(still) Untitled - chapter 2

The following morning I woke up to the screeching cry of my alarm clock. It was a quarter after six in the morning. I hate getting up for school. I don’t quite understand why school begins so early in the morning. It’s the most annoying thing in the whole world.

“Tory! It’s time to wake up!” Aaron poked his head through my bedroom door, disrupting my thoughts about school. Aaron’s my eleven-year-old brother. He’s really short and skinny for his age. His hair is a shade of dirty blonde and cut really short, which makes his ears stick out. He’s mostly a good brother, but he’s really protective of me. I guess it’s because I’m his only sister, but sometimes I feel as if he’s the older sibling and I’m the younger, instead of the other way around.

“All right! I’m going!” I replied, as I reluctantly tossed back the warm covers and slowly emerged from my bed. It was really cold in my room and I began to shiver slightly. I glanced at my door. Aaron had disappeared from it so I began to get changed for school. I peeled off my pajamas and slipped into a medium length denim skirt. I then paired it with a slightly low-cut pink top and a crystal butterfly broach.

I have an overwhelming passion for butterflies. I think they are the most beautiful creatures we have here on earth. I remember once, when I was really young, a butterfly had landed on my hand. It was so light-weight that I could hardly feel it, which mystified me. It kept alternating its wings from a spread out position, where I could see all the patterns and colors of its delicate wings, to a closed position, where its wings were tight together. I remember looking at its bright colors and feeling warm and happy inside. I remember being totally at peace. Now, at thirteen, I had packed my room with as many butterflies as I possibly could; trying to conjure that same peacefulness I had felt. I think I really need them now that I’m going through my ‘teen’ years.

“Tory!” it was my mother’s voice who screamed at me this time. Her screeching voice echoed through the house making me jump and cringe at the same time. She was standing at the bottom of the staircase when I came out of my room. “Tory lets get a move on here! You’re going to miss the bus!” Her voice was gruff and I could tell she was still upset with me. I almost apologized to her again. I wanted to apologize to her again, because last night I hadn’t actually meant it in my heart. But my words got stubborn and as I descended down the stairs, I just brushed passed her on my way to the kitchen for some breakfast.

“Good morning lil’ sis!” Jessie greeted me with his wide grin. He had inherited dad’s amazing smile and gleaming teeth. He was eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes at the family dining table.

“Morning.” I replied dismally sinking in the chair beside Jessie. I really hate it when my words won’t come out. If I would have just simply said ‘I’m really sorry mom’ she would have forgave me and she wouldn’t be all upset. But no, I didn’t say it and now I was really going to pay for it. I could tell by the look in mom’s eyes when I passed her saying nothing. I was in for some kind of punishment. I miserably poured myself a bowl of Captain Crunch and started shoveling it into my mouth.

“She’ll get over it,” I looked over at Jessie, confused for a moment, and then realized he was talking about mom, “She always gets over it.”

“Yeah, I know.” I said shifting my eyes from his to stare at my already half eaten bowl of cereal. I tried to change the subject. “Where’s Aaron?” Jessie gave me a serious stare.

“He’s upstairs trying to help mom do some stuff o the computer or something. Don’t leave for school without him.”

“I won’t.” I promised, “Where’s Ed?” Edward is my youngest one-year-old brother. He is very round and chubby and looks exactly like dad. Except for his dark brown hair and hazel eyes, which came from mom. He’s named Edward after my Grandpa Eddy, who passed away around the time of Ed’s birth. Personally, at first, I didn’t really like the name Edward, but it has grown on me.

Jessie didn’t answer my question because he knew that I knew Ed was sleeping and all I was doing was attempting to change the subject. I sighed and told him want he wanted me to.

“I want a whole different relationship with her. Like the relationship you and dad have. We just disagree too often and she’s always mad at me.”

“She’s not always mad at you. Besides, you could have a relationship like dad and I. You just need to work at it, show some ambition.” He patted my hand, got up, and disappeared through the front door. I heard his old fixer-upper Ford sputter out of the driveway on its way to school.

Jessie’s right, I decided, I need to work hard for what I want. I left the table with a sudden determination. I left my empty cereal bowl on the table (I’m not really a very tidy person) and hurried for my shoes and bookbag. I was out the door and walking to school in seconds, forgetting to wait for Aaron.

As I sat in class that morning, I kept thinking of what I could do to make mom and my relationship better. Mrs. Logan, our math teacher, was pacing the classroom ranting on and on about equations. So I just kind of zoned out. I do that a lot in class; I do that a lot at anyplace that’s boring me. It was an absolute mystery to me how I managed a B+ average.

“Victoria!” A high-pitched squeaky voice called my name and a ruler slapped upon my desk. It broke me from my daze and I came back abruptly to the classroom. I found myself staring into the gray, anger blazed eyes of Mrs. Logan. “Victoria!” She repeated in her screeching voice that reminded me of nails scratching on a chalkboard, “Can you answer the question on the board for me please?” Mrs. Logan likes to call me by my full name instead of just Tory. I don’t know why she calls me that, or why she says it so often.

