“I wish…” What a STUPID phrase. It’s a phrase that gets used just as often as “I should have…” or “I didn’t know…” My point is it’s overused, it’s an excuse. It’s used as an attempt to get empathy, but it’s actually just pitiful. If you make a mistake or you don’t do something and by not doing that something it makes you feel:

 

A.)     Guilty  

B.)     Angry

C.)     Sad

D.)     Resentful

E.)     Any or all of the above

 

DON’T DO IT THAN! Or stop doing it. Why overcomplicate things? Is life not already hard enough on its own? Why fudge things up even more? Take it from me and my own personal experiences, if you’ve ever felt regret for something you did or did not do, just change the habit.

 

I wish for a lot of things… I wish that I could be sitting here with my parents and having a conversation with them, letting them know that even though things are the way they are now because of some freak car accident, that I’m okay, and everything’s going to be all right.

 

Man, what a waste of life. You can’t really appreciate life until something that is so precious and misunderstood is quickly taken away from you. I bet 100% of the people that have gone through a situation of where they’ve lost something dear to them they would say or think that if there was any way of getting it back they’d do it. Whether it’s changing a certain behavior pattern, etc. “I wish…” 

 

Such is life I guess. Now that I won’t ever be able to speak with either of my parents again, I won’t ever be able to tell them things like “I have a date tonight, can I borrow the car?” (I always got weird looks from that one…not sure why) or simply getting the chance to thank them for everything they’ve given me and taught me about life. I can’t tell them how much I miss them, or how much I love them. It’s really painful to think about how much time I had before to say any number of those things… but I didn’t… not nearly as much as I should have. But now that I’m laying here in this hospital bed hooked up to the ventilator, tubes running out of my throat to the machine, and staring blankly up at the ceiling, I’m now only an empty vessel. Both of my parents are standing on either side of the bed looking down at me hoping that I’ll just get up and be fine.

I wish I could reach out to my parents right now, at this very instant and wrap my arms around them and not let go. I wish I could pet my dog another time, wrestle him to the floor, and throw his ball to him. It’s the little things that you didn’t give a damn to think about when they were present in your life that you think about when you don’t get them anymore. I could care less about the next latest and greatest video game, phone, blah blah blah that comes out…I spent entirely too much time on those things when my focus should have been on other (more important) things.

 

I love you Mom and Dad. I’m sorry I asked to borrow the car.