My God of Death


Chapter 11

My life sucks. I thought as I tried to get to sleep on my queen sized bed. So I started to think. That didn’t last very long because my brain started to pound and it made me hold my head. So I went to the next best thing. I listened to some music. I listened to some Greenday, Linkin Park, Eminem, and finally, Simple Plan got me to sleep. For once I fell into a dreamless sleep. It was quite peaceful. 2

I got interrupted in my blissful quietness by none other than Ethan Alexander Johnson. Also known as my gothic guy of my dreams. I looked at him with angry blue eyes. He smiled a toothy and fairly cheesy smile that always seems to get my in a happy mood. He laid next to me and asked 3

“Have a nice dream?” I looked at him and said quite simply 4

“No.” 5

“Really?” he said looking surprised. 6

“Yep” I said as if it were obvious. He stared at me. 7

"How many times do I have to tell you, if you want to stare take a picture, it will last longer!” I joked as I got up. 8

I can’t believe that he still accepts me even if I’m a hybrid. Now that’s true love. I bent down and gave him a kiss. In the process stealing his favorite pair of leather pants. I went to the bathroom and put the pants on and found one of my black corsets and put it on. I walked out of the bathroom and saw him drooling the instant I walked out.9

“Isn’t it a crime to be that hot?” He jokingly asked me. I did a twirl for him 10

"You tell me” I said an added "Do I really look good in your leather pants?” he glared at me. 11

“Thank you for letting me borrow them” 12

“I never said you could.” he retorted. 13

“Well I’m borrowing them and there’s nothing you do about it” 14

“Ok” He said as he went in to take a shower. 15

“I’m going for a walk” I said as I shut the door behind me. 16

It was of course night time. And no unlike the legends, we do not burn in the sun. We can go out it in it, but it’s not very comforting. Well anyways, I was walking around the block as usual until I heard some glass break. I waited and I heard a guy start to scream at probably a poor girl because she broke his whiskey bottle. I know because I can smell it. Then I heard a scream in the alley three streets down. 17

Crap I thought as I started to run to the scream18

Author notes

option 1

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • whichcraft Greeters member
    March 15, 2008

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    I can see where this story can become really good. I thought you threw too much information to the reader in the last paragraph of your story where we had to absorb everything that was just happening. It speeds up your story too much and doesn't allow for any development of the characters and the plot.

    You also made a few punctuation mistakes throughout your story, leaving out commas and periods.

    Otherwise, this story can really go far and it would be interesting where your character is going next. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • lexiconsthedevil
    November 27, 2007

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    i like this. i really like the relationship you have set up between the to people. i can relate cause the guy i like has this cheesy smile too that always seems to make me laugh!


  • Siby Anan
    August 23, 2007

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    I think the beginning of this story is kind of confusing. Because the introduction before the chapter didn't really have much to do with the story, unless there's going to be more later that actually says something about it. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, just speaking my mind.

    There is a few grammatical errors here and there, but overall I think the part human, part vampire thing is quite interesting and I think this story is pretty good. Good luck in the contest =]


  • Andrew Timothy
    August 20, 2007

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    The story is interesting, but it echoes Underworld - only the vampiric female is half human, not werewolf. This could turn out to be something pretty great.

    Now, I have some suggestions. PLease don't be offended by them as I'm only trying to help.
    Your first paragrpah before chapter one fully contradicts itself. The MC talks about all these things she doesn't know (evidently she does). And then the in the chapter, her boyfriend loves her even though she's "a hybrid". I think it may be best to either delete the first paragraph, or reword it, so that it's from a third-person viewpoint. Also, there were some grammatical errors, but I couldn't find any spelling ones.

    On a whole this story is pretty good, it just needs some polishing up.

    Good luck in the contest, and congrats on being nominated.


  • I Dare to Dream
    August 19, 2007

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    This was good, but unfortunately not much action till the end. I would prefer if you added something more to this, and enter some more horror as I have yet to see any. But it was an excellent beginning, and leaves you wanting more. Great write!


  • Elvenfairy
    July 12, 2007
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    this was interesting, but wich option does this fall under? Anyways, interesting story, thanks for entering my contest.


  • Ziee..
    July 12, 2007
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    Hmm.. it was okayish..

    good luck..
    i cbf to comment properly.. ive just woken up =[


  • Lady-Pegasus
    July 11, 2007
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    Welcome to storywrite! A very good start with plenty of action and wonderful thoughts. With a little refining of the technicalities, this may show to be the start of a very good story. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e

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