There was a loud cackle in the air. The girl gasped. Two of those things were now behind her. She cursed under her breath and then resumed her escape. She looked behind her and saw those things fighting each other to chase her. She took another turn and hid behind an old broken dumpster. There were no streetlights in the streets; they had been broken for years now. The only light source now was the moonlight shining brightly that night. 2
Deera could see another group of those things join in the fight. She sighed for relief and thought ‘Those vampires can keep fighting.’ She grinned at the thought of it. She turned away and went to her hide out.3
The world had changed a lot since the beginning of time. But the world only changed for the worst - the complete opposite of what people had hoped for. The first vampire had done permanent damage to it. Even after he was destroyed by his own kind, his legacy carried on and now millennia after he was born, mortals were now extinct. The only one left was Deera. All of them had either died fighting the vampires or had turned into those monsters that roamed around when the sun slept and hunted for fresh blood.4
Deera had lost her family in the struggle against the vampires along with all the others. She survived by hiding for a long time but she knew a time would come when the vampires would outwit her and she would either join them or die. They were all waiting for her to slip. Her blood was too precious for the night crawlers, for they had been craving for her blood for more than too long. The Leader, Blood, was the one who wanted her blood more than any of the vampires. He was willing to kill his own kind – and he did – to get to it. And so Deera had to run and hide to survive.5
Long before humans were hunted down like animals the vampires were in battle with the werewolves and they wiped them off the face of Gaia. And it was that unfortunate or fortunate day when they hunted down half the population of humans for their grand feast to celebrate their victory against their foes. After that, their greed had taken over and they hunted mortal humans down every night. But mortal humans fought back only to find out they were of no match to the undead monsters. Every night the population of the foul creatures escalated and the mortals’ emaciated and then finally overpowered.6
As Deera slowed into a quick paced walk, she suddenly began to feel her instincts tingling. She felt like someone was behind her, following her. She turned around and knew her instincts were right. There was someone standing a few yards behind her. She gasped; it was one of the vampires. “So you are the last human,” he hissed coldly. He looked like a pale ten year old boy. His eyes were empty, without purpose. His fringe hair, brushed to the side, covered half of his face, revealing only one eye. "How have you been able to live your cursed life for a long time?"7
Deera ignored him and began to run. “Not so fast, Blood has trusted me to bring you to him,” the vampire said as he leapt in front of her, blocking her way.8
“You can tell him to buzz off! I’m not coming,” Deera said as she pushed the vampire’s shoulders.9
The vampire did not budge. “Now, now, you do not want to make Blood mad do you?” the vampire hissed calmly. “It’s not nice to make Master mad.”10
“It’s not nice to make me mad either,” Deera retorted.11
“Come, come. Is that the way to treat your elders?”12
“You are not my elder!” Deera punched the vampire’s face. She reached for her pockets hoping with all her heart and praying to the Great Creator to find a stake but there was none.13
The vampire stopped moving for a second. He regained his posture and then said, “I do not want to hurt you. Please, come with me without the need of a struggle.”14
“Yeah? The other freaks like you don’t want to hurt me either,” Deera retorted. “I know what you want and you won’t get it.”15
“Blood wants your blood and that’s it, and I will do as he bids.” The obedient vampire grabbed her arm. “You will come with me.”16
Deera tried to pull her arm from his painful grip. “I’m not coming.” For a ten year old looking boy, his strength matched that of a grown man. 17
“You have no choice. It is your destiny to give your blood to our Leader.”18
"Since when did you write my destiny?"19
