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She’s probably just with you for the money dumb ass. No way she would be with a sap like you. Wouldn’t you just love to take her head and slam it into the table?
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Uncomfortably shifting in his chair, Brandon was shocked at the voice that pounded in his head.
“Where in the hell did that come from?” he wondered to himself.
“Honey, are you alright?”
“What?”
“Are you okay....I mean you are dancing in your chair as though it was on fire.”
“Of course.. I’m fine,” Brandon answered though he didn’t know for sure.
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Look at how she acts like she cares....she doesn’t give a crap about you. I know your mind and heart, Brandon . You really want to kill her. You know she is having an affair with your best friend..Don’t be a pussy, Brandon. Go ahead, bash her head in.
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“Excuse me a moment dear, I....I need to go to the restroom.” he said as he jumped up from the table. Brandon was sweating profusely, and thought that surely he was having a nervous breakdown.
As he stood at the vanity, and looked in the mirror, his face looked as though it were someone else. It was still him in the mirror, just something behind his eyes was......unfamiliar. His normally green eyes were now black...
Brandon went through all the different sicknesses he had seen as a successful doctor, and he had never seen blackened eye color as a symptom. His pulse was racing and his vein in his forehead was throbbing and bulging out in time with his heartbeat.
Quickly splashing water onto his face, and regaining a bit of his composure, he went back to join his wife. Approaching the table from across the room, he noticed that his wife was talking to the waiter.
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There the bitch goes again Brandon! Trying to get a date with the waiter now. I guess your best friend wasn’t enough. She has to have him too? Just get it over with......You know you want to .
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Brandon strolled over to his wife, as the waiter walked away. He took her face in his large, gentle hands, and looked longingly into her eyes.
“Oh Brandon, you are so roman......Honey, what is wrong with your eyes?”
With one lightening quick movement, Brandon slammed her head down onto the glass table. It shattered under the force of the impact and shards of glass ripped through her face and neck. One large piece of glass turned at the impact, and stabbed directly into her eye socket.
Picking her head back up, and holding it in the air for all the shocked patrons to see, he picked up a large piece of glass and sliced her from ear to ear.
Just as she crumpled to the floor, two men tackled Brandon and held him down while the waiter called 911.
As the weight of the men held him securely on the floor, the suddenly green eyed Brandon was face to face with his wife, Sherice.
“Oh my God!!!!!! What happened to my wife? Someone call 911!!!!!!! She’s dead!!! She’s dead!!!”
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There now....isn’t that better, Brandon? I knew you had it in you, and I am so proud of you. You finally listened to me..... Didn’t that feel good? By the way, it was very nice to meet you........Oh, I didn’t introduce myself? I’m sorry......My name is Darkside.....Your Darkside to be exact....I’m that part of you that you pretend isn’t there.
Now, who else is feeling naughty out there?
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Author notes
Please note that this is the opening scene of an ongoing novel. Chapter one will be posted soon. I had trouble getting the italics to work when the "darkness" was speaking to my character, so for the time being, when the
"darkness" speaks it will be preceded by the following symbols~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Future installments will have italics as intended. I hope this is enjoyable to you all.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow. What an interesting piece of prose! I really thought it was weird and psychotic, but I liked it anyway.
Wow. Loved that last paragraph a whole lot. Please, continue. By all means!
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This was really good, I really liked your build up of the suspense, really leaves you hanging for more.
Ebb -
I didn't have any trouble at all with the separation of character. Great work!

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I remember us talking about suspense and the buildup in a story. Well even in this little tidbit you have started a great buildup. Can't wait to read the next part.
In read this and getting caught up in the story I didn't notice anywhere that needed any suggestions. Next time I will have to pay more attention
~*Brooke*~
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Works well...
Okay this is great stuff, and I totally understand your italics part, as I have the same problem, but it takes nothing away from the story, which sets us up for more.
You have drawn us in as a reader, leaving us wanting to know more, there is some very nice detail there too.
Great job,
Sarahhitch.
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Wow, that is an awesome start! I have a feeling that it may be a dream or fantasy maybe, or turn out that the rest of the novel is a flashback..... purely because of a public murder such as that would result in him being arrested! LOL This was really great though, I love the change in his eyes, that really helped show that he was temporarily taken over..... brilliant start!
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wwwwooooooooaawwwwwwww that was awesome!!!! i am seriously so interested in this story at the moment... i cant wait for you to post the rest. seriously, omigoodness. that was awesome. *tries to calm down*
i think it was good how you separated the two thoughts and goings on of the darkside and brandon and what was happening. i can only imagine the rest of the story... i cant wait to read it. good luck!!! -
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awwww shucks...
Dweller, I can always count on you to motivate me. Thanks so much for the kind words, and inspiration. I love that you love it!!! This novel is one that has stirred in my mind for a very long time, and now I am ready to finally put it down on paper. I will tell you that it is going to go somewhere you aren't expecting, so hang on for the ride!!! I really am thankful to you for helping me with your kind words.
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