Suicide Cliff was a teen hotspot, a wicked hangout, the place to go on a Saturday night. And although no one ever went twice, the line never seemed to shrink. You see, the act of taking one's own life was the latest fad to hit Sheldonbyville, much like "bling" and "popped collars" in previous years. In fact, this fad was more widely accepted (I mean come on, popped collars just look dumb ). It quickly ascended to the level of high school football, especially after the Sheldonbyville High football team jumped en masse. It was a beautiful display of team spirit. The school began to divert funding to build a viewing stadium at the bottom of the cliff, dedicated to the football team and selling those famous Sheldonbyville hot dogs (dollar apiece, get 'em while they're hot!). The church took up collections to build a Salvation Station at the top, where you could receive your last rites and obtain a signed permission slip from God (dollar apiece, get 'em while they're fresh!). The bums and beggars hid at the bottom of the cliff and looted the bodies after impact (free shoes, free pants, get 'em while they're warm!).
It used to be that the Sheldonbyville teens, when they were restless and needed something to do, would borrow the car and drive their girlfriends up to Makeout Cliff (on the other side of town) to try and get in their pants. The girls (prudes every one of them) invariably slapped them and walked home, leaving the guys with no one but each other to get to third base with. The day after was always rather awkward, the phone calls especially:
"Hey."
"Hi."
"What's, uh...what's up?"
"Um...nothing really, you know, this and that. How are you?"
"I'm good, yeah, listen, maybe you want to catch a movie sometime?"
"Um...I don't..."
"I'm sorry, I just thought...I'm sorry."
*click*
Needless to say, the male population breathed a collective sigh of relief when Suicide Cliff replaced Makeout Cliff.
Jolby Johnson was generally regarded as the founder of Suicide Cliff. At least, he was the first one they found at the bottom. After the initial condemnation and criticism that accompanies all social change, he was declared a martyr and a town hero. They changed his middle name to Jesus, dug up his body, and paraded it through the streets, where children scrabbled for the candy being thrown. Jolby Jesus Johnson was the first dead man to be elected mayor in the history of Sheldonbyville (beating both blacks and women to the office), and the first mayor to require a secretary with a Ouija board. Under his governing the town prospered, and suicide soon became their chief export.
One morning, as Mayor Jolby was being re-embalmed, one of his aides rushed in, wild-eyed and out of breath, to report that disaster had struck. Suicide Cliff, which had always been such a reliable location for self-termination, was no longer delivering death to its eager customers. For nearly a year, the bodies had piled higher and higher (those who would normally dispose of them had long since added themselves to the stack, and the town had decided a human compost pile would probably be good for the environment [they didn’t fear death, but they feared Al Gore]) and now the corpse-heap was level with the cliff itself. The most recent jumpers had jumped a short jump, and then bounced harmlessly down the mountain of flesh and bones (except for the boy who sprained his ankle, he was undergoing treatment and doctors guaranteed he’d be fit to jump again in a week or two) to a soft landing. Many were threatening to sue.
Jolby listened to all of this without a word (as dead people usually do). The aide stopped to catch his breath and waited for the mayor to say something. He waited for half an hour, and would probably have waited a very long time if a beer bottle hadn’t crashed through the window and struck him at that instant. He dashed to the window and gasped, clutching the sill hard enough to leave a mold of his fingerprints that would later be used to frame him in a number of serious crimes, like Britney Spears’ fashion sense. Outside, an angry mob of thwarted suicides was storming the mayor’s villa. Already, he could see them wheeling a catapult out of the nearby Wal-Mart (“Is there anything they don’t sell?” he wondered). This called for quick thinking. He ran back to the mayor.
Fortunately he was saved from further waiting by two Mexican women, the embalmers, who were back to apply the second layer. Alarmed by his presence, they nearly fled (unsure what embalming meant, they’d just been coating Mayor Johnson in mayonnaise and sour cream), but the aide quickly cut off their escape. “We must protect the mayor!” he yelled. They stared at him blankly. “Weapons! We need weapons!” They continued to stare. “Guns! Knives! Werewolves! Lasers!” He mimed pulling a trigger and suddenly their faces brightened and they nodded enthusiastically. As they hurried away, the aide ran back to the window. The rioters were scaling the walls, getting closer every minute. He grabbed a stack of zoning regulations and began pelting the townspeople. He prayed the god of papercuts was with him.
