He held her close, she could feel the warmth radiating off his body; the scent of his cologne hung in the air. She could feel her insides burning with an unfound passion.
Running his fingers down her arms he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. A shiver ran up her spine as pieces of his shaggy black hair swept across her pale alabaster face, tickling her skin.
Resting his forehead against hers he gazed into her striking ebony eyes a contrast to his almond shaped azure ones. Slowly he brought his lips to hers. He had never felt anything so sweet, so soft.
Unsure if he should continue he drew back, but she pressed forward entranced by his kiss, never wanting to lose the feelings he created in her. She kissed him passionately giving him her all; she pulled him closer to her, melting two souls into one.
Author notes
Hang'Em high- My Chemical Romance
A contest entry
- 150 Words or Less by werner1221.
121 points, ended July 22, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hibitijibbitis......... by angel.of.mine.
420 points, ended October 15, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Flash Fiction Festival by SignifyingNothing.
170 points, ended April 23, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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What sensitive, sensual writing! I really enjoyed this..well-deserving of the gold that you received!!
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Well...obviously from the trophy and the comments some people really liked this, but I found it to be too cliched. I have had the misfortune of glancing through a few romances, and they all sound exactly like this. Maybe its just that I hate the genre.
Honestly, who actually has "a pale alabaster face?"
I suppose for what it is, its well written. It's a nice scene, but I would have liked a little more of a story. The stories that made it to the finalist list also have something really original that stands out.
Thanks for entering though, and don't let my comments get you too down. Different people like different things, and it obviously was enjoyed by some. -
Very well written. I mean so short still so good. Liked it.Great write. Good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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wow how wonderful this is, it just flowed so much i didnt want to stop reading, it was amazing all the emotions and how u worded it all. great job. thanks for enetering xox
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Wonderfully written. I loved the wording and how you could nearly feel what they were feeling. Wonderful yet short story. Each part of them was greatly described and the whole thing captured my attention nicely.
Thanks for entering and goodluck
Emma
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I really hate to be a stickler, but this is only 100 words. My contest calls for a minimum of 500 words.
You have one day to fix it or message me and let me know you're working on it. If by the end of such time you have done neither, I'm sorry, but I will have to disqualify you.
This was a really good piece, so I hope you can fix it within the alotted time.
Thanks for entering my contest anyway. -
A very soft, very tender piece. You could almost feel the connection the two peopel had. Beautifully written, well done.
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wow this is good. you put so much imagaing into it. i dont think i spelled that right but you get the point. i really like this one! good job!!
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Nice entry ~
~*~ Beautiful little angel,
let me kiss thine opened heart,
such true passion lies,
not in action
but in sweet whisper! ~*~
A nice entry in total, beauty is in short writing, which is the most difficult. This was interesting and you gave very amazing description. You used the length to your advantage, which laid emphasis on only one thing - love, which is exactly what I was looking for.
However, I got disapointed because of the typos.
*the warmth radiating of <-- off* his body*
*her striking ebon <-- ebony* eyes a *
*sweet nothings* a very vague sentence
Some of the big words were very unnatural in usage. Less verbiage helps, rather than hightening the image. Big words sounded awkward 'cologne' in this case.
Overall, an interesting and beautifully written piece! Nice job!
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that was cute, truly an amazing write. i love the end of that last line 'melting two souls into one.'
great job. -
Nice!
My verdict says it all! It's very nice. Short, simple and sweet. You know, I think you're going to have to teach me to write short, simple and sweet. I write long, long....and longer...Anyhow, I liked how it was a melding experience rather than a breakup one. And I liked how the emotions are real rather than that fake junk that can sometimes be taken for romance. That was romantic writing right there! Again, keep up the uberawesome work! -
It is soft and nice. I never had a story like this, very cute*smile*
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wow. i mean. very nice. well done. awesome vocab. and what a last sentence. im big on first & last sentences. and u did a great job.
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