Delfishie : how did the paper go?
Auto response from blackfire212004 : its the DAY OF SILENCE...if you are not participating than PLEASE support...It is time to LOVE those HOMOS...so I declare it HUG A HOMO DAY...or ALLIES for that matter...the LGBTA deserves to be LOVED so give them some LOVE, folks :: HUGS :: :-*
Delfishie : wow.
Delfishie : hug a homo day?
Delfishie : That sounds...wrong.
Delfishie : How about hug a PERSON day. I think it'll catch on better
Delfishie : because it's better to define yourself as human, rather than by your sexuality, because then that's all that matters.
Delfishie : Like those actors who are gay, but don't admit it.
Delfishie : Because the moment they do, every single article about them (let's say their name is Howard Smith) would start, "Gay actor, Howard Smith, donated 20 billions dollars to charity today" or "Howard Smith, the well-known homosexual star of 'Great Overpriced Movie,' discovered the cure for cancer last friday after drinking too much Sangria..."
Delfishie : You're doomed. You're forever defined as a homosexual
Delfishie : no matter what other accomplishments come first, to the media and everyone but your closest friends, you're Gay Man
Delfishie : When they hug you, they're "hugging a homo"
Delfishie : Plus, my totally xenophobic cousins and I once got in an argument over Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Delfishie : My cousin D. said that she no longer liked the show after "Willow became a lesbo"
Delfishie : And I was like, "Just because one character is a lesbian doesn't mean that the show loses anything. Rather, it should get props for taking risks"
Delfishie : and D. was like, "I don't want want to watch shows about lesbos, or homos, or anything."
Delfishie : By cutting down the term to a silly-sounding name, it becomes a dehumanizing bullet.
Delfishie : which was how they used it.
Delfishie : ....You know, I have no idea where the hell I'm going with this or what this has to do with Hug a Homo day.
Delfishie : I guess I just don't like the name homo, because it sounds derogatory.
Delfishie : Like if NBC created a new show, "Fun with Faggots"
Delfishie : or something. Even though it's framed in a positive light, the language makes people view it as a justification for their own prejudices.
Delfishie : Much like the way that Dave Chapelle ran away mid-season on his show because he became horrified at the way white people were laughing at the word "nigga"
Delfishie : language is so powerful
Delfishie : and it's so hard to steer
Delfishie : Sorta overwhelming, you know
Delfishie : Oh. Also. I hate people who sue restaurants.
Delfishie : just to make money
Delfishie : "Oh, your food made me sick!" Of COURSE it makes you sick, you stupid people! It's a restaurant and, despite how you may try to remain ignorant, those are DIRTY DIRTY PLACES.
Delfishie : Especially McDonalds
Delfishie : My mom once told me this story about how she went to a Mcdonalds one night, but she had to go to the bathroom before she ordered. The stalls were all
occupied and so she waited, and when the next one opened a Mcdonald's worker came out without flushing the toilet. My mom was all like, "Um, you didn't flush the toilet." but the girl didn't say anything and walked out WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS. Mom followed her to behind the counter and was like, you didn't wash your hands, but the girl STILL ignored her and so my mom and her friend left without eating.
Delfishie : Very few people actually WANT to work at restuarants and I bet, odds are, the food you order will be contaminated with SOMETHING because you have UNDERPAID STRANGERS handling your food.
Delfishie : So you sue because you get diarrhea? That's just idiotic.
Delfishie : Like going to Spain to run with the bulls, and then suing because you got rammed in the butt by some bull horns.
Delfishie : No shit, dude. What were you expecting?
Delfishie : Stupid bulls.
Delfishie : Who runs with bulls, anyway? That doesn't make any sense. You're just asking for trouble.
Delfishie : If you're looking for a thrill, why don't you do something POSITIVE with your life-risking ways and volunteer in a bad neighborhood, or work in a hospice with sick people, or go over to a foreign country like Brazil and work in the ghettos to help people escape, despite the prevalence of firearms.
Delfishie : Fuck the bulls. Those places are more risk and more reward than any spanish bull could ever offer
Delfishie : AND ANOTHER THING! My stupid shorts are WAY TOO TIGHT, which is making me SERIOUSLY EXAMINE EVERY LITTLE DETAIL OF LIFE and JUDGE EVERYTHING
Delfishie : Fucking tight shorts. I don't CARE that they're two sizes too small and it's a miracle I can get them buttoned. They should FIT because I WANT them
to, motherfuckers!
Delfishie : GRRR!
Delfishie : Oh! And today's WEDNESDAY and I hate the way it's SPELLED. It's not pronounced Wed-Nez-Day, it's pronounced "Wenz-Day"
Delfishie : I don't CARE that it's named after the Norse god Wodin!
