1
do you want a fuck he said2
which was quite surprising since i had only just been standing in front of him for two secs (secs not sex) and i had never even met him before 3
i told him he had no idea of how to chat up women4
later on two lads asked me if i wanted something up my bum5
i have finally emerged back into clubs and pubs after twenty odd years as i have my mid-life crisis and i find that things have really changed.6
i look down at myself to see if i am naked or wearing a see through top or a tee shirt that says hi i am anybodies talk dirty to me.7
what has happened to all the lads- they have gone completely perverted- everyone out in a club or pub is a pervert or too drunk to talk?8
i zip my jumper up right to the top and resolve never to go out again OR do i take my chances and just fuck everything in sight and have something to talk about when i am in the old peoples home getting a bed bath and sprouting whiskers and spluttering and spitting out bits of food as i tell of my adventures back when i totally lost all inhibitions at the sight of twenty year old virgins gagging for it and begging me to let them stick something up my bum ...9
maybe -maybe not. you decide- hey i cant be expected to tell you everything and do ALL the work. just think of this as a diy tale 10
anyway i leave you to muse on how much sex you may have missed out on through fear of being thought a pervert or maybe not.... but first a nice little story to get you through the night and make you think you are not as much of a pervert as you thought you were or maybe even more than you thought you were depending on how much it turns you on or off :11
this man wanted to go back to his works to get something out of his locker.12
his works were closed for two weeks but there was a security guard there. as he turned the corner he saw the security guard and was just about to shout' hiya albert what you up to ' when he noticed that albert was naked covered in cat food lying on the ground and letting all the works cats lick the food off him. so our man went home instead.13
is this a tremendously sad story or is it funny or is it totally disgusting and shouldnt have been posted becausue who knows as i dont plus i have more stories of fun and frolics in surblurbia land such as the time the postman called just as bert was watching a blue movie with a box of hankies by his side and the postman had to knock on the french windows right in front of bert cos he had a parcel that wouldnt go though the letter box and bert just bluffed his way through it all and told him to leave it there and he would get it later and he carried on doing what he was doing 14
and then there was the time when my sisters friend went to the doctors and took a doggy bag with her from a restaurant she was sure had poisoned her and the doctor sent it away to do some tests on it and told her she hadnt got food-poisoning from the restaurant sfter all but that there were three different types of semen in the food .15
i didnt know they tested for semen did you. 16
is it all urban myths or is it true. well its all true to me cos i never ever ever lie. this is gossip weakly reporting from the outer echelons on a keyboard somewheres near me but not you17
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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You are a genuis. I'm in love with this story, it is blunt, realistic, and stands there like a nudist, completely unashamed. You should read Chuck Palahnuik's books. Your style reminds me of his.
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Tickled by the things you say.....but in the spaces! ....................the things you dont say (but strongly hint at!)
Shameless you are -
oh, I just missya', that's all
I always missya'
or
I just loveya'
maybe that's it and I love your ablsolutely uniqueyness and then some...
how can you make me laugh and still see the realities as well
You are
feckin' brilliant! (does that sound British? feckin', lolololol
sillysillymimimi
contestical, you gonna do?
Oh, I wonder...I don't get out much anymore...maybe my crisis is going on now, then it always has been for many years and then
I get to smile
and
laugh and say
Yes, that's right, that happens here too in maybe a different way or the same in some
and
I
I am grateful that there is a plinkyponk!
mmmm, sherry????
Oh my! -
Are we related?
sometimes, I read you and wonder????
(Oh, you poor thing, but, I, I don't know...I so too much relate, Plinky, ohhhhhh!)
(((((Pl.P.))))
mich
HUH!????!!!???
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okay, yes, you have me wondering...and I dunno, how much of nothing can one live with and damn, to go out after 20 years is pretty fucking amazing to begin with...now, am I a Pervert and do I care? No, I am not and yes, I would care, but you've made us think and yes, I loved that Jumper, zip it up and wonder...
And the Postman w/the big package and sublurbia and who was she speaking to? the reader, methinks...I, yes, think semen can be tested for, but, er, in your 'sister's case', don't know...
gossip w/a twist, yup...lol and I'll be damned, you do kind of crawl into our minds and take over...Oh!
You, Plinky...can PLONK!!!!!!!!!!!
YUP,YUP...amazed, laughed and also THOUGHT...HUH!
applause! you dare, see, to do what most don't...wow! -
its got spaces cos its like me having a conversation with you so the gaps are you and then i pop up with my sentences and it makes you read it fast ...does it? ...which is how i read it anyway. like the spaces are where you are you and then i leap into your consciousness. thats why i left it like that it amuses me. it reads like a gabble and it is gossip so you tend to gossip fast and go quite whilst listening ..of course i could be totally wrong i usually am. thanks for reading my work as well.
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You made me work for this one. Why so much wasted space? I loved the part about the doctor's tests. Thanks again for reading my work.
Many regards,
Leo Long -
FOB!!!
plinks you NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.....it's all over the place, crazy sexual and scariness.....and yay for plinkyponk's keyboard. it is the source of must happybums and boolinshalath. so Go Plinks For President and all this......Prime Minister actually. yeah. i love the fact you aren't afraid to Stand Up and Gargoyle about a cat food security guard bum daisy. it's just so crazy awesome......FIN. -
delightful
ah.....plinky what a dinky little doo-dah-day..so good you got anymore....?...love these lines you are a scary person with that outspoken intelligence
....
freda
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Still laughing at the cat food. The other stuff wasn't as funny except the beginning about wearing the t-shirt saying 'i'm anybody's, talk dirty to me', but the cat food was hilarious!! I will have to applaud this and ask you to keep me posted on the gossip by continuing to plinkyponk along on that keyboard of yours. Barbie. Xx
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more more more more more more more more more more
moermoremoremoremoremoremoremroemroermoemroemroemroejroe
cant get enough of this stuff, your highness.
funny and good
especially the bit whrere you zip up your jacket,
crying like a little girl over some lad
waving his popsicle at you.
lovely, lovely -
very weird read,wouldn't say it's erotica really though
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The modern day Sex in the City through Plinkyponk without the commercials and without the bullshit. A wonder to behold both in content and conversive style. Now, if I bring over some sherry, could we get all catty about how that new girlfriend is ugly AND overbearing? lol Jane
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miss you ..you are wonderously wonderful especially 1/2 sherried and gossiping .. miss you we must get together more often to discuss things .. magical and otherwise .. definitely i think, yes.
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you arent even on the people who are on line yet you managed to comment on this before i had hardly had chance to post it! you are magical in more ways than one little lisakinsy xxx lips and gossip i suppose i mean it just came to me as an apt title. of course i will be editing and deletinfg wildly in future maybe...its amazing what you can write with half a bottle of sherry in ya. i am starving i need a cake. btw i loved your poem and voted for it to win and IT DID it was and is marvellouso....
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are you sure you weren't wearing that outfit you wrote about a long time ago about working in a bake shop .. i think it was a see thru outfit ? do you remember that? i do it was a very way cool designer see thru with string ties or something . . after rolling in batter i think if i remember correctly which i might not cos it was a very very long time ago .. but you know who might remember ( bohb ) he's been very scarce lately in the workshop building building ( he does not wear see thru when he works with wood however - he's shy ). i didn't know they tested for semen. test what i wonder? lips? i'm confused and thanks for the updated outer echelons keyboard gossip . love your good friend cville lisa-kins xxoooxxooo
Edited on Jul 25, 2:27 p.m. because 'can't sepll i mean spell'.
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