Minutes later, the women returned with their arms full. The aide dashed over and from them he grabbed-- several bottles of Windex. The women smiled and mimed pulling a trigger. The aide sighed. He hurried back to the window and sprayed Windex down at the protestors. He hoped it would blind a couple of them. One of the Mexican women tugged at his sleeve; she was shaking her head. She guided his arm over to the windowpane and pulled the trigger for him. She mimed scrubbing the window and smiled encouragingly. The aide decided that when this was over, he was going to become a racist.
Suddenly, there was a piercing, falsetto scream (that sounded vaguely like “FAAAABULOUS!”) and Richard Simmons crashed through the window, crushing the Mexican woman. The aide felt better. Outside, he could see the townspeople loading Elton John into the catapult. They clearly knew about the mayor’s homophobia. The situation was getting out of hand. Richard Simmons was busily humping the Mexican woman (he had yet to figure out that she wasn’t a man), so the aide quickly took the opportunity to beat him to death with a Windex bottle. He lifted the body over his shoulders and heaved it out the window, dislodging several wall-climbers. “Gracias, senor, gracias,” said the Mexican woman, tears of gratitude in her eyes. The aide picked her up and threw her out the window too.
He was thinking of how to dispose of the other woman, when he heard her shout. He found her holding a Green Card (obviously stolen) to Mayor Jolby’s throat and babbling something about “immigration policies” and “piñatas”. She looked desperate. The aide knew he would have to act quickly to save the Mayor’s life (such as it was). A brilliant thought occurred to him. We’ll never know what it was though, because at that moment, Elton John missed the window. Though his body was pancaked against the wall, his head had been above the sill, and the violent whiplash sent his enormous purple sunglasses hurtling into the room. The aide watched the sunglasses fly across the office in slow motion, right towards the Mexican woman. She ducked (they were flying in slow motion, so she had time), and the aide took the chance to blind her with Windex. He grabbed Mayor Jolby and hugged him with relief.
They were trapped, and time was running out. There was only one thing left to do. The aide carried Mayor Jolby to the window and looked down at the angry mob. They’d asked for this. He hoped they all died of guilty consciences. Cradling the mayor in his arms, he stroked his stiff dead hair, and jumped. The crowd froze in silence as the two plummeted to the ground. There was a resounding SPLAT! The townspeople came to their senses and gathered at the site of the impact. Cautiously, a doctor stepped forward and took their pulses. He soberly announced that they were both dead. Everyone was silent for a moment...and then it dawned on them. There was a sudden race for the door to the villa (why they hadn’t used this before, I do not know). The townspeople trampled each other in the mad rush up the stairs and into the Mayor’s office, where they proceeded to hurl themselves out the window to their deaths below.
And everyone died happily ever after.
Author notes
This is not advocating suicide in any way. When your friends offer you suicide, just say "no".
Suicide is bad
It can ruin your whole life
(Unless I hate you)
A contest entry
- Bored.... by Shiny.
175 points, ended July 17, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by SpunkyPunky.
225 points, ended July 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Publishable Prose? by Bitter Irony.
335 points, ended August 7, 2007, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options (Changed) by Phantasmix.
100 points, ended August 9, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me a Story by Stegofreak.
445 points, ended September 2, 2007, 65 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - don't you love this type of contest? by ohemeegeeay.
475 points, ended August 13, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - LETS LAUGH! (Put your sense of humor on display) by erectmeonit.
145 points, ended August 13, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SW Oscars - Best Humor Story - Invite Only! by Asfand.
125 points, ended September 10, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something Special.... by Greeneyes15.
275 points, ended September 15, 2007, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hahaha P. N. S. by elfflower1989.
300 points, ended September 12, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For all those Taboo or Original stories out there. by The Wall.
500 points, ended September 30, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Goods by Maui Jane.
225 points, ended September 23, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hmm... by darkpaintedreams.
350 points, ended October 11, 2007, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Most Depressing One... by EmotionalxChick.
