I dreamed I was a human,
In cold and fetal consciousness,
Brooding,
Vastly.
I dreamed i was a neuron,
In the soundless embrace of function,
Firing,
Tirelessly.
A contest entry
- Windsparks by Asfand.
225 points, ended July 28, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Is it meant to be scary?
I didn't.. find it scary.. maybe because the first lines reminded me of a quote from a video game I played (the lead, who was sort of emotionally constipated, says: "I dreamt I was a moron.")
I DID read this over and over, to FEEL the poem (I felt it was unfair to let that stupid quote ruin your creation). And it didn't scare me. In fact, it made me sad. Especially the first stanza... a fetal position is often what one person takes when injured/hurt/bleh, emotionally or what.. but "brooding" is something that presents a darkly functioning mind - to me, anyway...
And the last bit.. fascinates me so much... like me watching fireworks exploding like spiderwebs in the sky.
Wah.. I am ranting.. But Zach, I think I may have interpreted your poem differently. I hope you forgive me for that ^_^ good luck with the contest!
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WOW! this is scary. But also very impressive. I like the word brooding, it makes me think of evil schemes and the very nature of evil inside a human being. This whole poem was revengeful and very dark. I loved this. It was really impressive.
However, u have to write two stanzas, both linked together, once you have done that, message me and i'll read the other one too....
this was amazing and impressive. really!!!
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So..deep...and...scary...
Didn't the contest rule say there was supposed to be two stanzas?
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I must think about it.
It reminds me of the MARS VOLTA... but I've always liked them, so...
Yes! Good job in thirteen words.
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