The vampire began to drag the girl to the lair. On the way to the Leader’s lair, Deera saw other vampires extending their hands to grab her when they saw her. She pulled her arm away from them. She cringed and flinched at the sight of these vile and filthy creatures. They glared at her hungrily. She cringed, scrunched her nose with disgust, as she saw one of them behead a tiny bird and pour its blood into his mouth. Then a female vampire eyed her with the greatest hunger Deera had seen in any other vampires’ eyes. The vampire begged meekly, “Please. Please, give her blood to me.” She looked as if she was as old as Deera. When she saw Deera’s captor ignoring her, she clambered onto Deera, pinning her to the ground. Deera screamed as she tried to push vampire’s face from coming near her throat. As the vampire’s teeth came near to Deera’s throat, her captor slapped the thirsty vampire and sent her flying. “How dare you disregard Blood’s orders? He is the one who will have her blood.”20
He grabbed hold of Deera as she tried to crawl her way out of the horrible place. “Let go!”21
“Only when we reach Blood,” the vampire said.22
“Bid, how can you keep listening to Blood? This is your chance to have blood! Don’t you think you have been starving for human blood for a long time? Don’t you ever get tired of listening to Blood?” Deera’s attacker hissed.23
Bid grunted, “Fair Anya, I am not a traitor if that is what you are trying to infer. Blood is our leader and he will have her blood as he demanded. After that he will deal with you. It's a shame that the one he favours the most is the one who would disregard him.” He then resumed to taking his captive to his Master. Deera tried to make it difficult for him. “Do not struggle Deera, the Master does not like to wait.”24
“I’d rather he wait.”25
“Just a couple more steps,” Bid said. He pulled her up the steps. He opened a pair of huge doors and entered a huge room. It was brightly lit with chandeliers hanging high from the ceiling. There was a large dining table in the room, and on the far end sat him: the Leader, the Master, Blood.26
He stood up. He was tall and handsome but the pale skin did not make him very appealing. He looked like he was also as old as Deera, a seventeen year old. He had a smile on his pale face. He had a wine glass in his hand half filled with blood coloured wine. He put it on the table and walked gracefully towards Deera. “Good work Bid, you have done well this time,” he said.27
Bid threw Deera at Blood’s feet and bowed, “Thank you Master.” He grinned at Deera.28
Deera gasped with fear. She crawled backwards trying to get away from Blood.29
“Ah yes, the last mortal human,” Blood said. He brushed his long hair back. “You’ve given us quite a run and I’ve been craving for your blood for a long time now.”30
“Crave for it a little longer! You’re not getting any closer to this,” Deera said as she got back onto her feet and took a step backwards.31
“Why do you struggle? There are no more of your kin left. You will be lonely for the rest of your miserable life, till your death,” he mocked.32
“I’d rather die while I’m lonely then bleed to death for you,” Deera retorted again.33
“So close, I can almost smell your blood,” Blood crooned like a hungry man who had just had a whiff of a great feast’s aroma.34
Deera took another step backwards. “You can keep smelling. You’re not getting my blood. Ever!”35
“Come on Deera, why do you keep trying to run away from your destiny? You were meant to give me your blood and join us,” Blood extended his arm towards Deera who slapped it aside. “Is there a point for you to remain lonely? I promise to take good care of you.”36
Deera stayed silent this time. She bit her lip and ran towards the huge doors. Bid stepped forward to block her way. “Stay here for a while, you might like it here,” he said.37
Blood motioned him to leave the room. Bid nodded and left as he closed the doors. Deera ran after him. She tried to open the doors but it would not move even a millimetre. “What’s wrong?” Blood mocked. “Oh yes, the door is too heavy for you to open it.” He let out an evil laugh which echoed loudly in the room. Deera could see the chandeliers shaking dangerously.38
Blood swiftly moved in front of her and grabbed her arm with his cold hands that sent chills down his captive’s spine. “The warmth of your body, the feeling of your blood flow, it plays with my mind, tantalizing. I must have your blood now,” he said greedily.39
“Let go, you’re hurting me,” Deera cried as she slapped the Leader of the vampires.40
“Fear nothing dear Deera, you are going to give me the blood I need and join us,” Blood said as he opened his mouth, baring his teeth. He bit her wrist, puncturing her skin with the pearly white and sharp dentures. Deera cringed in pain and fear. She could not allow herself to die in Blood’s hand or become one of the creatures she dreaded the most. She tried pulling her arm away, but the vampire had a tight grip on it.41
Blood finally let go of her hand. Deera looked in horror at his face. There was blood coating his teeth and it was smeared all over his lips. He smiled mockingly at her. “That felt good, like drinking an old bottle of wine aged for a long time in a dark cellar for a special occasion and this was the grand occasion,” he said as he licked off the blood from his lips lustfully.42
