The King's Decision

The King’s Decision1

As Zeke and Raphael, and their new found companion walked towards the castle, the king prepared his next strike against them. His throne room was highly decorated with banners and his throne was made of  marble. At this kings side was a broadsword, that still shined from a long history. This sword was holy, it was the sword that had brought down the demon king a millennia ago, and has proven itself more useful. 2

At this time a soldier had entered the room. He was in the dark plate mail, that indicated that he was a royal guard. He knelt and the king motioned for him to stand. 3

“What is it my friend?” said the king4

“Milord, they have broken through the ambush party. They ambushed the ambush party, while they were on their way to set up the ambush!”5

“Calm down, son. Now say that again.”6

“They have broken through”7

“Wasn’t that easier to say? In that case then I will have to dispatch my apprentice to take them down.  If they get past him, then I will have to retreat to a safer place. Do you understand this?” The soldier shook his head in agreement. “Good, now call my apprentice forth, his time has come.”8

The soldier left the room to fetch the apprentice. 9

“I see you have sent another soldier on another useless mission to find me.” Judas jumped at these words. As he turned around a silhouette emerged form the shadows and then formed into a man. The man had silver hair, much like Raphael’s, and he had dark red eyes. His use of magic had enabled him to change his hair and eyes to any color. 10

“I told you to stop doing that Dimitri. What makes you think you can beat both of those two?”11

“I can beat Raphael, definitely, but I don’t know anything about that Zeke person.”12

“What makes you think you can beat Raphael?”13

“Let’s just say I have a trump card on my side.”14

“Fine, just don’t get hurt or anything, I would hate to have to move out of here because of two men. Oh, and don’t touch the girl.”15

“Why not?”16

“Let’s just say if you fail, then I have a trump card.”17

“Hm…” 18

“Go get out of here! I want them dead now.”19

With that Dimitri left using a spell. Judas could tell because of the smoke it left behind him. Hopefully he can get them, I would hate to have to use the girl on them, thought King Judas. 20

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Comments

  • torr revolution
    August 4, 2004
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    OH WACHA!!! DUDE.. THIS IS AWESOME.. but every time u started talking about his apprentice and having red eyes i started thinking of star wars lol >< yeah... but anyway i is really good the part at the end about the girl kinda cought me off gaurd.. VERY AWESOME!!
    ..oh and ^ screw that person up there.. its a continual story u just gotta read them sigh ok i'm done.. good work ... byes!!!!!!

  • TwoFeetUnder
    July 29, 2004
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    This has potential, but needs some work. The plot doesn't flow the best and seems a bit Mary Suish. I know it is hard sometimes to not have some Mary Sue elements in a story, but this has a few too many. The characters need to be made more human,less a character falling under a stereotype. As well as more. A great column to read and help with making a fantasy novel, or simply story, is allpoetry.com/Column/740202.

    Is there more to this story? (Either before or after) that you have or will write about? Please give a little more details describing things in the story, as a, if not, it will make it more interesting and less wor for the reader, or b, if so, it is easier to remember locations, characters, shows more into them, which is good for the story.

    I hope you work at the story because it can be good or better,
    ~Two feet under~