Please forgive me I know not what I do.1
She stood over the body, bloody knife in hand. It had all started as a game, a joke. She only wanted to scare him she never thought it would go as far as it did. That something would click in her brain, and take over. He was there black hair, and pale skin one moment, and on the floor, white skin stained red the next.2
The eyes covered in wisps of the black hair were still open, blank, but open all the same. The almost black orbs were incessantly looking back at her. They looked over her every action from the first stab to the removed vein. 3
It was fully hypnotic when it started, that’s how she got carried away. The screams, struggling, it was all justified in some way. It felt good to have him standing there pleading for mercy. It gave her some odd sense of power. The fact that she did this to a man meant that she could do it to anyone. She now had power over life and death, and it gave her strength.4
The knife entered so smoothly into him, the skin parting as if it was expecting the blow, and welcoming in the knife. The wound seemed to bleed right away the red flowing out delicately at first then more swiftly.5
She had never seen such a red in her life. It wasn’t the color of fire or a children’s toy. It was fluidity and life all in one color. The color was a passion and a vision of something that she could not quite grasp onto. There was no love in the fluid like she had been led to believe there wasn’t anything, but death in it as he dropped to the ground. That new red was what drove her to commit her next action.6
Dropping with him to the ground seemed to be the automatic response from her body. There was remorse somewhere in there, but it was hidden for now as she picked up his left arm, and caressed the open wounds on his torso with her free hand. She left the wounds her hand covered in blood and picked up her steak knife and traced it up his arm along the prominent blue vein that rested there. She then repeated the same thing on the opposite side of the vein. The blood was flowing out lightly until she dug her nails under the skin, and roughly ripped the blue line out taking the skin with it.7
Now, much later, looking at her crusty copper hands, and the red stain on the carpet it all seemed trivial. She still felt that power though. The choice of who lives and dies, but it was being drowned out by panic. That panic brought her to the bedroom, and the hairspray. She ran though the white stained living room spraying it over the couches, and the rug. Running back she grabbed the grill lighter, and set the couches on fire as well as the ground.8
This new red-orange was taking over the house now, and she could have left, but didn’t. Slowly she laid her body down next to him, and let the smoke into her lungs lulling her into a choking sleep.9
Please forgive me I can’t stop loving you. 10
Author notes
I don't really like this at all, but I'm still proud of it like everything else I have written.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I could picture the whole thing in my mind as I read this, I got caught up in the whole thing and that to me means you did an incredible job. It was disturbing nature but very well written, you should be very proud.
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eerie, good imagary tho
-pixy -
Wonderful
You should be proud of this piece..I mean this is amazing...I havent written something like this..so I envy you for having that Inspiration/drive/talent to write this kind of stuff..well, it's a little creepy too...Ok..to much of my blabbering here...wonderful piece!!
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I inspired you? That's awsome. I wish you luck with your story.
-Amber -
This piece is so cool. I like the fact that is is dark and gorey yet at the same time there is still love in it.
I feel that this was very well written and that I see nothing in here that needs improvement.
I wish you luck in your contest and I look forward to reading some more of your work.Thank you for sharing this.
I would also like to thank you, after reading this I think I am going to try to write a story myself.
Edited on Aug 01, 10:24 because ''. -
this is insanely sppoky and frieky, and if it was a book would have to have a rest there...............................................................
but would pick it back up to read all of the other gory chapters!!!!
lisa -
Holy Smokes what a fantastic story you have written here. I am so pleased with the talented writers that I am encountering on this web site. What an eye opening experience this place is.
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If you did like it that much I should suggest reading the Carnal Beauty series. It's allong the same lines of the writing.
lol may as well pimp out more of my writing.
And thank you!
-Amber -
You have a very graphic, yet poetic writing style and the way you describe her emotions and thoughts is just superb. The feeling of remorse is just barely palpable, and the feeling of and almost sexual pleasure at the act she just committed is overwhelming.
This is a good balance of imagery. You gave the reader a way to sympathize with a killer, and you also gave us a glimpse of the beginnings of a monster.
Even though it was a bit disturbing, I really enjoyed the style. -
well, even if you dont like it, i certainly did. it may seem quite disturbing, but i could actually sense the woman's pain and imagine the redness of the blood on her hands. this, makes you a very good writer, and it really touched me, as i "felt" the womans remorse, pain and horror at what she had done. very good write! i really liked it
xxx
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oh my goodness. what a write!! You should be proud of it.. it is excellent
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This isn't part of the Carnal Beauty series this isn't Calla :0)
-Amber -
Thank you I'll go back and make the changes sometimes I always miss stuff.
No I have not ever heard of a killer doing that I just came up with it and yes it's fully possible.
"It's the type of description that comes from experience."
Yes dear I kill people when I'm not at school.... guh. Lol
-Amber
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Yeah, that whole ripping-out-the-vein thing was pretty cool. Good luck.
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This was a great story. I liked that you used hair spray to set the fire, it was sort of origninal. Also, I loved the idea of the vein being ripped out, and I loved even more the way you described it. One thing that is differnet in this story, is that she didn't actually plan to kill him like in most other stories that you write. Also another thing that is different than most of your other stories, that I really liked, she paniced (sp?), which led to her killing herself. I liked how you used both the knife and fire to kill someone. Great write! GOOD LUCK!
~Katie~ -
"That new red was what drove her to commit her next action."
You can make that -so- much smoother! Maybe if you tried "that new red was what drove her on." or something like that... but it has that "essay feel" I was talking about earlier.
You're right, I don't like this as much as your other gore pieces (and jeeze, it could use some more commas) but I love the concept! Your descriptions are amazing, but I did think you used the word "black" too many times in the beginning.
You make gore something tragic, but beautiful, and I love it.
The vein part is crazy-cool. Have you ever heard of a killer doing that, or was it something you came up with? I mean, is it actually possible?
I loved your description of the color of red blood actually is... and that there really is no love in it...
It's the type of description that comes from experience. I'll leave it at that.
You contrasted colors throughout this poem wonderfully... painting vivid hues of red on white, red on black... black against white... it's all so so so lovely...
But when you fit it back into context.. it's horrifying and yet still so beautiful.
Yes, I did like this.
Anther well-enjoyed one.
-Chelsea -
Wow. So did she finally kill someone she loved and killed herself too?
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