Deera looked at her wrist. She felt her heart weaken and she fell on the floor. Blood smiled with great satisfaction. The craving for human blood for a long time was over – but only for now. He finally had a taste of human blood and he was enjoying it. He closed his eyes and thought of the taste.43
Deera sat up on her knees. “So, now I’m one of you?” she said slowly. Blood, immersed in his thoughts of his dinner, paid no heed to whatever she was saying. A glint of light caught the girl’s eyes. She looked at it; a carving knife on the long dining table. She crawled towards it and grasped the cold hilt of the knife. “I will not join you,” she said.44
Blood realized she was holding a knife. She had the knife pointed towards her heart. Her free hand was reaching to push it through her skin. “You will do no such thing!” he shouted. He flew towards her and grasped her arm. “If you die, your blood will not taste the same.”45
“Let go! I will not join the vampires!” Deera struggled to plunge the knife into her heart.46
Blood held her knife held arm tightly and brushed her long hair away from her neck with his free hand and dug his teeth into it. Deera screamed in pain. Her mind raced with a question: how? How could she still be human?47
A few horrible seconds later, the knife fell from her hand and clattered onto the stone floor. Blood let go of the drained Deera. She was unconscious. “You fool,” Blood spat. “You think I would turn you into a vampire too soon. I saved your blood for later. It was just too good for just one day.”48
The Leader cursed under his breath and then clapped his hand. The lights went out and he left the room. He made his way to his chamber where Bid was cleaning up. “What’s wrong with these mortals?” he asked loudly.49
“Is there something wrong Master?” Bid asked as soon as he noticed his Master’s frustration.50
“I left some blood in her and the fool had to pull a stunt,” Blood spat.51
“She tried to kill herself like her father, didn’t she?” Bid speculated.52
Blood nodded. “I had to drain her. Now what will we do?”53
Bid stayed silent for a while. He was in deep thought. “What are you thinking about?” Blood asked.54
“Nothing Master. It is sad we have run out of the mortals now,” he replied.55
“No worries, we have substitutes. At least now we rule the world,” Blood said as he massaged his forehead with his left hand.56
“Yes, yes, you do rule the world now,” he said.57
“That’s enough cleaning up. You can leave now. And send a group off to hunt for some birds.”58
Bid bowed and left the room. Blood jumped into his bed. The curtains in the room were heavy and were all closed as if blocking something from peeking into the room. It was dimly lit and the only colours that could be found in this room were black and red. Blood stared at the ceiling and smiled. He drowned back into his thoughts of the blood he had had. The more he thought of it, the more satisfied he was but at the same time he was angry. It felt like finishing the last bit of meal and knowing that he would never have the taste of something like that again.59
Unable to sleep through the dawn, Blood walked to the hall where he left Deera late in the morning. The sun was shining brightly - much to Blood’s displeasure - but the heavy curtains did a good job blocking the deadly rays to enter. Deera was still lying unconscious next to the table - everything was just where it was, just as Blood had left them. Light tried to peep through the holes in the moth-eaten curtains.60
The beams of sunlight hit the floor centimetres away from Deera. The beams slowly moved towards her. Blood came closer and kicked her softly away from the light. He walked towards his chair and sat on it cockily watching Deera.61
Only a few hours later when the sun went to sleep did Deera show signs of waking up. Her eyes began to twitch and she groaned. She put her hand on her neck. The teeth marks were pulsing with pain. She looked at her wrist. The teeth mark on it was also pulsing. Her skin was paler than she remembered. She knew what had happened; she had gone over to the other side. She was among the undead now. Thinking of this she broke into tears.62
“Why are you crying Deera?” Blood’s voice echoed in the dark room.63
Deera gasped and wiped her tears as she stood up. Blood clapped his hands and light flooded the room. The girl shielded her eyes from the sudden burst of light and hissed with disapproval. 64
“I told you not to cry in front of me remember?” he said. “Welcome back into my family.”65
“I’m not in your family,” Deera spat. “You turned me into this monster! You’ll pay for it.”66
