20th April 20021
Sharon re-did her make up and got out of the car and made her way up to the 3rd floor of the office building where she worked. Sharon had worked there for 2 years now as a secretary of a law firm. As she entered the building the sweet aroma of freshly made coffee hit her, she got that at home feeling again she had seemed to calm down on her way from the car. She got in the elevator and got out at the 3rd floor. “Morning guys” as she entered, “how are you all today? Nice day huh?” as she made her way to her desk. Sharon got to her desk and picked up he mail, as she was sitting down a young lady came over to her. “Hi can I help you?”2
“No, but I can help you though.” The woman said. Sharon looked at her for moment, 3
“Do I know you?” Sharon said inquizically.4
“No, but I know who you are. I have been watching you for sometime now.” The woman said with an even tone.5
“You have been watching me? What the hell is that meant to mean.” Her voice started to raise a little. “What you some kind of stalker or something?”6
“No but I know all about the visions you’re having, tell me about them!”7
“What? Visions that’s just silly. Don’t be so ludicrous.” Sharon said.8
“You know what I mean, and they’re only going to get worse mark my words.” The woman said with angry eyes. “So why not just do us all a favour and tell me.9
“I think you need to leave now.” Sharon said starting to get a little nervous.10
“Oh no, not until you tell me. So lets make this simple shall we? What did you see this morning outside of your neighbours?” Sharon’s heart just sunk. 11
“I don’t know what you are on about, now I think it is best you leave before I call security.” She said in a stern manner.12
“What? You think they’re going to help you? That won’t help anyone. I am the only one in this existence that is willing to help.” She said.13
“Now tell me what did you see?” raising her voice enough for people to turn and look.14
John looked over and said “Sharon, are you alright?”15
“Yes john I am fine don’t worry ok? This lady was just leaving.”16
“I will go when you tell me what you saw.”17
“Seen? I never saw anything.”18
“You seen something, and you know you seen it. Now tell me ok just tell me!”19
John shouted over again. “Sharon are you alright?”20
“No john she won’t leave.” John made his way over to where they were standing.21
“Look lady, I advice you to leave here and now, as I won’t even hesitate to call security.” He picked up the phone and started to dial the number. “Ok, ok I will leave, but I will see you again Sharon you can count on it.” She turned and walked out the door.22
“What the hell was that all about?” john asked.23
“I wish I honestly knew she was strange wasn’t she?” Sharon said as she sat down shaking.24
“Just another idiot off the street I think, don’t worry about it ok?”25
“Yeah I guess so, she’s gone now anyways.”26
As the woman left the building she took a cigarette out of her bag, and lit it. She was a young woman long blonde hair, with eyes that could tell a thousand tales. She turned and looked up at the office window where Sharon worked. “You will understand soon why you need my help. And god forbid it’s going to be a hell of a struggle.” She walked off into the day.27
Later that morning as Sharon was working. Something in the corner of the desk caught her eye. It was a business card; she picked it up and looked at it “Anne Delacorte, 555-6928.” It must have been off the woman earlier this morning for some odd reason Sharon put the card in her purse, and went back to work. Wondering how she knew about her vision, “maybe she was in the building when she had it, who knows?”28
Back at the apartment Gary had got up to make Jamie’s breakfast. “Morning son, what we going to have then?” Saying as he lifted him up onto the stool. “Cherrios” Jamie said excitedly. “Ok one bowl coming up.” He poured out the cereal and put it in front of him.29
“Daddy, can we go to the park today. Mommy said it was ok.”30
“Yeah why not? And if you’re good we just may also have ice cream.” Jamie happily as ate his breakfast and ran off to get ready.31
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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The story is going up-hill! Plot is thickening. The dialog is more plentiful, thus more enticing. Lines 17-19 the tense choice of the word "saw" is awkward.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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The plot elements are building.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Very suspenseful and thrilling. You do an excellent job of teasing the reader into eagerly reading more. I love this! (I'm off to part 3.)
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i redone my make-up tiddly seengand ye ye chicken u do know who this is dont u?it's aruma matata for the rest of my days!hum hum hum hum ye yeahu go girl bless this story babe!
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damn i saw lots of chapters and i only popped in for a minute
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excellant
You are still keeping me, I have found my way and am going to find the rest. This certainly is a page turner. Very well done. -
2 down 8 to go!
Jadey xXxXx
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Very cool... I like the introduction of the Anne character... She reminds me of the holistic woman from my story... I think that she is in one of the chapters you missed, but she has that same all knowing quality about her. It is very intriguing thus far... I am off to the next.
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oh this is great.....
i cant stop......
on to the next part.....
Ann -
This is getting very intriguing my friend I can't wait to see the rest of it. Is this the beginning of a novel or a short story? The only suggestion I have is that you might want to use the word "She" in the place of the girls name now and then. Otherwise this is awesome, now I want to know more.
Red -
And so it continues,
This has a good strong theme.
Andrew -
curiousity has me here!
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good
Not as good as #1but still leaves me wanting more. -
Nat this is getting to be exciting. Just the right amount of build up and expectancy. Keep writing and let me know when number 3 is ready.
~Von~
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Yes Nat now I am hooked So now I need another one you have got me wondering whats going to happen next and thats because you wrote this so well
Good job Nat let me know when Part 3 in up
~~Dawn -
Oh Nat, Yeah this was awesome Just enough intrigue to make me anxious to read the next one!!!
Karen
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I agree with Tamara, this is very intriguing to say the least. I'm enjoying the story and the characters very much and can't wait to see what happens next....especially with this mysterious woman now and what it is she knows!!!!! Excellent writing when you're anxious to turn the page...hope we don't have to wait too long for the next installment LOL
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the story is building....
intriquing piece!
pen on dear one, I believe this is going to be a thriller!
Tamara
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