His breastplate glistened in the evening sunlight. His long blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail, as he made his way through the chest-high wheat. The weight of the sword strapped to his back was a comfort as he checked behind him for his followers.1
He had known he was being followed, ever since he left the woods. The soft snap and heavy landing of the branch had easily given it away. He had walked on without flinching only a frown of discomfort had changed his appearance. Rather than continue on the footpath towards Horns Breach and have the possibility of putting innocent lives at risk, he strode into a wheat field full of healthy crops, promising that his pursuers would regret their actions.2
He had been counting his steps - past seventy now - why were they after him already? All he had done was befriend and take care of her. Why did he have to grow up with those close-minded morons? Shaking his head he mouthed 'ninety' and looked over his shoulder - just in time to catch a glimpse of an animal head looking his way.3
Surprised, he kept going till he reached one hundred paces and turned to face his unexpected foe. Its head was that of a hyena, with a furry humanoid body. It was dressed in blue torn cloth as far as he could tell. Smiling in humoured relief, he looked into its eyes and relaxed. It was nothing more than a Gnoll! He knew more would follow but at least it wasn't any of his townspeople or, dare he think it, bounty hunters. The Gnoll looked back at him with its yellow pupil-less eyes, licking drool from its mouth it smiled back. All it saw was its next meal - how the Gnolls loved to play with their food.4
"Here Gnolly Gnolly, come and get me you pathetic excuse for a spy"5
With that he ducked out of sight and crept towards the centre as he heard the Gnoll cry out in rage and charge into the field. The rest of its group would not be far behind.6
He crouched down upon his knees waiting for the right moment to react, his light purple robes billowing in the strong breeze, wishing he had worn something less bright. Reaching for his sword, he traced the intricate skull shaped pommel with a single finger. Grasping the hilt, he checked that it was clear in its scabbard and slid it back home. Satisfied it would not fail him when needed.7
"Thank you again for this gift my friend, I'll never forget you" He whispered these words as he glanced to the clear blue-orange sky. The night was approaching he had better be quick. 8
At the Gnolls' continual cries he smirked - silent hunters these were not, the simplicity of taking them out nearly caused him to laugh aloud. As far as he could tell there would be around 10-20 in this small gang of theirs. A whole gang against him - outnumbered - his favourite odds! As the cries drew closer he moved and readied himself to tackle any who came close enough to him. Tensing himself as their cries came to the highest point, he almost collapsed when they all passed him without physical conflict.9
"IDIOTS!" He cried10
Drawing his great sword he stood up, realising the mistake he made due to his haste. This Gnoll gang had a lame member, it was a mute and obviously slower than the others. It spotted him easily, standing almost a foot taller, and he noticed it held the worst weapon for that exact moment. Before he could strike and dispatch it, the mute smiled an almost wolfish grin, blew a crude looking whistle and slammed two discs together that mimicked the sound of cymbols.11
Without hesitation it was dispatched with one swing of his sword, cutting off the whistle’s sound with a final shrill and tuneless blast. Spinning round he saw and quickly counted twelve blood thirsty Gnolls. They faced him readily. Placing his sword tip to the ground, he leant on the crosspiece. He watched them, wanting them to make the first move. He awaited their axes in a calm manner.12
To his surprise three of the damned Gnolls pulled out loaded crossbows and fired!13
Abandoning his sword, which stayed rooted to the ground, he threw himself to his left narrowly dodging all three bolts. Then the cries came again. Rolling, he neatly came to his feet. Staring at his charging opponents he raised his right hand, pointing towards them with his fingers. Three silent words he mouthed, his hand turned a bluish colour for just a second then a single magical bolt flew from each finger, all four bolts reached their targets, which in turn promptly crashed to the ground.14
Rushing to his sword, he pulled it out neatly from its rooted position and kept going at a low running crouch. Popping up to take a swing at the Gnoll who had charged too far, he embedded his sword through its waist and into its spine. Letting go of the sword he let the flailing body fall.15
"Six down" he murmured. Prying the axe from the Gnolls lifeless hands, he ducked off, making his way towards the ones armed with crossbows.16
Having reloaded, the three Gnolls surveyed the scene. They had no idea where the human had gone. With the wind against them they felt extremely edgy. Shivering slightly one accidentally loosed his bolt! Unfortunately it flew true - right into another Gnoll's shoulder. The unfortunate Gnoll lost its footing and landed head first, skidding painfully to a halt, unmoving.17
Fearing treachery another Gnoll, the closer of the two to their trigger-happy friend, fired its own crossbow at the traitor, piercing its heart. As the body fell to the ground, the shooter calmly and coldly reloaded.18
"I'm trusting I won't have to shoot you Drakal.............. Drakal?" Spinning round the Gnoll found himself very much alone. Drakal was nowhere to be seen and three others were searching far ahead. The Gnoll was suddenly struck with fear! Last time it had looked there had been five! Feeling numb and beginning to sweat, fearful of what to do, it didn't even flinch as a single bolt pierced the creature’s neck. Closing its eyes it slumped to its knees, toppling face first to the ground.19