“Come, come, Deera. All vampires are proud to be vampires. Why can’t you be proud of being what you are?” Blood got up from his chair and walked towards her.67
“It’s the blood you drink which makes me hate being one of you. What gives you the pleasure of drinking a living person’s blood? I still think it’s horrible,” Deera added as she stood up and took a step backwards. She could feel her new teeth against her tongue.68
“The pleasure to drink blood comes when we gain immense power from it. During the wars with the Werewolves, vampires used mortals as the fuel for their fight, that’s how they won,” Blood said. “You’ll get used to it, when you have the taste of your first blood. Sadly you are the only vampire who cannot have mortal blood.”69
“Good for me. I’m glad I don’t have to drink blood of my kin, but no matter what, I will never have a taste for the blood of anything.”70
“That’s a big promise you’re making there. Why? Why do you deny the realities of your miserable life? You were meant to be one of us,” Blood said as he came closer to Deera.71
“I may be one of you right now, but I’ll never join you or have blood,” she cried and tripped.72
“Let’s see about that. A vampire can never stay away from blood. The very smell of blood makes their minds berserk. We just have to have it!” Blood clenched his fist.73
“You can have all of it if you want, you can even have my share!” Deera said. The conversation was interrupted by Bid. He brought a bag that was wriggling uncontrollably. There was something inside it, something alive. Blood motioned Bid to move towards the dining table. He put the bag on the table; the top was tied with a knot. Bid looked at Blood again, his Master nodded. He opened the bag and then put his hand into it. He took out a little bird and pinned it to the table. The bird squealed loudly. With his other hand he brandished a knife.74
“Stop it!” Deera cried.75
But Bid only did Blood’s bidding and he had already decapitated the poor critter. He tipped the body above the rim of a wineglass and held it for a while letting the blood drip into it. Deera flinched as she saw it. She almost felt like throwing up. She covered her mouth. Blood looked at her and smiled smugly.76
He pulled her to her feet. She pulled her hands away from his hand and took a step backwards. Bid placed the wineglass on a tray and presented it to Blood. He took the wineglass from his servant and twirled the wineglass as he offered it to Deera. She stared at the glass for a while. There was something inside her that told her to take it and drink it. She tried to fight it off. She looked at it for a few more seconds. Deera furiously tried to look away but she could not. It looked like as if it mesmerised her. No, I won’t take it. I won’t take it. It’s a trick. It’s what he wants, she kept telling herself in her mind. But she could not help it. Her hand slowly reached for the glass as if she was guided to do so. Blood smirked as he saw it happen before his eyes. He knew Deera could not resist the sight of blood. The wineglass came closer with every passing second to her lips. Deera looked at his face. He was certainly enjoying it.77
The rim of the wineglass touched her lips. She was about to tip the contents into her mouth. “Bottom’s up,” Blood smirked.78
Deera quickly threw the contents of the glass at Blood and then threw the glass at the wall breaking it into millions of tiny pieces. Bid’s jaw dropped. A glint shone from his eyes now. Blood licked the blood from his lips. “That was blood you just wasted,” he said.79
“Next time don’t give it to me,” Deera said.80
Blood grasped her arms, squeezing them tightly. “You are now one of my servants and you will do as I tell you too!” he cried angrily.81
Deera slapped the Master’s face and left a mark. “I will do no such thing. I will do as I want. Just let me go,” she said and then pushed him off.82
“Mm… Feisty, you are a good fighter. You should be Princess and we can be partners ruling this world.”83
“I was a princess before you took away my dad! And what’s to rule? You freaks annihilated everything.”84
“Yes, but we can make a better place with your help; a rebirth of this world is at hand, and I want you to help me.”85
“I don’t think so,” Deera spat as she stormed out of the place.86
Bid tried to stop her but Blood motioned him to stay where he was. “Let her go, we’ll find her. It’s not like she can go anywhere,” he mocked.87
Deera threw a dirty look at him and left in a hurry.88
“She’s not going anywhere,” Blood said. “She’s going to need blood and I’m the only one who can help her now.”89
Author notes
First Chapter
for contest write write write...
Middle name (dont really have one): but can use Yi-Yin (my chinese name)
Option: vegetarian vampire
A contest entry
- Contest.. EVIL CREATURES! xP by Ziee...
