Ryan Gives Up on His Mother

First problem was one of location Ryan lived near Alvin Texas a place only famous for its favorite son Nolan Ryan the Houston Astro’s future hall of fame pitcher. It was a small town with not much commerce or couth. The congressman lived in River Oaks, which was a very posh area of Houston.

As they were pulling up to the congressman’s house in the non air conditioned 1984 Toyota Corolla he and his mother shared. Nancy decided to yell “Get out of the way BITCH” at a lady running with her baby in a sport stroller. Since the window of the car was down due to the heat and the lack of the air-conditioning the wife of the Congressman received an earful of Nancy’s mouth shouting at the sporty mother.

Even before dinner she had to be asked to not smoke in the house by the maid. At dinner she did started eating before the host had been seated. These things were bad, but it was her after dinner antics that Ryan believed ruined his chances of admission to a prestigious military academy.

The Congressman was having individual conversations with each candidate. Ryan’s stomach was tied in knots due to how badly the night had gone. He was waiting his turn hovering so he could glean an advantage. He hoped he could salvage the meeting. Ryan had done what Ryan had always done he studied his subject.

In this case the subject was Congressman DeLino “The Texas Exterminator” Ryan had memorized the Congressman’s votes and stances on various issues. He knew the bills the Congressman had sponsored and fought for. Ryan had rehearsed an off the topic script which played on DeLino’s pure loathing of the EPA. The congressman had begun professional life as an exterminator. Shortly after he started business the EPA had banned the insecticide which was DeLino’s stock and trade. DeLino then used this hatred to power his political ambitions.

Ryan was ready. Ryan was especially relieved when the only female candidate crashed and burned. She raved about her science fair project on the Doomsday effects of global warming. She had not done her research. DeLino had denounced global warming as “false science” from the Congressional floor. Ryan’s research would pay off and he will be the Congressman’s pick him to attended the Naval Academy despite his mothers lack of couth.

The time had come Congressman DeLino waived over to Ryan to begin the final conversation. His mother saw the gesture and hurried to be with Ryan at the meeting. Ryan remembered to give a firm handshake as he approached the Congressman.

“Well Mr. Black you have quite a resume here” the congressman said looking down at what Ryan recognized as his academy application.

“The academy does not particularly like to accept home school students, [long pause] but since you are a National Merit finalist your academics must be pretty solid not to mention your perfect score on the SAT as a 15 year old” the Congress was beaming as if he had found this home school genius.

“Yes sir I think I have earned a much more rewarding education at home” Ryan said.

“To quote a certain Congressman from Texas “Parents are the most qualified to determine the best course of study for their children” Ryan quoted from a speech he had watched on CSPAN.

“Wow how did you remember that” DeLino asked. It was obvious that he was flattered as most politicians are when someone quotes them.

“Yes he loves to watch T..” Ryan’s mother tried to say, very upset that she was being left out of the conversation.

“I think you will be an asset to the Naval Academy and this country” the congressman interrupted her making her visually pissed. DeLino noticing that Mrs. Black was getting agitated decided to pay her some attention. This is a natural skill for a politician.

“And you Mrs. Black must be very proud that you not only raised, but were responsible for his education” DeLino said. Nancy almost beamed.

“Oh well you know kids love to learn” taking the line her sister Patty uses when she talking about her own homeschool brood.

It was complete shit she had taught him nothing in his 18 years. This bitch Ryan thought trying to take credit for the unbelievable amount of hard work he had put into his education. The late nights of study while working at crappy jobs to help pay off IRS liens from a vanished father.

“I just wish I could get him to stop jerking off and pissing in the bed” she said.

The words rolled off her tongue and hit Ryan like a brick.

“Ok well um.” the Congressman said visually shaken at the awkward moment.

“Have a nice evening Mr. Black” DeLino said.

“I am sorry sir” Ryan said as he grabbed his mother’s arm.

He dragged her out of the Congressman’s home. Never had so much anger entered his mind. He shook as he walked quickly to the car. Nancy knew she should not have said what she said so she was not putting up much of a fuss.

“Jerking off and pissing the bed my God did you really say that” Ryan growled at his mother.

“Get in the fucking car Bitch!” Ryan said as he fumbled with the lock on the Corolla. Nancy knew by the look in his face that she should do as he asked.

“Goddamnfuckshitshitbitchmutherfucker” Ryan said as if speaking in tongues as he went to the other side of the car. He slammed the car door of the driver side as he tried to start the car.

CLICK

The engine on the on the car did not turn over. The engine did this once in a while. Ryan thru the door open and more calmly then he thought possible popped the trunk. This happened once in a while and Ryan had figured out how to fix it. All that had to be done was to tap the starter with his trusty ball peen hammer while turning the ignition. The hammer was in the trunk just for that purpose.

Why now! he muttered to the gods.

“What are you so pissed about” Nancy asked as if not knowing.

Ryan chose not to hear her at the moment. His mother was dead to him. Tears streamed down his face as he searched in the trunk for the hammer. He saw DeLino on his front porch saying his farewells to the other guests and then the Congressman saw him. Ryan, fearing that DeLino might approach and make this day even worse for him, grabbed the hammer and hurried to the front of the car. He slid down and squeezed under the fender.

“Try it” he shouted. His mother knowing the drill turned the key.

CLICK went the starter PING went the hammer

The car did not start.

“Again” he shouted

CLICK PING GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

The engine turned over. Ryan quickly moved to the drivers seat door and slid in. He tore down the posh River Oaks street without looking back.