The start of it all

I don't know why it was us, why we have the power to control the elements, but we do. Nothing about us was special, not our parents, not our surroundings, nothing. As far as I can tell it all happened because of one day.

The four of us knew each other in a roundabout kind of way. Or at least I knew Nicky and Kay in a roundabout way. They had grown up together along with Annie. I met Annie when I moved across town and started a new school. That was when I and Annie were in the 5th grade, the other two were just a year younger than us. I'm sure I must have seen them around school on the playground or in a class the next year when they were in 5th grade, but I hadn't known them then so I guess my brain dropped those particular memories.

It wasn't until high school that I remember meeting Nicky and Kay though. It was sophomore year, riding the bus home from school. I was sitting at the back, in my usual seat, about a month into the school year. Annie came and sat in the seat in front of me, her red hair pulled into a ponytail and wearing formfitting clothes. A stark contrast to me, with my dark brown hair down and baggy clothes.

"Hey Nani!" We hadn't remained friends but more as acquaintances.

I smiled and nodded in response, I wasn't the social type on the bus.

A tall girl with white blond hair, also pulled into a ponytail, sat across from Annie, while a girl a few inches shorter than me sat down in front of the blond. Her hair was also blond, but a dirty blond, one could argue that it was almost brown.

"Nani, this is Nicky," Annie motioned to the white blond, "and Kay. They're both freshmen this year."

Both girls gave me a "Hi," I smiled and nodded again, but it didn't seem to be noticed since the three of them had launched into talking about their day.

I looked out the window as the bus pulled away from the school. It always amazed me that my attention was captured by the same streets day in and day out, even though I had seen them hundreds of times before.

That's when I heard the smacking. I looked over at the three and they seemed to be playing some hand game I'd never seen before.

It looked like Nicky and Kay were on one team while Annie was by herself on another. I watched so I could understand the rules so I could help Annie out, two against one just didn't seem fair.

When I thought I had a basic understanding I leaned forward to put my hand on Annie's shoulder to get her attention without disrupting the game. As I did she smacked the other's hands, as I came to recognize, to end the current round.

Their hands connected and it felt like a small electrical current hand been completed, though it only lasted as long as the contact between the hands did.

I quickly removed my hand because while the shock was gone my body was tingling, plus I didn't want a repeat of the shock.

"Nice round Annie! That was that best yet. My hands are tingling." said Nicky while she shook her hands to remove the hurt. Kay nodded and said something to Nicky to quiet for me to hear.

Annie laughed and turned to me, "Need something?" she asked.

"Yeah," I almost asked if she had felt the shock too but the bus had stopped and the doors were open, "Never mind, my stop." I quickly got up, muttered a "nice to meet you" and got off the bus.

After that I didn't make physical contact with them, nor did I talk to them, listening to music instead. It didn't really matter anyway, Annie only gave me a quick "hi" and the other bothered only with a nod. Which suited me fine.

Christmas came and went, and I soon forgot about the strange jolt. That is until I noticed something that wasn't ordinary, even for me. I could control small bits of earth.

Author notes

I'm happy with the first part, though the last bit needs a lot of help.
To clarify the shock part: It happens because all four girls come into contact with one another at the same time. Not directly but through eachother blah blah you knew that. Powers react and awaken the elementals in them.... Weird concept but the whole thing is just a big weird story.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • werner1221
    December 24, 2007
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    1st 3 lines.

    not bad. could include more detail. but it still makes me wanting to read more.

    gj.


  • Lethal Contessa
    August 18, 2007
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    I understand the very good storyline, and plot, and it's a clear one too. Not very vague! I like that. Anyways, your characters were superb and realistic in all ways. I like your beginning and ending.

    The language is awesome, but you should try to use more descriptive words in it.

    Your dialog is perfect. Good job!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • MasterEditor444
    July 18, 2007

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    YAHOO!

    Hey Eves! Good write! Man, I miss writing sooooooo much, I don't think I've written for weeks!!! But anyway, I like the appearance differences of the girls. Like, rather than Kay having brown hair like Ryn, she has blonde hair. I like that. And I like the personalities that come out. The end does seem a little rushed and I think you can re-word the last sentence to make it more thrilling. Anyway, good write over all and I'm excited to read the next part and this again once you've edited it! We should get together and write! You haven't been inducted into the Scribes yet... have you... I can do that... muhahaha!
    Smiles,
    M.E.


  • evelynrose
    July 18, 2007
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    You have it right exactly. I just accidently put Nicky instead of Nani. Typing to fast can do that to my brain. Thanks for that catch.

  • Elegant Inspirer
    July 18, 2007

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    Good write!!!

    Hey honey good write i think your story is comming along famously but your right and so is Creativeexplorer you need to explain that its ummmm i beleive nicky with the shock but that part needs a bit of clarifying. and earlyer when you have annie come on the bus and say hi to .... uhhh well I thought ly was nicky and la la was nani and thryn was kay and ana was Annie? I need a bit o clarification.


  • caitecola
    July 17, 2007

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    I agree with you. The last bit does need some work. It comes too quickly. And, to me, what does getting a jolt from someone's hands mean she can control earth? My suggestion is that you clear that up. I'm not sure how you would do it, and I realize that this is only the first chapter, adn there is more to come, which is also a perfect opportunity to work on the connection between the game and controlling earth.
    So far it's a great start.
    Great Job!
    C.E.

1 - 6 of 6