281 points, ended September 17, 2009, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Story!!! by lesbian-in-love.
250 points, ended October 8, 2009, 44 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! ENTER! by MelissaluvzSheila.
325 points, ended October 15, 2009, 91 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - NO RULES!!!!!!!!! (almost) by musical tai.
360 points, ended October 15, 2009, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Everything & Anything by Lost Soul 12.
450 points, ended November 2, 2009, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I like... by ForgiveAndRemember.
100 points, ended February 10, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please vote for Mayor Jolby Jesus Johnson
Comments
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I'm sorry but I really didn't find that funny. Having a suicide cliff doesnt amuse me..
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great story
LOL very funny
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:o
Disqualified! I can see why with that writing... Disqualification is a good idea. -
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And what's that supposed to mean?
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Due to you already wining over 10 contests, I am going to give others the chance to have a win at this contest.
Thankyou for entering, but i'm sorry. You will be immediatly DQ'd.
~Lyss -
Thanks for entering my contest! This looks like a funny/un-funny story.
Para. 1: Seems a little strange, especially the whole stadium under the cliff. But its pretty funny! Oh my gosh! The church thing is freaking hilarious!! Ha, ha, ha! I especially like the part about the bums/beggars. I would suggest making that two or three paragraphs instead of one.
Para. 2: You make the girls sound like the bad girls!! You'll have to change that!
Just teasing!
Para. 3: Loved it! Its reallly hard to make me laugh, but you did! Great job!
Para. 4: The Al Gore thing was great! Ah! This is hilarious! The whole thing with the soft dead bodies thing was hilarious! I love this story! I can't rave enough!
Para. 5: Britney Spears thing was brilliant! What a wonderful, humorous author you are! Wal-Mart thing was funny too!
Para. 6: The Mexican women were funny! Couldn't understand English! Lolz!
Para. 7: LMAO!! Oh my gosh! Windex! LMAO! -
=)
I really liked it and thought it was funny! Keep up the good work! You've got talent... -
Wow! I really won't lie, that was hilarious! You had me laughing the whole way through.
It's not easy to write something humorous without being stupid or not funny at all, but you managed perfectly.
Keep writing, this is brilliant
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I loved this! Me and my friend (beside me) were laughing our heads off!
I would like to congratulate you on wining:
4 Gold Trophys
1 Silver Trophy
& 4 honourable mentions! WOW! XD
Just random that was XPPP.
Anyways,
Again,
Congrats & Keep writing!
~Dann
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Oh my God!! That was amazing!! lol. I laughed the whole time I read it. Wow. That was so funny!!! LMAO. You know what. My friend just killed himself. How nice.
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Um...I'm glad/I'm sorry?
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omg, on this site you ARE the leader of the humorous stories. I bow to Brent the king of laughter
Schnitzel
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Mi felicidad es gran. La muerte es pasttime predilecta en México. El día del muerto es tiempo de alegría y el suicidio es alabado. Las personas emocionales que cortan son santos. Propague la noticia. Arrepentido yo sólo puedo leer inglés y no hablar.
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Muy comico!
I am laughing of the out loud at story of cliff. Is cliff like to this in my village where cows suicide. Many say bad omen. I say, free milk! And cheeseburger.
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Very well written. Very enjoyable too read. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!
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Haha, this is epic. Jesus has my vote after this.
Five stars, and eight severed thumbs waaayyyyy up!
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Suicide is funny
I love casual stories. This is one of the best I've read. Tell the truth, there aren' many of these complete whimsical stories around.
beginning: 5, ending: 4.
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That was really wierd in a sense but suprised me since I thought it was good. I liked the part about Elton John. That was good. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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Nice write. I liked this. It was funny, humorous. I loved every moment of it. I wish you the best of luck.
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It was so crazy it was amazing. It was funny, humorous and the cameos were well placed. I found it was deserving of the trophies and awards that it has won!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Wow. This was amazing. I love absurdity, and you do it well!!
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This was one of the most interesting, refreshing pieces I've read in a very long time. The premise itself was fabulous, and it only got funnier as it went on. Very clever and a lot of fun - great job!
