Our Last Kiss1
It was a clear day in our little town. We didn’t anticipate a lot of sunshine in the middle of September, but that day was really pleasant. There were only a few clouds in the sky; left over from the downpour we had the previous few days. 2
It was my final year in high school, and I was smug with the new authority of a senior. I was on top of the world. For my 18th birthday, my father had finally after almost three years, given me permission to use his ’56 Mercedes. Yep, I was the man with the plan then. But the car was nothing short of what else I had. I had Oriel, my auburn haired beauty. At 17, she was to anyone else, the average girl next door, but to me, she was anything but ordinary. She had so many quirks in her personality, each one beautiful to me. Heck, even the way we met was kind of comical.3
It was the first day of 4th grade. I was a short little angelic looking boy with dark brown hair my mother had gently parted to the side. (Though I tried my best to prevent her from doing it) Everyone that saw me that day ogled over how handsome I looked. The adults around me reminded me of my cheek-inching great aunts. ‘A little angel’, my neighbors had said as my mother escorted me to school, insisting I hold her hand. This was my first lesson that moms never quit. 4
My mother had dropped me off in my classroom, and then went on her way. I went to play with some of the guys I knew from next-door. Legos were huge back then, us guys loved them. Best of all, no icky girls liked them. When I was smashing a stubborn Lego on the top of my tower, I first noticed her. She was in the back of the room, innocently brushing the hair of a small porcelain doll. She had strawberry red hair, freckles, and a blue and white lace dress on, complete with big blue silk bows on the ends of her ponytails. She was humming softly, a song that my mother used to lullaby me to sleep with. I dropped my lego curiously, and sidled over to her.5
“Why are you all alone?” I had asked her.6
“My Mommy and I just moved here. I don’t know anyone.”7
“Well”, I had said eyeing my unfinished tower. “You can come play with me if you want.”8
I expected her to snort like all other little girls back then did, and continue fooling with her girly doll. But to my surprise, she accepted. 9
From then on I guess everything went in a blur. Throughout school we were both teased for our strange names. In middle school Oriel always stuck up for me when the school bullies called me “Lame Laramie”. Honestly, back then I hated my name. But she was always there through all of the teasing and bullying. We didn’t start dating until sophomore year, but I think we knew we had something a long time before that. We were never prom king and queen, or voted cutest couple, but we had something the others didn’t. We were in love, and by my senior year I had fantasies of Oriel as my wife. As soon as I turned 21, I was going to propose. I was a dreamer; there was no such thing as life without Oriel. I didn’t care how far apart we were, I was determined that we would be together forever.10
It was Tuesday that clear day: My baby’s birthday. She was going to be 18, and I had plans for her. At home, I decided I’d do something she’d never forget. In my little apartment, I made up my mind that I would cook her the old fashioned romantic dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs, with strawberry and cream tarts for dessert was on the menu. I couldn’t cook, but my Uncle was a chef, who I called over to help me. 11
By 8:00 that night, I had put on my best suit and tie, and my hair was combed in that special way. The table was set, the candles were lit, and there were a dozen red roses at the middle of the table. There was only one thing missing: music. Before going out, I grabbed a CD to play on the way. It was “Have I told you Lately” by Rod Stewart, and it was “our song”. On our first date, when we had our first kiss in my car, that was the song playing on the radio. Since then, it was our golden song. Perhaps maybe, our wedding song, some day.12
I got in my car, and drove off, my heart thumping with anticipation for the night.13
Oriel looked beautiful with her hair tied up, her goddess like figure enveloped into a slinky black dress. Seeing her there, beaming at me on her front step, I felt like the luckiest guy alive. I went up to her, and playing all my courage, kissed her hand elegantly and said “Happy Birthday Baby”. She giggled and kissed me, and I led her to my daddy’s car. Opening the door for her, I said “Ladies first” as she stepped in, smiling at me. 14
I turned the ignition, and smiled at her. “Been waiting for me?”15
“Of course. Don’t I always”, she had said, tucking a loose auburn curl behind her ear.16
I turned my radio on, and guided my CD track to Rod Stewart’s tender piano beginning to our song. Oriels face lit up and I started singing along. She joined in with me, our voices belting out against the quiet night. We didn’t care if our voices were untrained and terrible; we loved every minute of our voices entwined together in the melodic harmony. At the end of the song, as the piano faded out, I looked at her and said, “I love you.”17
She looked like she was about to cry, and leaned in to kiss me. As our lips touched, her eyes darted to the road.18
“Laramie! Watch out!” she had cried. In one split second, I a lit portion of a Chevy idled in front of us. From the left lane, I swerved in the night to the right. Heard the cars scream and screech as the car skidded, began to whirl out of control. I remember hearing us both screaming, and then a huge crashing through our windshield. 19
