Behind The Eyes Of The Walking Dead

My ragged breath reverberated back to my ears as my eye's scanned the hell that was placed before me. As rain came down in torrents the only movement seen was an occasional survivor limping back to base. They had long since taken the injured back to camp but nothing had yet been done about the mass amount of corps' in my view.

The humid climate seemed to make the rain steam as soon as it hit the ground. The water seeped into the soil and created a mud so black that even the occasional crow seemed to glow against its black abyss. As the ground became wetter it washed mud over many of the fallen.

The temperature seemed to drop and my skin developed a case of goose flesh. My jaw rattled with cold shakes but I did not care. A black emptiness settled around my heart and I sank to the ground. Nothing mattered. Not Rachel, not mother, not even if I lived or died.

Scenes of the not so distant battle flashed past my dead blackened eyes. I leapt to my feet as an enemy soldier rushed at me, I pulled my weapon and fired. The sound riveted me from the entranced state I was in. I glanced around in panic, he was gone and everyone was dead. What happened? I am 20 years old. I should not be here. I should not have seen this.

I turned as a scout came to see the source of the shot. He glanced at my still smoking gun and nodded. He turned and walked back not the least bit concerned if I followed or not. I followed, but not without turning one last time to make sure my assailant had not returned to take me down with the many fallen men.

The black field of mud was as dead as the men in it and I never wanted to see it again.

Author notes

I chose option R: Battle field after a battle. I would like to dedicate this to all those drafted into the vietnam war and the sacrifices they made on our behalf.

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Comments


  • Zaridia7
    February 18

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    I liked it!

    I thougth it was really good. I was never into the historical fiction stuff. But I liked the way this sounded! Good Work!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 3.


  • Zach...thats me
    November 18, 2007
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    i like great job!!!


  • Delfishie
    August 6, 2007

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    Random Notes:

    "as my eye's" - eyes

    "even the occasional crow seemed to glow against its black abyss" - Wow, this is really great imagery.

    "I am 20 years old, I should not be here. I should not have seen this." - Again, great sentences. Very effective. I'd only suggest replacing the comma with a period.

    .....

    You did a good job with this. I would have liked even more descriptions, but what you did have screamed 'talent.' The two sentences I pointed out before, for example, were wonderful and had an excellent impact.

    Very wonderful.


  • Veritaserum
    July 19, 2007

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    Good job...

    I liked the way you described the landscape around your character...seemed very bleak and miserable, and the images did impress upon my mind very visually.