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Lol! This piece was incredibly funny! You have a beautiful sense of humor that I really enjoyed!
No errors stood out to me, which is very good.
You deserved all the trophies this recieved! I loved the part where the Make-out Cliff was changed to Suicide Cliff! Good job!
BestWishes,
dancer. -
happy fail
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Haha lol seriously I would rather read this than jump off a cliff. I was a little depressed befor his so it was done very good. I don’t mean like SUICIDE depressed I just mean that I am tired and stressed-depressed. Good work.
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LMAOOOO!!!! omfg lol this was so funny i was cracking up like an idiot.I liked "Please vote for Mayor Jolby Jesus Johnson" too.Lol,especially considering he's dead.Walmart....Is there anything they don't sell there? some things are better left unsaid.
Very funny peice,though! -
funny! I think the happy suns helped to influence the absurdity of this piece.
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This was certainly interesting. When I started to read it I thought it would be another really stupid story, but against my will I began to chuckle. Damn you.
(Really, very creative, good job ) -
Truly hilarious
You sick bastard, I love it. This is the darkest, funniest piece of writing I've read in a long time. Makes me want to return to satire. Really well done!
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This was very cute and entertaining. I don't think I've read anything quite this ridiculous in a while. At least not on here. LOL. Thanks for the much needed laugh. I think you have done wonderful on writing it with a light feeling and the plot and imagery seems well thought out. Loved it.
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I read this before but I must've forgot to comment on it. Oops...anyways, I liked it, very funny and entertaining....and different. It was original, I would've never came up with a story about suicide and being so light about it. That's what I think is so good about it though. Well, thanks for entering my contest and good luck. Great job.
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This is truly bizarre. You've got a great imagination - and you're not afraid to use it
Great Job! -
Oh my god. This has got to be one of the funniest things I've read on storywrite. I love it! Every last dry, sarcastic remark! GREAT job, and good luck in the contest.
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I don't think anyone has a chance in hell of winning this contest-- but you!
Some notes:
trigger and suddenly their faces brightened and they nodded enthusiastically. <--try not to end a sentence in an "ly" adjective/ say: they enthusiastically nodded.
“immigration policies” and “piñatas”. <--period (and commas) are place inside the qoutation marks ...
right towards the Mexican woman. <--toward, (no "s") as towards is usually, 99.9% of the time unable to be pluralized. (think about it)
This is not advocating suicide in any way. When your friends offer you suicide, just say "no". <--period is placed inside the qoutation marks ...
beginning: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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haha, I had fun picturing all of this happen, very cute, well as cute as a story about suicide could be.
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Lol I've read this before, on my brithday ^^ I still like it though ^^
Good luck in the contes -
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Oh right, er, maybe it was a birthday present? *Shiftyeyes* *hopes that will help me in the contest*
If you want, I'll enter something else.
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Hey, this was really something.Very funny indeed!!!!A dead guy is elected mayor.This is really funny.Excellent!!!!!!!
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Chelserpooh
Very interesting. i liked it. return the love with a comment. -
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I wouldn't call a generic comment like that "love". I can't even tell if you read it.
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Lots of Laughs!!!
I've always loved this story. i think it's neatly, well written and very enjoyable. it's a light-hearted story about something so sad and serious. i really really like this story and think that your a fabulous storyteller. great job. thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck! keep up the great writing.
peace&love,
greeneyes -
My Verdict
Oh my gosh! This. Story. Was. So. FUNNY!!! *leans back and starts laughing like a maniac* Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! *2 hours later* Okay, I'm done now. Sorry, I just had to do that. Anyway, I think people who want to commit suicide are stupid, but the story was hillarious. And the border with bright, happy shiny golden smiley faces went very well with it. Keep writing! May you crack up everyone in the entire world! Or everyone who goes on Storywrite, at least. Heh.
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You just made me laugh SO hard, tears LITERALLY formed in my eyes and my brother came running in here thinking I'd gone mad.
Does that say enough for you? I think I've said far more than, "Fantastic! Amazing! Terrific! Fascinating!" [Which it is, by the way.]
