The Velvet Past

I looked back into my past,

and what I saw makes me sad.

For what I am is gone,

and what I'll be is a mystery.

She looks to me,

and I know that it can never be.

For my love to her is great,

But my being says that,

all I will ever receive is hate.

As my pain increases,

the memories begin to fade...

I cannot see the Summer grass,

I cannot taste the Fall's apple.

I cannot feel the Winter's chill,

And I cannot smell the Spring's rains...

As my pain increases,

the memories begin to fade...

I cannot remeber the sweetness of her kiss,

I cannot see her in my minds eye,

She is sliping from my world,

And all I can see is the dissapointment,

The pain, the fear, and the lonliness...

As my pain increases,

the memories begin to fade,

and once they are gone, I will be lost

Lost forever

Author notes

Im a horrible speller, so if you see any spelling issues, please point them out.

A contest entry

It is a veration on a poem that I wrote long ago, so, tell me how it is and be honest please.

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Comments


  • Trillian
    July 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Depressed much? *pats you on back* This is very well written! Sounds really professional. Two thumbs up


  • caitecola
    July 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I didn't see any spelling issues exept for lonleyness, which is lonliness. I loved reading this! You're very talented. Great Job! It reminded me of a black whirl pool with an unconscious body. You know? I don't know why, but oh so powerful! Good luck in the contest.
    C.E.


  • LadyLionnir
    July 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I really liked the descriptions in this. One of my favorite parts was,
    "I cannot see the Summer grass,
    I cannot taste the Fall's apple.
    I cannot feel the Winter's chill,
    And I cannot smell the Spring's rains..." because it uses 4 of the 5 senses and all seasons as a way to describe what this person will not see again...right? I mean, I'm not quite clear on what the person is going to do about, I think, a heart break, but it was amazingly written. The only spelling mistake I could point out is that "Lonleyness" is actually "Lonliness"...but no biggy. Um, good luck in the contest and thank you for entering!!!