Delfishie : Wodin can suck my LEFT NUT SACK
Delfishie : If I HAD a left nut sack, which I DON'T
Delfishie : And, honestly, I don't see the big deal about having testicles in the FIRST place.
Delfishie : How in the world do they give a person courage? Why do we equate them with such an idealized concept?
Delfishie : Are they implying that women, because we LACK left nut sacks, do not have the capacity for courage?
Delfishie : If so, FUCK YOU, TESTICLE-NAZIS! Women have courage! We'd never spread our legs to you if we weren't brave, for who in their right mind would risk PREGNANCY, DISEASE, and FUCKED-UP EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS TO BULL-RUNNING ASSHOLES if not for our astounding capacity for courage!?
Delfishie : And ANOTHER THING!
Delfishie : It's Wenzday and tonight LOST is on.
Delfishie : I'm REALLY EXCITED AND HAPPY that it's ON.
Delfishie : I LOVE that show. It's my SECOND FAVORITE SHOW after HEROES and I'm GLAD IT'S NOT CANCELLED
Delfishie : How fucking HAPPY I AM!
Delfishie : ...Maybe I should change pants.
Delfishie : I don't think circulation is overrated after all.
Delfishie : Oh! And one of the things I REALLY LIKE is TALKING TO MYSELF on AIM because my friends
AREN'T THERE to LISTEN TO MY INSANE RANTING
Delfishie : And RANDOMLY capitalizing words for EMPHASIS!
Delfishie : It's an ART!
Delfishie : So. Um. Yeah. Get back to me.
Delfishie : hehe. heh. hehehe.
Delfishie : Sigh. I think I need to go hug a homo. I'm way too tense.
Author notes
Um. Occasionally I go insane. And talk to other people's computers when I know they're not on. Hope you enjoyed it. Or, at least, were moderately entertained.
A contest entry
- Peanut Butter Jelly Time by Phantasmix.
170 points, ended July 16, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - My first SW contest! (lame title) by TuesdaysChild.
350 points, ended July 28, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Bored.... by Shiny.
175 points, ended July 17, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me laugh! by Unpredictable Lover.
350 points, ended September 3, 2007, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I laugh, you laugh, everybody laughs by deepak-maini.
175 points, ended December 12, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - This Defines You by OkapiShomapi.
600 points, ended January 16, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ready, Set, Go! by Brittneh.
225 points, ended February 8, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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what the heck???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i didnt even read it im bored,,
tacos blak -
wow
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Ok
The first part of the story was well expressed and was on a very important theme, you made a good point about how a gay person can be defined only by their sexuality in our society.
It was the rest of it that I had a hard time with. I guess i just didn't get the humor. The part about the restaurant ticked me off, it seemed annoying to me, sorry, but that was my reaction to it. Maybe that was the point, to get a rise out of the reader, or maybe it was just humor- I guess it just doesn't fit with my sense of humor. Obviously, some people did find it very funny.
Maybe i had a hard time making the transition from a serious topic where you were making an important point to a lighter topic where you were still being just as biting but the effect was more sarcastic. I may have just taken the restaurant part too seriously because I felt that the beginning was so serious. A second reading makes me think that may be the case.
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Wow, indeed.
Honestly, I appreciate negative comments. I find them helpful in order to become a better writer, so normally I'm not offended.
However, calling something "stupid" and "immature" is not helpful. It's hurtful. And while I can understand why you'd think that, perhaps you could be more tactful in the future?
Thanks.
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WOW!
Genius!! haha, I love this. I think I annoyed my dad from laughing so much. Amazingness. =] -
Hahahaha. You know, I've read this before and I knew what it was going to say, but I still laughed out loud at it. That's good humor -- it's funny the second time as well!!
It's really good, though, and surprisingly well-written (how many AIM conversations are grammatically correct?). Nice job.
Thank you for a great laugh, and good luck!
annye
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Delfishie : How fucking HAPPY I AM!
Delfishie : ...Maybe I should change pants.
Delfishie : I don't think circulation is overrated after all.
Delfishie : Stupid bulls.
Delfishie : Who runs with bulls, anyway? That doesn't make any sense. You're just asking for trouble.
LOL! this seriously made me start cracking up!did you ever change your shorts,btw?! lol this was seriously funny though.Oh yeah.Cuz i do stuff like that every wenzday
congrats on the trophies! -
Funny
I enjoyed reading it. It wasn't break-your-jaws-laughing kind of funny, but more of unassumingly, subtly, funny. I don't enjoy rants, as I have personally been accused of it, but this just felt exceedingly easy on the nerves. Maybe it wasn't a rant in the first place and was close to your being contemplative. Anyway, I liked it.
Good luck. -
hahahahaha....
oh my god, this is brilliant. i love it. you really pulled of the insane humor well... i love it.