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I love the little author's comentary you put in every once in a while (especially the Wal-Mart one) and how the aide was framed for Britney Spears' fasion sense. Yes, this story is bizzare, but you made me laugh. Good luck in the contest(s)!
*Frozen Angel* -
This is easily the most bizarre thing I've ever read. Except, perhaps, for Olives of Wrath.
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woooooooooooooow
(free shoes, free pants, get 'em while they're warm!).
this made me laugh soo much!(its not that funny..but im easily amused)
i like howyou just introduced the main character straight away instead of twiddling around. -
DARK , HUMOR...Great creation! Man! You should have held up the contest , and I should have been the one entering . And you're a better comedian than....ME *cries* . Maybe you'll take the gold if you don't find a strong competitor . All the best! (Well , do you really need it? Haha!)
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Jesus! That was the funniest story I have ever read, my nose sides hurt. Another great comedy from Brent.
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How did I know this was Brent? Anyway. This was good. Insane, as always. But good. Never run for president.
Actually, maybe you should. You'd do a better job than any Bush.
I refuse to give you a serious comment. Thanks for entering, good luck! -
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Then I refuse to give you a serious reply. Or was that one? Dang.
May arthritic wallabies forever feast on your soul.
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I think I just peed my pants a little This is beyond amazing. When I started reading I was really down, but now I'm grinning like a blooming idiot. good job. ^_^
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faaabulous!!
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awesome stuff!
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I have to say, I loved this story. You took something so tragic and made it amazingly funny without degrading the topic in any way.
I found the piece to be written very well on top of that and I've got to say it made me laugh pretty hard.
Well written. -
Wow. You are amazingly funny. I don't understand how you can keep coming up with all of this... funniness. You never seize to amaze me though. This was extremely hilarious. Maybe it's just because I haven't slept in 18 hours, but I'm pretty sure it was the content of this. I love your writing. I would offer it's hand in marriage, but I'm assuming it doesn't have hands, and I'm a girl- I don't propose.
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Hahahaha, I was in a low mood and a friend recomended reading this, and guess what? now i am in a good mood ^.^ This is really good, and I laughed like...all the way through. Very nice job here ^.^
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oh god!
I'm not sure what i just read. I'm also not sure I should be laughing so hard. This was great. Really random and thats what made it so great. I would love to know what impulsed you to write this...and I hope you become so impulsed and write more like this.
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Oh, dear. You've put me in a hard spot. :-)
On one hand, this story is hilariously funny. Your authorial tone is great (with the exception of all the parentheticals--try and fit those in with the rest of the paragraph, otherwise is looks kind of sloppy), and the references to events both current and future were excellent.
On the other hand, I can't imagine a single literary magazine, not even a humor centered one, that might publish this. As soon as I've posted my review, I'm going to google search "dark humor magazine" and see if anything comes up. Please do the same, and message me if you find anything that might possibly accept work of this sort.
So, yes, my "publishable/not publishable" verdict is a complete toss-up. All I know is this gave me a case of the giggles I may never fully recover from. Very enjoyable. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
Edit: Okay, I did find one dark humor magazine, "The American Jerk", but it seems to have been inactive for the past seven years. Please let me know if you have any more luck. Otherwise, feel free to enter another story with a more publishable plot line--I absolutely love your style.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Fantastic. I laughed so hard! You're a humurous writer.
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brilliant!
Dude that is awesome!! Very well done. I love the ideas and the way you write. Bravo!
Trill
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the charactors didn't feel real, like i knew them sort of thing but it was pretty funny
beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
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no comment yet!!
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I'm sorry if other people find this thing funny, and I'm sorry if my words offend you but you're story offended me. Yes, it was stupid and parts of it were funny in a stupid way...but I know several people, really good friends that have opted death over life. I myself have even though about suicide. And the fact that other people find this funny is appauling. The thought of people applauding this story shocks me. It was a well written story but you really need to find humor from a different topic...not death. Some of us actually know what it's like to go through death several times with no warning and it's not in any way funny.
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You don't have to like the story, but you're not the only one who's had to deal with death. I know what it's like to lose someone to suicide. A friend of mine took his own life just a few months ago. This story isn't encouraging suicide or saying that actual suicide is funny. If anything, it's a critique of it, something to make people think twice before foolishly throwing their lives away. I'm sorry if you didn't find it funny, but I think you took it too personally.