Picking up the dropped crossbow the human stood up, the three remaining Gnolls, having decided to gather round his sword, spotted him taking aim. They gaped at him and just turned to run as fast as they could, forgetting fallen comrades and fled for their lives. He fired and watched the bolt shoot home, taking down another one.20
"That makes a nice even ten," he thought. 21
Two Gnolls weren't going to bring him more trouble. 22
"Besides," he thought aloud, "this way the word may spread and the name Magikan will be known amongst the Gnoll clans." He smiled at these words as he started to haul the bodies out of the field and collected his sword. Having hidden his pack earlier he hadn’t realised anyone found it till he picked up the mute’s body. 23
“I’ll have that back, thank you!” Quickly checking inside it to make sure the pouch was still there, which it was, along with the 5 gems he had placed inside it. Sighing in relief he double-checked the body count. Satisfied, he cleaned his sword upon their rags of clothing. Placing it back in its scabbard he gripped Drakal's crossbow. 24
"I bet he didn't even know what hit him, nor did that stray trying to take my sword." Collecting up a few bolts for the rest of his journey he set off again towards his original destination. 25
Horns Breach. Glancing at the nearing sunset he kept his eyes open for a safe place to rest, suddenly feeling very weary.26
Author notes
Well I've taken my time to finally post this first chapter. Enjoy 
all comments welcome especially if u enjoy it yet think just a little bit here and there would go far 
If u scroll back up and click next you'll get the second chapter else copy & paste this link:
allpoetry.com/Story/770744
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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i love it is is good you are one of the best writers i know...
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You are giving dragons a good story! kudos
I smell an eragon fan!!
nice story. I like the whole idiot part. can't wait to see what happens nexted. Here I go!
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Thanks for pointing out why it doesn't stand alone. As for the crossbows... they had run into the field than stand and wait... he didn't expect missile type weaponry. The rest of the questions get answered later on in the story.
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This story leaves me with a lot of questions. Why is he running? Where is he headed to? Why did the gnolls attack him, and why was your character surprised that they had crossbows? Who was chasing him, other than that ... or who should have been chasing him? Little things like these would help to make this chapter a stand-alone story. Or, if you deliberately don't want to answer them, perhaps just add on to the ending so that it seems a bit more complete.
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By any chance a player of Baldur's Gate and such? A talented storywrite you are indeed. An excellent beginning is always a good start, Much love,
Lily -
This is a nice start But I'm useless at praise, and good only at criticism, so here it comes!
There are a few misused words - "symbols" should by cymbals, I suspect, unless you were trying for a pun. Likewise, I'd punctuate this slightly differently, although that may just be personal bias towards a greater use of the comma, and lesser use of the exclamation mark. In particular, unless you're hero is mid-orgasm or similar, you want to try not to have two sentences in a row ending with exclamation marks.
Description of the foes the hero faces and the surrounds are adequate, description of the hero definitely needs some work. Unless this guy really is fearless - and shouldn't there be a reason for that being so - you need to put a greater focus on his emotions. Having a rock of a character that defeats everything put to them gets a little boring to the reader after a while.
Okay, I'm hardly an expert so take with a grain of salt. Good luck.
flamearrows
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This is GREAT! wow! I want more! I am going staight to chapter 2! see ya!
Laceangel13
By the way, this guy sounds really cute!
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sweetheart i am sorry i clicked ont hsi gain. i did not relize that i had read it before, never the less it was well owrth the second go around. you are very talented.
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This was good I enjoyed it but will have to bookmark to read the next one. I could just see Heath Ledger or Brad Pitt in the staring role
Mia
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Hey cheesecake, thank you for the comment Chapter 1 originally was a 2 part short story that took me an hour to write the first draft of (a college lunch hour) the idea was more spontaneous for this first chapter. But I've been toiling with this Chromatic Dragons idea for a while. This is my first story and I'm writting alot of it lately - quite a few later chapters and ALOT of background work. There are many more chapters to come but I keep putting off chapter 3 and I hope to get it done soon. I've only recently got my motivation for writing back again. Plus I had a great idea for a prologue. So the Prologue is next then chapter 3 thanks again for the comment. (Oh and I've only been writing for a year an a bit)
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awsome! i loved this peice i am yet to read vhapter two but i cant wait how long did it take? and were did u get the idea from? Are you going to write any more after chapter 2 i think you should cause you are an awsome wtiter
How long have you been writing for? and how long on this site Any way keep writing cause you are very good and could make it along way and have a safe and good day
From cheescake
kepp on writing
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Cool beginning to what looks to be a cool story! I'm a fan of reading stories, just not a very good writer of them. You have the skill that I do not, and I admire it. Keep it up, I'll keep my eye on this one...
