Destroy'd

Hath my God forsaken this cursed land?
Fallen monoliths, strewn across cracked plains,
Consumed, reeking of under worldly grains
I stare, and pray this is not what He's planned
The stench of fell hell beasts haunts the air, fiends!
The Dark has come; the Light is stained with pains.
We, Man, have fouled our very own home with cranes.
When will the next dawn come to this land?

God’s blazing eye will rise, from east to west
It will be bane of all things black. –The break
Of dawn, will come, with nature’s rage and bliss
Time’s beauty feels, just like an angel’s warm breast.
It heals ev’ry scar, renews ev’ry fray. –The rake
That killed all well, will be destroyed, not missed.


Has God now turned his back on this wasteland?
The monoliths that once stood tall are gone
Crushed into rubble, strewn around, forlorn
I stare, and pray this is not what He's planned
The Dark has come; the Light is stained with sand.
We, Man, have fouled our one, only home with scorn.
The stench of fell beasts haunts the air. Hopes on-
The next dawn, will it come without a friend?

God’s blazing eye will rise, from east to west
It will be bane of all things black. –The break
Of dawn, will come, with nature’s furious joy
Time’s beauty feels, just like an angel’s warm breast.
It heals ev’ry scar, renews ev’ry fray. –The rake
That killed all well, will not missed, but destroy’d.

Author notes

A Petrarchan Sonnet.

Infamous Options: Option 3
Touchy Subjects: Option 13

A contest entry

Comment please!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Bitter Irony
    October 13, 2007

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    Nice use of a sonnet pair to send a message: it's something original and unexpected. You have an excellent command of the form--I find your near perfect use of iambic pentameter very impressive, especially since the - / pattern often becomes confusing or awkward.

    Word choice could be better in a few spots. I'm wondering mostly about the words "fiends" and "friends", neither of which fit into the rhyme scheme, either visually or audibly. As for the word "rake", you seem to be using some uncommon meaning in order for it to make sense where it is. Also, you seem to change who you are addressing in this poem: sometimes it sounds like God, other times, mankind, and still others, these "fiends." An advanced vocabulary is an excellent thing to have, but make sure your poetry is clearly written and not just an excuse to show off.

    Nice work: I can't wait to see how your poetry writing matures with time.

    ~Bitter Irony

    P.S: In modern English, the word "destroyed" would not need a comma to reduce the syllable count: it is assumed that the second e is unstressed. Only if you had placed an accent over the e would it be pronounced.


  • Asfand
    July 11, 2007

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    wow! i am wowed. this was fantastic. I really really liked it alot. It was so powerful and intense and really seemed to be darka dn creepy. Great job i must say!!


  • On.Cue
    July 7, 2007
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    This was really awesomely well written and for me to say that, being an athiest, is a pretty interesting thing =P

    Erm, yeah. This is a great poem and I'm glad that you broke away from the normal suicide/heartbreak type of subject =)

    Good job & thanks for entering my contest.


  • Midnightmare
    July 4, 2007

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    yes, a good wide range of vocab used in this... i love that. (if you read my page it states that my favourite book is the dictionary, so you're doing great so far, lol) i liked the use of imagery... oh it was very real and so true. this poem reminds me of something... i cant quite put my finger on it but... it just ... oh i dont know it's making me wonder. but i absolutely loved it... thanks for entering!!! but perhaps go back and read my rules again. lol


  • Springs gold member
    July 4, 2007

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    Intresting use of language- not the usual, eg. ev'ry scar, etc.
    ''monoliths'' I have no idea what one of those is xD
    I wasn't expecting a poem to be entered, but it was very good =]

    -what a short comment. I'm sorry-

1 - 5 of 5