My God of Death *First two chapters*


Chapter 11

My life sucks. I thought as I tried to get to sleep on my queen sized bed. So I started to think. That didn’t last very long because my brain started to pound and it made me hold my head. So I went to the next best thing. I listened to some music. I listened to some Greenday, Linkin Park, Eminem, and finally, Simple Plan got me to sleep. For once I fell into a dreamless sleep. It was quite peaceful. 2

I got interrupted in my blissful quietness by none other than Ethan Alexander Johnson. Also known as my gothic guy of my dreams. I looked at him with angry blue eyes. He smiled a toothy and fairly cheesy smile that always seems to get my in a happy mood. He laid next to me and asked 3

“Have a nice dream?” I looked at him and said quite simply 4

“No.” 5

“Really?” he said looking surprised. 6

“Yep” I said as if it were obvious. He stared at me. 7

"How many times do I have to tell you, if you want to stare take a picture, it will last longer!” I joked as I got up. 8

I can’t believe that he still accepts me even if I’m a hybrid. Now that’s true love. I bent down and gave him a kiss. In the process stealing his favorite pair of leather pants. I went to the bathroom and put the pants on and found one of my black corsets and put it on. I walked out of the bathroom and saw him drooling the instant I walked out.9

“Isn’t it a crime to be that hot?” He jokingly asked me. I did a twirl for him 10

"You tell me” I said an added "Do I really look good in your leather pants?” he glared at me. 11

“Thank you for letting me borrow them” 12

“I never said you could.” he retorted. 13

“Well I’m borrowing them and there’s nothing you do about it” 14

“Ok” He said as he went in to take a shower. 15

“I’m going for a walk” I said as I shut the door behind me. 16

It was of course night time. And no unlike the legends, we do not burn in the sun. We can go out it in it, but it’s not very comforting. Well anyways, I was walking around the block as usual until I heard some glass break. I waited and I heard a guy start to scream at probably a poor girl because she broke his whiskey bottle. I know because I can smell it. Then I heard a scream in the alley three streets down. 17

Crap I thought as I started to run to the scream18

Chapter two19

I kept running and I was there in about thirty seconds. I stood just above a man harassing a twelve year old girl. 20

Pervert I thought as I tackled him unconscious to the ground. I looked over to the girl who was balling her eyes out. I reached out my hand had she took it, letting me lead the way to my house. When we walked in the house I told her she could go take a shower after Ethan got out. As if on cue, Ethan stepped out and asked 21

“Who’s this?” I looked at the girl and told her to go take a shower. I gave him my ‘I’ll tell you later’ face and walked to the spare bedroom to get it ready the girl. Then I took some of my old clothes and set them outside the bathroom door. I went into the living room, sat on the leather couch, turned off the T.V., and said simply 22

“I think you should get some burgers Ethan.” he nodded and got up.23

“I’ll be back” he said as he walked out the door. Five minutes later I heard the bathroom door open, and then close again. A few minutes later, she comes in and sits next to me. 24

“Ummm...do you have----” 25

“He’s getting food right now” I interrupted knowing that she must be hungry. 26

“Oh ok... well I’m Katana.... what’s’ your name?” she asked. 27

“My name is Paine. Do you like hamburgers?” I asked. She nodded. Hear a knock on the door. 28

“I’ll be right back ok?” I said and I get up and go to the door. I get up and open the door. A man in a white coat was standing in the doorway. 29

“Ms. Catherine?” 30

“I’m sorry you have the wrong adress.” 31

“Were you once known as Catherine?” 32

“No, now go away’’ I said getting nervous. I was just about to close the door when he said 33

“I know what you are.” I froze.34

How'd they find me so fast? I thought as I reopened the door. 35

“What did you say?” I half asked, half demanded. 36

“I said I know what you are” he said. I slammed the door in his face and ran to my room. I grabbed my two duffle bags and started gathering my clothes. “Where are you going?” I heard Katana ask. 37

“It’s complicated” I said with my back turned to her. 38

“Ummm... can I help?” she asked. 39

“Actually you can. Ok go into your room and type in this code into the thermostat. When you do wait until something happens when it does, grab the white case ok?” I turned my back and started to pack again. I just finished packing my clothes and shoes when she came back. 40

“Thank you” I said to her as I heard the front door shut. 41

“Sorry it took so long” I heard Ethan say as he came into my room. 42

“They found me.” I said to him. 43

“So you have to leave again?” I looked at him. He looked so hurt, so alone. 44

“It’s not technically leaving if you’re coming too.” I said with a smile. He looked at me, shocked.45

"I...I thought people just slowed you down." He said, but then looked at the girl. 46

"What about her?" He asked. *bunny*. I didn't think about her. Katana looked at me, not knowing what to say. 47

"Well," I said, "I guess she'll have to come." the girls eyes started to twinkle.... Damn

Author notes

First two chpters... so yeah

A contest entry

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Comments


  • demonp3n
    July 3, 2008

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    Needs Work

    The storyline and concept are interesting, but I believe that this could use quite a bit of fine-tuning. None of the sentences flowed very well, which made the story less entertaining and hard to pay attention to. There was also a lot of dialog, which is fine, but in a story this short, it took up a majority of the story.

    It also could use some internal thought and emotion. The lack of emotion makes it very hard to connect with any of the characters. I felt nothing for Paine, Ethan, or Katana, at all. Internal thought would also help the reader get to know Paine better and relate to or enjoy the story more. I personally would have loved to know what she was thinking throught all of this, it would have made this far more entertaining.

    More information could have been given on the characters. By the end of this, I still feel like I barely know them. I know this is only the first two chapters, but I should at least feel like I've known Paine for awhile.

    You could have drawn the events out more. I wish there would have been more on the drunk man, and why Paine chose to take the girl home rather than taking her somewhere else.

    This has a lot of potential, but it also needs a lot of work. I think that if you made these changes, you would have an amazing, outstanding story.


  • Nakatrea
    June 30, 2008

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    ooooooh... I want to know what happens next!
    Please write more...I'll read all of it!
    for me Payne?

    ~Kat *♥*

    (I loved it you know)