175 points, ended July 12, 2007, 9 entries
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Gold trophy winner
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Silver trophy winner
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Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SW Oscars - Best Horror Story - Invite Only! by Asfand.
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Bronze trophy winner
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Honorable mention
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
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amazing
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GREAT STORY!!!!!
GOOD LUCK IN ME CONTEST

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Okay well I wasn't to crash on this from the beginning. I just can't see the whole human race being wiped out by vampires, just doesnt seem doable seeing as how there are so many contries that overly populated it just wouldnt happen.
Thanks for entering and goodluck.
~Lady Madeline.
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Notes:
“She cursed under her breathe” – should be “breath” and not “breathe.” Several other people have already told you this, though. I’m surprised you haven’t gone back and fixed it by now.
“the complete opposite to what people had hoped for” – Should be “of what” I think.
“All of them had either died fighting the vampires or had turned into those monsters that roam around when the sun slept and hunt for fresh blood.” – The “into those monsters that roam around when the sun slept and hunt for fresh blood” part sounds awkward. “had” is past tense, “had turned” is past tense, but “roam” is present tense and “hunt” is present tense. You’re writing this story in past tense, as if it already happened, so you have to keep all of your tenses the same. Rewrite this sentence.
“Her blood was too precious for the night crawlers for they had been craving for her blood for more than too long.” – put comma after “crawlers”
“The Leader, Blood was the one who wanted her blood more than any of the vampires.” – put comma after “Blood”
“He was willing to kill - and he did - his own kind to get to it.” – the “and he did – his own kind” is awkward. Rewrite as “He was willing to kill his own kind – and he did – to get to it”
“And it was then when they hunted down half the population of humans for their grand feast to celebrate their victory against their foes.” – I thought ALL of the humans (except for Deera) were killed, not just half the population…
“Every night the population of the foul creatures escalated and the mortals’ emaciated and then finally overpowered.” – “mortals’ ” needs no apostrophe. Also, it should be “the mortals WERE emaciated”. Lastly, “emaciated” means thin/bony/shrunken. You’re using that word wrong here (unless you literally mean that the mortals were starved into becoming skinny…But I think what you really meant was that their numbers were reduced), so find a different word.
“His eyes were empty; without purpose.” – take out the semicolon and put either a comma there and/or put “and”.
“His fringe, brushed to the side, covered half of his face, revealing only one eye.” – you should make it clear that it’s his “fringe hair” and not some other kind of fringe thing.
“Deera punched the vampire’s face. She reached for her pockets hoping with all her heart and praying to the Great Creator to find a stake but there was none.” – Uh…How could she fit a stake in her pocket?
‘ “Blood wants your blood and that’s it, and I will do as he bids,” the obedient vampire grabbed her arm. ’ – at the end of the dialogue (after “bids”
, put a period and capitalize the word “the”. Only if you have a “he said” kind of thing do you have a comma and continue the sentence. If you don’t, and instead have action and no “he said” kind of thing at all, then you start a new sentence. Otherwise it’s like a run-on sentence.
“She cringed, scrunched her nose with disgust, as she saw one of them behead a tiny bird and pour its blood into his mouth.” –AJKHFLAJKFASFJLASL ANIMAL ABUSE!!!
Poor birdie!
“Then a female vampire eyes her” – “eyed,” not “eyes”
‘”It's a shame that the one he favours for the most is the one who would disregard him.” – it should be “favours the most” and not “favours for”
“There was a large dining table in the room, and on the far end sat him; the Leader, the Master, Blood.” – get rid of the semicolon. And “on the far end sat him” sounds a bit awkward (the ‘him” part does), but I’m not sure whether it is wrong or right. Anyway, a colon instead of that semicolon might work better here…
‘ “The warmth of your body, your blood, it courses through my veins; I must have your blood now,” he said greedily. ’ – I don’t understand how the girl’s blood can be in his veins if he hasn’t even bitten her yet…
“He bit her wrist, puncturing her skin with the pearly white and sharp denchers” – uhm, it’s “dentures,” not “denchers”
‘ “That felt good, like drinking an old bottle of wine aged for a long time in a dark cellar for a special occasion and this was the grand occasion” ’– put a comma after the first “occasion”
“he said as he licked off the blood from his lips lustfully.” – The order of your words is awkward. “he said as he lustfully licked the blood from his lips” is a little more coherent.