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if anything i didn't take it personally enough...my twin sister killed herself yesterday....simply because she didn't fit into any other fad that is currently in our town...
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At the risk of being wrong, I don't really buy that.
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Wait so suicide is actually a fad somewhere? Thats so retarded. His story was about it being a fad cause it's the most ridiculous that could never be a fad(or so we all thought).
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Oh, my God. That was... I don't know what that was.
Oh, my God.
HILARIOUS!
Funny AND well written, it flowed nicely and made me spit Coke out my nose.
Oh, my GOD.
I personally hate stories about suicide. What you said in the beginning, even though it was for parody purposes, was true. It's becoming a Fad to do it, and people are starting to write just really ridiculous stories about it, like it's cool or something. Suicide is a serious issue, and I hate to say this, but the stories people are writing these days just mock it.
So, for that purpose, I say 'thank you' for making a story about suicide that did not make me want to be violently ill.
It was actually really, really good. -
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I'm sorry, but the fine print states that I'm not required to reimburse you for any and all nasal-Coke-expulsion caused by the reading of this story.
P.S. Glad you liked it
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YAY!!!
WOW I now have a sudden urge to jump of a cliff and/or villa to my death. JK!!! (unless of course it becomes a fad in my town)
I love the little smily face sun border, It fits the story magically. ^-^
It was verry funny and I loved when everyone prononced the dead guy dead.
Also the stuff about Elton john and the mexican woman.
*starts spraying windex on people* MUAHAHAHA
ok bye bye!!!
~Tasha~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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HILARIOUS
This ... was soooooooooooo funny ... it was gr8 ... I loved it ... you really put yourself into this one ... it's absolutely amazing ... and you should feel luckeh too I only comment on one story a day ... and I seen this title ... and it drew me in ... but honest to god ... I did not lose interest for not one second ... VERY FUNNY ... and VERY WELL PENNED!!!!!
Much Luv
Sparkehbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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hehehe *snort* That was very funny. I wasn;t expecting something like that, but I love twists as well. Thanks for the entry, i needed a good laugh.
Hope to read more from you in the future and damn, you have a lot of comments. XD
Love Shiny -
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Well that's thanks to my wonderful amazing girlfriend for featuring it
<---That's her in the picture.
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This was humor in the first degree. I have high expectations when it comes to funny pieces, and you didn't disappoint. The highly sarcastic amd dry wit is fantastic, and the calmness you bring to such a dramatic concept (suicide) really does the trick.
'the male population breathed a collective sigh of relief when Suicide Cliff replaced Makeout Cliff.'
That was great, really captures the awkwardness of the teens (and especially how awkward it is after a failed attempt to get in their pants)
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It quickly ascended to the level of high school football, especially after the Sheldonbyville High football team jumped en masse. It was a beautiful display of team spirit.
I think this was my favorite part...
Under his governing the town prospered, and suicide soon became their chief export.
[they didn’t fear death, but they feared Al Gore]
HAHAHA!! I burst out laughing at this one.
He dashed to the window and gasped, clutching the sill hard enough to leave a mold of his fingerprints that would later be used to frame him in a number of serious crimes, like Britney Spears’ fashion sense.
It IS a crime...
The aide decided that when this was over, he was going to become a racist.
"Mommy, I wanna be a racist when I grow up."
"Wonderful, sweetie."
"What's up, honey?"
"Oh, our son is going to clean out illegal immigrataion once and for all."
OMG this was absolutely hilarious. Where on earth did you get such a great idea?!?!
It's like the weird rats in South America that just run off cliffs...
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lmfao! Haha zombie homophobia! And he beat Richard Simons to death with a windex bottle
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This was HILARIOUS! Not a usual comedy, which makes it great! It was a wonderful story and a really magnetic title. Good luck with the contest!
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Haha! That was cool. I liked this story. It's..different from all the other stories. I was attracted to it because of the name.. And the idea it implicated. Neat idea! Good luck.
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It was different
I mean that in a good way. I like the ideas, they be a bit weird, but they worked well in this story.