"If so, FUCK YOU, TESTICLE-NAZIS! Women have courage! We'd never spread our legs to you if we weren't brave, for who in their right mind would risk PREGNANCY, DISEASE, and FUCKED-UP EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS TO BULL-RUNNING ASSHOLES if not for our astounding capacity for courage!? "
hahaha, that's the best part.
great job.
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*smiles*
It's ok. Very random, some good arguments were presented...but I've heard funnier things on the internet.
"Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide?"
"Apparently"
"Someone finally let him watch one of his own movies" -
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Haha you read bash.org too
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XP XP XP XP omg, thats hilarious!!!! Very good job, I was out of my chair laughing!!!!! I love it!!!!! I really love it!!!! Good job and good luck in my contest ^.^
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You should most definitely enter this in my contest, I would love to publish this. Haha!
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Oh my god, i actually fell off my chair from the hysterics you put me in. You are incredibly random and funny... I like it. You raise good points that I'm sure I could elaborate on if there wasn't a gigantic stitch running up my side from over-laughing... and if I could breath properly right now.
Thanks for the laugh, it was an awesome.
Love Shiny -
Very entertaining! "Hug a homo day"!! That would be awesome! XD
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LOL, that rant was hilarious. The restaurant thing was just gross even though I know it's true. (Makes me glad I don't eat at Mcdonalds anyway).
And the nuts, yay, someone has finally said exactly what I was thinking. you should have added pussy to the nut rant . I mean you have to be really strong down there to create and house life.
Ooo, you've made me go into my own rant.
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I love to laugh and this story put a good smile on my face. I don't really laugh unless someone tells me a joke in person but I really liked this. Hope you do well in this contest.
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Ummmm,,,,, hahahaha!
Hmmmm.....ummm..... like....wow! Not sure what to say to alla this actually. LMAO!
Except that I somehow managed to get myself caught up in reading your crazy rant when I wasn't planning to! hahaha. It has nothing to do with this contest, and ya broke all the rules...heh....BUT... in spite of the unnecessary crude language, I found myself actually being ENTERTAINED with your conversation to yerself! LOL! Some very funny stuff there!!! (much of which I happen to AGREE WITH!)
I can tell that you have a lot of wisdom lurking in that nutty head of yours, and you are obviously quite intelligent and also extremely funny!! heh.
I don't believe I've ever seen anyone IM themselves before though...so that was a new one on me! hah! Anyhoo...thanks for the entertainment...was....MOST INTERESTING!
Oh...and btw...that was soooo disgusting (not to mention, downright DISTURBING) what ya said about McDonalds!! Ugh! I may never eat there again!! LoL. And yer right...restaurants are filthy places...my sister's ex used to be a chef at a 5 star place, and you don't even wanna know the stories I heard about the kitchen & the cooks!!!!! *barf*
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LOL. Thanks for the review. You see, this is what I get when I enter a contest at 5 am. Reading comprehension gets a wee bit lax around then. *grins*
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Your AIM monologues are the best. And I would totally watch a show called "Fun With Faggots," because... well, you know how I am.
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This made me laugh very very hard. Very entertaining. You've got quite the busy mind!
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interesting
Very post-modern.
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^_^
I rant all the time...I APPLUAD your TALENT at RANTING...it is an art, a beautiful one of which you have ACCOMPLISPED well…the sudden SHIFT in topics during a rant is what makes it a SUPERB genre of COMEDY…I love your CAPATILIZATION…keep ranting…the devil invented the hand drier...the FINEST point to this rant is that it proves many valid points of truth...nuts...who needs them...I have killer eyes but I also have one heck of a left nut...not the whole sack...just that nut...
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Wow, I love this. Insane ranting rocks. And I love what you said about how calling someone a homosexual is degrading if you aren't calling them a person. I have friends who are gay and I don't think they appreciate the way people look at them after they know of their orientation. Maybe you should wear tight shorts more often. Lol.
x.lIZ.x -
LOLERS!!
lol! hahaha! loved it!
you actually have a point in most of what you talked about.
lol, again, i loved it.
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hahahaa!
That was the most entertaining thing I have EVER [Emphasize] read.
I mean..I laughed so hard at the testicle-nazi part. -
LMAO! ROTFL! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH
I'm down with the lingo! LOL
That was some funny shit! I don't get the "having balls gives you courage" either. Having balls is actually an inconvenience when you try to sit in a chair and accidentally sit on your nuts. It's not cool.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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hahahaha, that was a hilarious rant. "Fuck the bulls..."
I would certainly laugh if I found this on my screen. Most of my friends are boring when it comes to opinionated rants, and just stick with the usual:
'how are you'
"good you?"
'good'
"yup"
'cool'
"indeed"
'whats up?'
"nothing, u?"
'nadda'
"cool"
'indeed'
"k, bye"
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