to class. I heard a click, then dial tone. She hung up. I put the phone down as quietly and as lightly as I could. I smiled at the secretary and walked out. What was I going to do? I didn't want to go back to class, but I knew I had no other choice. I walked down the crowded hallway, shaking in nervousness. I got a few distant stares from kids. That was normal. I slowly walked up to my locker and put in the simple combination. 31, I spun left, 12, spun right, 23, I spun left again.

"Hey, are you alright?" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned around to see Justin looking at me, dead in the eye.

"Uhm, yeah. I just, uh, saw this spider, and I have a huge fear of spiders." I said upset with myself for lying to someone that looked, so perfect.

"Oh. That's cool. I used to have a fear of snakes." He said looking at me. I giggled and looked at the floor.

"Well, maybe you could come with a few of my friends and me to the game tonight?" What game? I asked myself.

"Uhm... the basketball game?" I said slowly. He smiled and giggled a little.

"Your not into sports, are you?" He asked giggling.

"Its not a basketball game... is it." I said embarrassed.

"No, it is. You just hesitated... a lot." We both chuckled then looked up at each other. His eyes were a beautiful sky blue color, and his light pale lips complimented them. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"Oh. Well... sure I'll go." I said nervous.

"Cool. See you here at 7." I said smiling. 'Cool.' I mumbled as he walked down the hallway. I turned back to my locker and into the mini magnetic mirror staring at me. He doesn't like you. I said quietly. I couldn't get attached to a boy I barely knew. I couldn't fall in love.

Chapter Four - Someone To Look Forward To

"I have no clothes!" I screamed at Hannah who looked scared but was giggling at my panicking.

"Let me see." She said calmly getting of my bed and walking over to the small closet.

"There has to be something." She mumbled quietly. Hannah grab a pair of dark blue skinny jeans with holes in them.

"Step one accomplished, but what about the shirt?" I said. She walked over to her bag sitting on the floor in the corner. She unzipped it and dumped it on the floor. A couple of shirts fell out. She picked a dark blue and white one out that was striped.

"Here." She said handing me the shirt.

"Oh, and wear these." She handed me a pair of dark blue shoes that she pulled out of her bag. They looked like sneakers, but weren't.

"Thanks." I said looking at the outfit that we had put together. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. 6:16. I grabbed the outfit and walked down the hallway into my bathroom and changed. My hair was already straight, so I decided I to leave it alone. I walked back into my bright room and grabbed a silver necklace from the jewelry box sitting at the top of my closet.

"It's 6:30, we need to go." Hannah said. We walked to her car in the parking lot and got in. Hannah had just gotten her licence a couple months prior. She turned up the radio and we hit the road, determined to get to the school.