-Lunatick
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Overall I'm really digging it, it took a few rereads to get the whole idea, and asking you on MSN. But it's late and I'm hyped up on coffee. Anyhoo, when you talk about him grasping the hilt of the sword, you give us (me at least) the allusion that there is meaning behind it, that it's like his best friend sorta. When he begins to fight, he leaves it stuck in the dirt, after that he jams it into a petty gnoll and leaves it there. I think there should be at least a struggle to pull it out, or retreive his 'friend'. I dunno, I'm a fantasy noob and have only read a few books. Off to chapter two I go! Great job btw. hehe
*Edit*
Also, when he goes to cast that spell, add more effect to it..yay! Do something to show the power he posesses. Make the grass shake or as Terry Goodkind stated so beautifully, 'Thunder with no sound'. Cheers m8.
Edited on Jan 12, 5:46 because 'cuz?'.
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nice story!! I cna't wait to read the rest of it!!
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love the fantasy stories, but as a swordsman myself, i do have one piece of advice for everyone out there who has any aspiration of writing sword and sorcery--go out and take some sort of martial art. karate or similar would work, but iaido or kendo would be better. if youre up for it, the SCA would be even better than that. go out and fight and get hit over the head a few times.
jadedknight is absolutely right for one--the situation is very rare when you actually tense up. taking a charge with a pike is one such. but in almost all situations, a swordsman who stays alive is a swordsman who stays loose.
i also agree that the hero could have a better name. -
pickles are good in mayo
ooooo i like this story so far you have got to tell me when you continue to write more! that also goes for other stories you have written, but im only interested in stories,ok, keep up the great work RM, adios! -
Great write beautiful flowing story leaving you baited for more i agree more description of they guy could be used but this is a great piece.
ponytail, - perhaps this should be a "Warriers Tail"
Its head was that on a hyena - OF a hyena
At the Gnolls' continual cries he smirked - Continued?
Tensing himself as their cries came - Most warriers when taught how to fight (from historical stuf ive read and from studying martial arts) actually relax themselves ready for combat so their body can move in any movement thats needed.. this is being picky in the extreme and i apologisen but its something that you can do or ignore at your whim
I must also say i did not like the hero's name
Edited on Oct 04, 8:15 because ''. -
Awesome
That was a great story, im off to read the 2 chapter ^_^ I love stories like that! -
this is incredable as hell. i love fantasy writes, and this is my ultimate favorite! i have posted a story on here as well in 7 seperate chapters called Warrior of fire
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9/10
Keep writingn ya random bastard *hugs* -
Hey kool story. This is very descriptive and i kant wait to read more!
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Well if they are "totally into dragons" then they should enjoy it alot. I am myself have around 12 dragon ornaments - mainly pewter ones - and i'm also a big sword and sorcery fantasy fan and have read alot of books that have given me the inspiration to let the words flow in the right way and then work of that.
Edited on Jul 30, 2:30 because ''. -
Ha Ha I really really really liked this alot
thanks for sharing it and I may send a few others to comment
friends who are totally into dragons and all. thanks again for sharing and hope you get a ton of comments!
-Rayven- your ten year old prodigy -
OO!! this is Awsome!! i cant wait to read the next chapter hehe keep up the great work!!
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interesting!
I see a multiclass character that has adventure on his mind.
yes...
this does hold one's interest while waiting for the next chapeter.
so far i've enjoyed what I've read.
Would make a good hero in my new world..Orion.
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill -
oh sweetie this is a wonderful story. you should write more of them. you are very gifted, and a gem at that. well done! i very much so enjoyed this story. i have written on of my own...called Warrior of Fire....it is in 7 seperate chapters
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this is great write tsr style even and i can not wait to read part 2 .and this does kinda of sound like lord of the rings and pendragon i would agree.
Pendragon -
Dude, you could like TOTALLY get this published!!! I'm serious! The only thing that you could be missing is more discription of the guy. This sounds like a mixture of Lord of the Rings, and Pendragon. Keep on Pennin'! I wanna read chapter two!!! ~Ari
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While reading the first few paragraphs, it acutally reminded me of another story I had read in a book once. Although, after finishing the story, I then felt like this was a mixture of Lord Of The Rings (minus the ring part, obviously), the story I have mentioned before, and I can't remember the title of the thrid one, but I do remember what happened.
This was very intresting, it kept me wanting more and more throughout the whole chapter. Can't wait to see Chapter two come out.
It's been awhile since we've spoken, don't know if you remember me or not, but I hope all has been well with you. Well, just let me know when Chapter two comes out.
Once again, this was excelent.
Vampress -
Strong
Having only recently read the style of story you are doing , I find myself drawn into the colourful immagery. Reads well to me. good luck with the next chapter
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This is a colorful, well written piece. I like your style... how it flows neatly from scene to scene. This reminds me of some the dungeons and dragons adventures I used to role play in. I'm anxious to read chapter two.
Regards,
Leo Long
ps. I like the hacking and slaying parts..lol -
Awesome
heeeyyaaa its awesome so far the first chapter is great. i like the ending alot, its one of those lines thats gonna make the reader wanna turn the page to see why Magikan was feeling weary, so u might wanna keep taht in mind cus things like that always trigger the " dont wanna put the book down" theme. heh yea i dont know wut im saying but i dooo know that its headed in a good direction! awesome job, cant wait for chapter two!
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