When I opened my eyes, they were stung and bleeding as I felt little pieces of glass nestled in my temples. The first thing I noticed was the sensation of being upside down. The car had flipped, turning us upside down, my seat belt the only thing holding me down. Remembering where I was, I wrenched my neck to the passenger seat. Oriel was gone, only glass and blood littered where she used to be.20
Frantically, I called her. “Oriel! Oriel! Oh my god, Oriel!” Tears stung my eyes as with shaking hands I unbuckled my seat belt. In an instant I was down on my stomach, crawling through the destroyed driver’s window. On my belly outside the carnage, I grabbed fistfuls of earth and pulled myself away from the carnage. “Oriel”, I cried feebly. 21
About three yards away, Oriel was lying face down on the dewy earth, her dress tattered and blood smeared, a wound at her head bleeding profusely. I could see tiny fragmented glass shards sticking out of her hair and face, one arm thrown beside her, one mangled arm supporting her underneath. 22
I cried out when I saw her and crawled over to her as quick as I could. Turning her mangled body over, I embraced her, assuring her it would be alright. I laid my head on her chest, and everything suddenly went black.23
When I finally woke up, I could here rain pattering outside a window. I opened my eyes slowly, feeling the warmth of someone’s hand on mine. Starring at me from above, were both of my parents, and a few of my friends.24
“Thank god!” my mother had cried when she saw me move. They held me close, as my eyes adapted to the surroundings. I was apparently in the hospital, and there were bandages on my arms and one across my forehead. I asked the first question that came to mind.25
“What happened”, I asked having no memory at all.26
“Your car ran into a tree, honey” my mother sobbed caressing my swollen cheek.27
“Am I OK?”28
“ You have a few broken ribs and a fracture in your arm”, my father said.29
Slowly my memory came back to me. There were flowers and get-well balloons all around my bed. I also noticed a plate of my grandmother’s cookies on a little table. I stared for a moment.30
“Oriel! Where is Oriel? I have to see her! Is she alright?”31
“Hush sweetie, sleep now”, my mother said soothingly, yet sorrowful.32
“I want to see her!” I cried as a doctor came into the room.33
In hushed voices, she and my father conversed, and he solemnly nodded. “Alright Laramie. You can go see her.”34
“Mark!” My mother said suddenly. “He’s in no position to walk around this place!”35
I started to protest when my father held a hand up. “Just let him go Anne.”36
I was staring outside of room number 576, an IV stand trailing behind me. My father stood with me.37
“Dad, I…want to do this alone” I said to him.38
“Of course son. I’ll be here.” He said, taking a seat in the hallway.39
I opened the door cautiously, afraid of what I would see.40
My baby was lying on cotton white sheets, bandaged and broken. The wound on her head was wrapped in huge layers of gauze. Her arm was hooked with numerous needles, and her swollen eyes were shut. A lump in my throat quivered as I looked at her and took her hand. I couldn’t control myself. I just broke down crying. My poor baby, my love, was lying their battered and broken and I couldn’t do anything.41
Her lips parted slightly and in barely a whisper she said “Laramie?”42
“Oriel? Baby it will be ok honey I promise it will”43
She just nodded and smiled, “Hold me for a little while”.44
“Oriel no matter what I want you to know that I love you and I always will. You are my everything. My thoughts, my dreams, my future. My beautiful girl…nothing can ever take you away from me.” I said taking her in my arms, rocking her gently.45
“Laramie?”46
“Yes Oriel?”47
“Sing our song for me”48
I gulped tears back. “Of course baby”. And I began to sing “Have I told you lately that I love you…have I told you there’s no one else above you…you fill my heart with gladness…take away all my sadness, ease my troubles, that’s what you do…”49
When I was done singing, I kissed her hand and pressed it to my cheek.50
“I love you…” I heard her whisper.51
I bent over her, and fluttered my lips against hers. And I swear, I could almost feel an angel slip out of her, in our last kiss that freed her from all pain. 52
Author notes
Based on the song "Last Kiss" by pearl Jam. No this is not a true story. In reality, I'm a 14 year old girl.
option 6
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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This was very well written. I liked the element of tragedy. This story was very sad and deeply emotional. Good luck in my contest! Thank you for entering!!!
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amazing
That was so breath taking. I loved it. I was takin back. you definently deserved to win this one. -
Wow girl, for 14 you're an amazing writer, can't wait to see what you come up with at 24. This was simply amazing honey, and as long as it was, I stayed interested through the whole thing. Very descriptive and the story was just magnificent. Excellent job honey, you deserved that trophy
Dena
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beautiful.
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That actually made me cry...
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I am quite thrilled by your comment. Your insight is important to me and I only wish that there were most honest commentors out there like yourself.