“Uh…Um…” I mumbled as my eyes sought out the dusty chalk board. There was a really complicated equation written upon it that I wouldn’t have been able to solve to save my live.

“Well, can you?” Mrs. Logan tapped her foot impatiently. I slowly shook my head no. Math isn’t my best subject. Mrs. Logan rolled her eyes, gave me a grim glance, and called on someone else to answer her question instead.

For the rest of the time I had to force myself to concentrate on the lesson. I didn’t want to get on Mrs. Logan’s wrong side; again. She could get pretty mean, and I would know because I’ve learned from experience. One time, I had been daydreaming a lot during class. When the math final came around, I totally and completely failed it. I only got about three out of ten questions correct. Well, after the class when our tests were handed back to us, Mrs. Logan asked to speak with me.

“Victoria, I am very disappointed.” Mrs. Logan’s voice had sounded different, I remember, more low-pitched and kind of hurt. I hung my head and looked at my feet. I really don’t like to disappoint people. “I want to know what happened.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Logan. I just wasn’t paying enough attention in class, I guess.” I looked up and saw her eyes get really big. They got so big I could barely see any white behind the gray of her eyes.

“Sorry!?” Mrs. Logan shouted and her voice squeaked again, “Math is your future and you’re ‘sorry’ you failed it? Victoria, I’ll say this once and only once, you can’t go through life daydreaming and failing. You have to wake up and succeed!” She scared me real bad because she yelled all this, but later, after I got a chance to think about it, I was grateful for her advice.

“Now, you get this signed tonight.” She gestured toward the failed test I had in my hand. That was her punishment given to me. It made my stomach lurch to think of what mom would do when I showed her the test.

It caused another mother/daughter blow-out that night.

After math class was dismissed, I met up with Carrie in the bathroom to chat a bit before my lunch period.

Carrie Thomas has been my only best friend since pre-K and we trust each other with our lives. It’s actually kind of funny that Carrie and I are best friends, we’re nothing alike. Carrie is a real upbeat, sporty kind of girl. She plays almost every and any sport you can think of, yet she’s kind of ditsy. Her eyes are an amazing Safire blue and her figure is so thin and fit it could make supermodels jealous.

“Mrs. Logan scared the crap out of me today.” I started up conversation with Carrie as I checked out my hair in one of the dusty mirrors that hung above the bathroom sinks.

“You sure looked like it.” We both laughed as Carrie imitated my expression when the ruler had slammed upon my desktop. She portrayed me very well.

“So, what are you doing this weekend?” I asked Carrie curiously, hoping she had nothing to do so we could make plans.

“I got a soccer tournament at Edgemont. I’m going to stay there all weekend.” Carrie answered. I guess she knew I wanted to do something so she added, “But I’m not leaving until tomorrow morning, so today I’m free. Why don’t we walk down to Frosty’s and get some ice-cream after school?”

“That sounds good to me.” We smiled at each other, and left the bathroom.

The rest of the morning and afternoon passed by surprisingly quickly for me. Before I knew it, Carrie and I were walking, loaded down with book bags filled with homework, to my house. Our plans were to walk there (my house is only two blocks away from the school), drop off our book bags, and head to Frosty’s.

I live in a very small town, Hillsville to be exact, so everything is pretty much in walking distance. Hillsville, in my opinion, is a pretty great place to live. We have your basic buildings: grade school, junior high, high school, library, public pool, all that. Plus bonus shops and restaurants. There’s this big highway that goes almost right down though the center of the town, but it’s usually not very busy. It’s almost just there for show, as if to convince outsiders that the town does get busy at times, but it never does. It’s known for its calm atmosphere, its nature, its green luscious plants, but ironically not for its hills. Hillsville is totally flat. Which probably sounds odd, and I guess it kind of is. Jessie once told me that the guy who founded it must have been drunk and hallucinated the hills when he named it.

As Carrie and I walked and talked down the street, I couldn’t help admiring all the trees that draped over the road, perfectly shading it. The leaves were bright, fresh green and gently swayed in the spring breeze. Birds were flying, happily singing over head. The aroma of flowers and alfalfa filled my nostrils and reminded me how much I love this town, with all its nature and wonders.

Before I realized it Carrie was leading me into a small retro ice-cream shop. Frosty’s was a cute shop, designed with a 50’s theme. They had the absolute best hard dip ice-cream in the county. I walked over to the counter and a rather fat teen ny the name of Jed took our orders. I always get the strawberry cheesecake ice-cream with real pieces of strawberries and cheesecake. It tastes like a piece of heaven-on earth in my mouth. Carrie always gets plain chocolate, which also tastes delicious.

After Carrie and I ordered we sat down in a booth and enjoyed our delectable treats together.