“The craving for human blood for a long time had finally been over - but for now.” – awkward. Get rid of the “but for now” and use “was” instead of “had finally been”
‘“If you die, you’re blood will not taste the same.” ’ – should be “your” and not “you’re”
“Her mind raced with a question; how? How could she still be human?” – use a colon, not a semicolon
‘“You think I’d turn you into a vampire too soon. I saved your blood for later. It was just too good for just one day.” ’ – what’s he trying to say? “You think I WOULD turn you into a vampire too soon?” or “You think I HAD turn you into a vampire too soon?” Either way, I don’t understand what he’s saying in that sentence.
“The Leader cursed under his breathe” – should be “breath”
‘ “I left some blood in her and the fool had to pull up a stunt,” ’ – you can PULL a stunt, but not pull UP a stunt…get rid of “up”
“the heavy curtains did a good job blocking the deadly rays to enter” – things don’t really “block things to enter”. They can, however, be “blocking the deadly rays FROM ENTERING”.
“Blood grasped her arms squeezing them tightly” – put a comma after “arms”
“Yes, but we can make a better place with your help; a rebirth of this world is at hand, and I want you to help me.” -
This is my favorite line in the whole story!
Overall this was an interesting story, though I wish more had been said about Deera’s dad and the fact that she was a princess…I’m also curious as to how she eventually gives in and returns to Blood. You did a good job writing this, though your grammar could use some work and the story would be more interesting if it had more description (and not the typical vampire-story description that we’ve all read a million times; something NEW). But anyway, I hope my editing will help you a bit on this story and any future stories you write, and I hope that you’ll listen to me and go back and fix the errors. And thank you for entering my contest.
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Hmm, an interesting concept, good emotion from the characters, and a well-done villain. I liked this! Although, the bit about the werewolf-vampire battle sounded alot like "Underworld".
There were a few grammatical problems here and there, as people have said before: "breathe" and "breath".
Goodluck in the contest, and congrats on being nominated. -
Hmm, there's a few commas missing here and there; "breathe" in some places are supposed to be, "breath" because one is and noun and one is a verb; a few "you'res" and "yours" and a few "tos" and "toos" are mixed up, but other than that, wow! This really is suspenseful. I see how you used the prompt "Vegetarian Vampire." It must be hard to resist blood now that she's a vampire. Anyway, this was really, really great. Good luck in the contests! You entered quite a few, good luck in all of them! ^_^


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well, the vegetarian prompt wasn't why i started writing this... it was written about a year ago... hehe...
Thanks for the comment!
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Woah. Creepy, imagine the world being ruled by vampires. It was mesmerizing from start to finish, and I like it. By the way, it's spelt "breath" not "breathe". Breath is the noun, while breathe is the verb. Apart from that this was amazing, not as scary as it was suspense, but great nonetheless.


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Another tale that wasn't quite what I expected when I started this contest- but another good read nonetheless!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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this was very interesting..i would never have thought that vampires would take over the world! thanks for entering, good luck
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oooo. spooky i loved it. great use of words and plenty of description.
good story, good luck in the contest -
ahan........okay....i've just started reading.........the beginning id very entertaining..its soo captivating.........it really draws a person inside.........
okay i've ended.........
wow....this was very enjoyable.......a little editting required here and there with typos but the flow was amazing........it was just the way it categorized..............very darka dn violent with blood and .......well freakishly scary!!!
awesome job!!! i hate vampire stories but this one was fantastic............u're new rite? aaez was the one who told me about u and he was write.......this was quite professional...........
nice job!!!
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Thanks for the comment, yeah i'm new here.
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I loved this story!
This was the best Vampire Story I have ever read!! Awesome job! Keep writing this story cause it rocks!! It was a little confusing at first with Blood. and then talking about blood after it. But all in all I loved it!

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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thanks
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