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great
This was well written for any age, I could care less what age you wrote this as long as I felt compelled to read it. I had no clue where the story was going if it was going to be a short story or a start of a longer novel, but I loved getting from beginning to end. I googled the song and it says it was performed by wayne Cochran. I have no clue who that is but I do know my father in this 50s used to listen to this while I was growing up so it is much older than Pearl Jam. I actually liked the original better, but I was glad Pearl Jam did a remake it deserved to be heard by a new generation. Great story. Fit the music very well. I am glad that I didn't know that until after reading the piece. It would have ruined the surprise -
Just Pre-Judging
...Wow..
Seriously, you have quite the knack at this one here. Not exactly a complete tear-jerker...but then I'm a rather tough nut to crack on such things. This was beautiful!
Now don't get angry or remove this from the contest just yet, but I have to do my "grading" and critiquing now.
PG-18...Yes...10/10
Opt. List...Yes...10/10
Grammaticks...Good...10/10
Comment Box...Yes...10/10
Missing Apples...Yes...10/10
Comprehension...Great...10/10
Proof of Rules...NO?...0/10
Story...Yes...10/10
Per...Good...17/20
TOTAL...87
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amazing
omg ive never been in tears while reading a story before...maybe its because im in a fragile mood. NOOO Oriel!!! That's so sad :'( -
I LOVE THAT SONG!! When i read this, before i read your authors note, i thought about that song, you described it so well! i was almost in tears,this is awesome!
Kayla -
that made me cry......so beautiful! its so sad she died i was like NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway, i love this so much! so romantic and sweet...good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gem~chan -
wow, this is wonderfully written...i like this story...it's depressing, but sweet and romantic...nice write...byez!
~Karinn -random person-
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dude this is so awsome!!!!! im not crying but i was reading a story that was loosley based off this so i decided i had to read it :-D and i am so glad i did this is just the type of mood im in this just...wow
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this is beautifully written, extremely sad. great, especially for a 14 year old. good write, thanks for entering and good luck!
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AAAWWWWWW! Oh goodness, this is so cute...and wow I think you made me cry! Such emotion and spirit in this story and it's so amazing that you were merely 14 when you wrote this. Great job, really. I loved this so much!
Cassie
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awww damn i am crying, that is so sad and cute
great story
*sniffle* *sniffle*
Danielle -
This was for sure a bad day for the speaker in the story. Nice writing, especially for 14, (and please I hope that isn't an offending comment)I'd have to stub my toe and get a sore tooth to have actually cried over this, but I guess I'm not the crying type on romance stories. good luck and thanks for entering this into the contest. It's good.
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this is so beautiful, it made me cry too. You have a splendid wonderful gift for vividly describing things, for making them real and dear to a reader after only a few lines. my heart broke for this couple, even if they arent real. I love this story much, thank you for writing it ^_^
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excellent!
AHHHH!!! I'VE CRIED ENOUGH THIS WEEK!! WHY DID I HAVE TO READ IT!!!........its so sad...a wonderful song its based off of though...i hope i'll never have to go through this with you m'love... or you with me...makes me remember how much you mean to me...and how devastated i would be if i ever lost you...i love you so much...great story.. made me cry...
i love you ayla!
~Jack~ (w/fangs!)
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This is awesome! It's so sad though!!
Is this a true story? It's so touching. It was very well written too, easy to follow with good word choice and overall very good.
Awesome story and God bless. -
What a beautiful write. I was just thinking at the beginning "No way, way too good to be true..." and it was. So sad! You write amazingly well, I love the ending...I don't know why, but your last paragraph reminds me of the last paragraph in one of the stories I wrote, called "Angela". (It's from the perspective of a guy even though I'm not a guy.)
-morgana
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Amazing
god i hate you!! i have been crying all day because me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday and you got me crying again. this poem really touched me. i will never forget this. this is absolutely amazing. -
Oh dont cry!!! No this didn't really happen to me, for one thing I'm not a boy But for another I'd hate for this to happen to anyone. I just had to write about it.
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Wonderful!
Omg, this brought tears to my eyes
SO beautiful and sad. I holding back the tears right now and the goosebumps are making me shiver. Did this actually happen or is this from you imagination???
What an imagination if that's it, and if not, I'm sorry for your loss
You captured it all so perfectly, wonderful. -
its a really good story, and i think its awesome you took the time write something as wonderful as this.
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this was just AWESOME...very well written, and very real and believable with the many details. It held my attention and I think I skidded out of my chair when the crash happened. GREAT JOB!!
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cool
hey! wow congratulations on being featured!!! I didn't know you could put stories on here as well. great job! i'd applaud you definitly but i am almost out of points right now! keep on writing...stories especially because stories rock the world -
aww. you made me cry.
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