“Humm…This is sooo good!” Carrie moaned in delight.

I agreed that mine was also. After both our ice-creams were safely in our stomachs, we headed back to my house.

“Where have you been?”

Mom was waiting for me the second I walked through the doorway. Her eyes were wide with anger and her nostrils were flaring.

“We stopped by Frosty’s after school.” I told her cautiously. I had just come to the realization that I had never given mom any information about where Carrie and I were headed after school.

“What?” Mom’s eyes widened and her voice shook. “You went where? I was sitting here worried sick about my daughter who never came home from school, and you were off eating ice-cream?” She was yelling. Her shrill, ear-piercing yell that ripped though my eardrums. I didn’t want her to yell at me, I hate it when she yells at me, but this time I understood that she had a right to. I felt helpless, and now I was getting mad at her for making me feel that way.

“I’m sorry ok?” I mumbled.

“Sorry? You’re always sorry! You made me think something awful happened to you. You could have been kidnapped, or worse.”

“Mom, get real. What are the chances of getting “kidnapped” in Hillsville? Nothing bad happens here.”

“That’s a really stupid thing to say, Tory!” She yelled. “Even the quiet towns have a dark side. I can’t believe you’d be as stupid as to think that nothing bad can happen to you here!”

“Mom, you’re being ridiculous!” I told her, my voice rising. I felt my pulse begin to rise. I felt the blood pumping through my body. I could feel the headache starting to form.

“Am I?” She demanded.

I glared at her. I knew if I said anything now she’d turn it against me, or they’d turn themselves. But she was being ridiculous. If she would calm do she’d realize that I was safe at home now. She didn’t need to keep going on and on about what could have happened. The point was that nothing had happened. At my silence mom began shouting again. I did feel bad about making her worried, but the way she was handling the situation made me so pissed at her. So I just tuned her out then. My mind was blank, my body still, my eyesite blured. I could no longer hears mom’s piercing yells. I was just there, hoping against hope that I was someone other than here right now. I just stood there thinking, lost in my own thoughts until mom’s yelling suddenly subsided. I was jeked back to reality and my eyes refocused on the scene in front of me. Jessie was ushering Carrie out the door, book bag over her shoulder. She glanced at me before disappearing from my house. I couldn’t read the expression on her face but I figured she was shaken up, I had forgotten she was there. Mom was still standing over me, her face flushed from yelling. She glared at me, turned on her heel, and headed upstairs toward her bedroom. I heard the door slam shut.

Jessie and I were the only ones left standing it the foyer.

“You alright?” He asked softly.

“Yeah.” I answered.

“Why did you have to do that?” Jessie said in his helpless, frustrated voice. “You knew she was already pissed at you. Then you had to go and make her worried and more pissed.”

“I didn’t piss her off on purpose! I just forgot to tell her I was leaving.” It actually didn’t even cross my mind to tell her I was leaving. Sometimes when I get to focused on one thing, I forget about the simple important stuff.

Jessie sighed a deep, hopeless sigh, “Just don’t forget again. You should really start thinking about mom’s feelings and stuff rather than just focusing on yourself.”

This was really not the right thing to say to me. Mom says all the time that I’m too selfish and it makes me want to rip her head off! I’m not selfish!

“I’m not selfish Jessie!” and I yelled it so loud that it echoed off the walls.

“Then start acting like it!” Jessie was getting really annoyed with me now. I could tell. He turned around and started to climb the steps, but he stopped when he herd the sounds of me crying.

To tell you the truth, I cry a lot. It’s not like I’m a big crybaby or anything. It’s just if I get thinking about something like I was now, I usually start a fit of crying. I can’t in truth control it. I call them my “little pity parties”.

“Am I really that bad of a daughter, Jessie? Am I that awful I make her want to yell at me so much?” I couldn’t stop the hot tears that gushed from my eyes. I know that what I’m babbling on about sounds ridiculously pitiful, but it made my heart ache to think that maybe the reason why mom yelled at me and pissed me off so much was because I was so bad at being a daughter.

When my body finally started to shake I felt Jessie wrap me in a hug. Jessie was a good brother. Jessie was a good son. Why couldn’t I be more like Jessie? The thought just made me want to sob even more.

“Calm down,” Jessie whispered in my ear, “And don’t think like that.”

Consequently, I did. I made my mind shut down and go blank so that I simply didn’t think anything. It seemed that whatever Jessie told me to do I should do. He never told me wrong. So gradually my tears went away and my body became composed once again.

Jessie let go of me because he knew I had listened to him. He patted me on the shoulder and told me I was a good sister and daughter and I should go apologize to my mother. So I did, blank minded, like a zombie.

It made her happy too. She hugged and kissed me. She loved me so much yet I felt so guilty cause I didn’t really mean a word that was coming out of my mouth. But mom didn’t know that and she showed me love.

Jessie never told me wrong.