A Small Tuft of Fur

The cold, piercing rain falling on her face was a drastic contrast to the numbness that had overtaken her body. Her eyes watched the world of chaos in front of her unseeingly, her ears not daring to listen to the scream of the sirens, the calls of men or the sound of metal on metal. She was scarcely aware of the soothing words that the paramedics gently cleaning at her cuts were offering her, her young mind unconcerned with the terror of the scene.

Finally someone was able to break her free from her dreamy state, speaking to her softly with kind words as he tried to gently pull the battered teddy bear she clutched in her small arms away.

“No!” She wailed with that hauntingly shivering scream that only children could make. Again he spoke words to her, hushing words, words of consolement, and again he tried to take it away.
“Why don’t I get you a new bear? That one’s become dirty and torn.” Still she’d hear nothing of it, and the officer was helpless in trying to convince the stubborn little girl that she needed to give up the bloodied and ripped toy.
Her bottom lip quivered as tears threatened to flow from her pale green eyes, the first sign of real emotion she’d shown since being pulled out of the wreckage. Unbeknownst to them the quivering, emotional girl’s mind was elsewhere as she chose her memories over living in the present.

The world was a bright, scary place with frightening, fuzzy shapes and cold hands. She cried fiercely, alone in this new world, until she felt herself being handed over into the waiting arms of her mother.
“Sh. Be still my little Annabelle. Your mother’s here.” The voice soothed her as did her gentle, caressing touch, and the soft folds of her clothing brought warmth to an otherwise cold world.
“That’s right. I’m here for you. I’ll never leave you little Anna, I’ll always watch over you.”

Now she was older by almost three years with a mane of golden curls and bright, rosy cheeks. She still viewed her mother as her savior, a goddess in this world, and when she came into her room to hand her a small plush bear her feelings of joy were indescribable. Words could not express her thanks at being bestowed this gift, and all she had was her love to give in return. Through tears of happiness she had run up into her mother’s arms and expressed her love the only way she could. In a hug.

The world was a different place now. She was older by another two years and the world outside the protective shield of their car was a scary, loud blur. Her mother’s tender voice helped her feel peaceful in their desperate situation; keeping her ignorant of the perils their out of control car put them in.
“Oh dear, don’t fret. We’ll pull through.... your mother will get us out of this.”
The words of her goddess consoled and brought peace to her for even now at the age of five she still placed her mother on the highest of pedestals, her long brown hair always seeming to glow with her love for her. Her, her little Annabelle, who felt unworthy of the love that seemed to know no bounds. No lies could ever be spoken by her, so she was secure in her belief that her mother’s words would ring true.
“N-now, don’t have any fear,” she heard her mother continue as their car was sent careening off the busy highway, “whatever happens, I love you. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter, nor have been more proud. You are my world, Anna, and I’ll always watch over you. Remember? I promised, didn’t I? I never break my promises. I’ll always be there for you.” She remembered listening intently, unsure of the meaning of the words and unsure as to what the slight quaver of fear in her mother’s voice was, but knew how her mother felt about her.
“You need to be brave now. Can you take off your seat belt and climb under the seat? Yes, like that. Just like hide and seek! Hide well under there and press yourself against the steel back. I know it’s cold, dear, but it will protect you. You know your mommy loves you, right?”
“Yes mommy.”
“Good girl.”

“Please let me have your bear. If you don’t want a new one at least let someone mend and wash it. It’s covered in-” The officer paused on the verge of mentioning her and her mother’s blood splattered across the plush toy before continuing awkwardly. “-filth.”
“No. That’s mommy’s job.”
“Ah, sweet heart, your mother is- she can’t do that. Why don’t you let me?”
“No! My mommy takes care of my bear.”
“She won’t be able to, though. She- she’s gone. She died.” Her pale eyes turned towards the uncomfortable form of the cop with a strange sense of awareness and her voice sounded just a little eerie when she replied.
“I know.” How could she not have known? There was a special bond between mother and daughter and she knew that nothing could break it. She knew, though, that something about it had changed, but her mother was still with her. The knowledge was as clear in her mind as night and day and she found it just a little silly for him to be telling her.
“Mommy is still with me and Bobo, though. Bobo doesn’t want anyone to wash him but mommy. We’ll wait until we can see mommy again.” Looking a little bemused the cop shrugged and wandered away as does the little girl. Jumping down off of the chair she had been seated in she walks unnoticed through the hurried, uncaring press of people until the loud noises are far behind her. Her eyes fall on a large tree, its branches hanging so as to shield her from the icy rain that sliced at her exposed skin. She then sat down at the base of the tree, her eyes roaming the landscape aimlessly even as she stroked her precious bear. All of a sudden her grasping finger pull loose a tuft of hair causing a horrified gasp from her and the immediate presence of tears.

Once again she feels alone in the world, and once more she feels her mother’s warm presence dry her tears and console her. She imagines her mother tenderly kissing her cheek, the spot feeling warm and fuzzy afterwards, and watches as the sudden burst of a sunrise masks her from view. A content smile spreads it’s way over her face and she quickly squishes her bear tightly, a feeling of happiness spreading through her as her mother bids her a partial goodbye.