I stood there in the darkness alone. The rain hit the pavement harshly; beating down on my numb body. I can't keep my eyes open.. they want to close. They have to stay open, they have to wait for what lies in the darkness. Sliding my body down a building's wall, I sat down with my gun closly by my side. It's metal was cold to the touch, it drove goosebumps up my arm and down my neck. I don't know where I am, I just ran away from them, hoping to lead myself somewhere safe. I breathed heavily, gasping for air. Maybe I shouldn't run away so fast next time. Resting my head on the back of the wall, trying to open my airway, I closed my eyes, clutching the gun tight.
Blood was all over my drenched clothes. Not my own though. It's not my own. My emotions wanted to escape my throat, but I swallowed, keeping them deep down inside my soul. Now is not the time to cry. Tears were at the edge of my eyes when I opened them back up. They were difficult to open, as if they were being pried shut against my own will. My vision shook, blurred, fading away. I have to stay awake. I told myself this over and over. My empty stomach argued with my eyes, saying 'stay up, stay up! I need food!' My heart beated faster and faster, supplying blood to my useless body. My mind fought against my heart, 'you're not needed! You shouldn't be here! He's better off dead!'
My scratched voice cried out to anyone, anyone who cared, 'Help me.. help me. I've.. lost my mind.' I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them close, gun still in my hand. The rain drops ran down my face. I can't tell if I had cried yet, the rain came down in an excess amount. The heavy drops probably already beat it out of me. I shook in fear, what will become of me? What if I never find a safe house? I guess my mind is right.. I was never meant to be. I'm a sick man.. no one would ever care if I died. Right? I looked down at the gun, my vision bending it's shape and color.
No one would care.. no one. Not one soul. I raised the gun up to my head. My sister would want this. She would want me dead, after what I've just done to her. The guilt grows higher and higher inside of me the more I think about it. W- what have I done? This time I could tell I was crying. I felt my face twisted into horror; I felt it pulse with hotness, and warm water pour down my cheeks. I clicked the gun back, about to end my own life. My sister deserved better of a brother. Pressing the cold brim to my temple, I looked up at the night sky, slowly turning into dawn.
She's looking down at me right now. She wants me to pull the trigger. As soon as I was about to do what she wanted, I heard heavy footsteps run towards me. My numb eyes looked in the direction where the running sounds were coming from. I couldn't see much, my eyes were failing and started to close. Everything became heavy. My arms have had enough, they grew exhausted. My legs too have given up. My hand dropped down, tossing the gun aside; I didn't have enough courage to take my life. More and more those destructive hands of mine shook as the foot steps got closer..