Good job.
Sarahhitch
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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It quickly ascended to the level of high school football.... should be a new paragraph
The church took up .... new paragraph
you need to separate the dialogue from the rest of the descriptives.
You have got to be the least sane person I have ever met. I can say with full honesty that murder, mobs and suicide has NEVER been so hilariously funny to read. (I still think they should have shipped the bodies off the jersey shore though.
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Amusing
Well, does Jonathan Swift and Voltaire live? Basically I love the idea...just thought it got a little silly at times...and was a bit long. Even though the end seemed a little rushed and abrupt. Otherwise, your black satire was as dark as you get...and with some trimming and re-reading I think you are off to a good start. Watch the parenthetical remarks and first person inclusions. It took away from the overall "voice" and point of view.
GA
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Oh my god, that was hilarious, and if mr. jolby ran for mayor in my town he'd totally get my vote.
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HAHA!
that was excellent! i mean, weird, whacked out, warped and morbid - but absolutely fucking hilarious. the language was very well written and flowed easily, each character was so sincerely serious and dedicated. i dont know how you came up with this, but its original, engauging and i could not stop laughing! good luck in the contest! jolby jesus has my vote!
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oh my
it was so funny
i loved it
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I vote for the mayor, HA! Holy crap, this was hilarious, just everything about it...except for the part of Jesus's name (I was offended by that) But other than that, this was really good!
*remembers to say "NO" to suicide*
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Sorry if it offended you. It was just the townspeople's way of honoring him. You know, there are people (usually Mexicans) who name their children Jesus.
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Oh yeah, and the part with Simmons and Elton John- that was probably my favorite part
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That was hilarious. When it started to get too rediculous (i.e., when Elton John and Richard Simmons showed up) it just became absurdist comedy. Which was still hillarious. It was just overall great.
Just a few things I typed down as I read:
I love the phrase "The girls (prdes every one of them)". It makes it sound like you have a personal vendetta with them. Which was good, and added a new comedic layer just to that sentence.
The parentheses get overwhelming at some spots. I wouldn't take any of them out, they're amazing, but if this ever makes it to print, then I'd recommend footnotes for some of the longer ones. -
Good writing just not my thing
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Omg this was good as soooo funny and such a light way to put suicide...you should be good to jump ina week or so to a soft landing.
Loved it all.
Lady Madeline.
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oh, i forgot to give you aplause!!
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lol this is sooo funny. buy why would comitting suicide become a fad? oh, w/e it was hilarious anyways. laughed pretty much the whole way through!
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This sick and twisted story kept a huge smile spread across my face. It was simply hilarious and I seriously laughed out aloud the whole time! My tummy hearts now, in a good way! The part that I laughed the loudest at was where they dug up the mayor and changed his middle name to Jesus! LMAO! Then again, I laughed throughout the whole thing… Anyways, thanks for the great read, I enjoyed every moment of it!
♥NewGuy90
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Lol, this is hilarious. I loved it ^^ (But geezums, the people in the library are looking at me like I'm nuts)
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This is just fucking amazing...end sentence.
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That was very good =) I agree the only thing I kind of had a problem with is the parentheses other than that I enjoyed reading it. It made me laugh and I wasn't expecting that
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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This is hilarious! It may be rather sick and twisted, but it's a creative idea. The only thing that bugged me throughout was how many parentheses you used... other than that, it was seriously the best!
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I happen to like parentheses.
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"is there anything they [walmart] don't sell?" this was asked in class and because I had an answer, I told everyone "Prostitutes" I got a collective laugh and HEY, it IS true!
I love the phone call! hahahhaha sorry, I am not homophobic in any way but it's funny that straight men would get that desperate to ask their male friends.. 3rd base, lmao!!!! hahahhaaha!
WIll Simmons! Dad you taught me who he is - whose line is it anyway! hahahahaha! And the mexican woman part was funny (then again, which ISN'T funny??? )
You really reign as king of comedy, dad I love your works ^_^ this brought about fits of giggles and roars of laughter thank YOU
P.S. Britney's fashion sense lmao, dad, how come you know about this???? hahahahhaha!!!
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