Do Not Let your Hearts be Troubled

The soft sound of a door closing and the quiet creeping of steps were the only audible things in the dark, desolate bedroom that housed a field of emotion. John, extending a shaky hand to grip the handle of his walk-in closet, closed his eyes, repeating in his mind 'five minutes, just five minutes, and that's all.' Calmly, he opened the door and walked in, then enclosed himself within the darkness and took a labored breath. As that breath departed, he found himself overcome, falling to the ground and weeping softly to himself.

All he had been taught these years were lies. The love was a lie. The grace was a lie. The miracles were not miracles at all, but in fact were distractions to mess with his mind, to play and test his faith. How cruel. How sick and disturbed God must be to give him hope and snatch it away! How horrible he was for allowing the previous nights nightmares to happen, much more, make it happen. How dare he.

His son, Andrew, had been diagnosed with cancer two years past. Being a young seven, he was still a baby in his fathers mind. His baby. Treatment had begun soon after, but a few months into chemo, the doctors began to notice how unresponsive his tiny body was. Try as they might, nothing was helping, until Andrew suggested Faith.

They had always been a church-going family. He and his wife attended it occasionally throughout their twelve years of marriage, but finding stability and comfort proved to be a difficult task. But as the desperate times became exceedingly more desperate, his family found themselves at Faith Christian Fellowship, a church not far from their home, that Andrew himself had been with a friend of his. Soon after joining the fellowship, family life changed drastically to being devoted to God. It had changed from being wrapped around mourning what might happen, to being wrapped around healing what needed to be healed.

Three months earlier, the family had been given overwhelming news. Andrew was not only healing spiritually, but his body had begun to fight back. John wept for his answered prayers, for his astounding God, for the new found life and joy Andrew had been given, which in itself, had given his father more happiness he could've possibly imagined.

As the memories collided violently with his mind, he began to shudder. It didn't matter anymore. None of it mattered after this day, when his life had fallen to pieces from the loss of his wife and son, who had been in a car wreck the night before. God had dangled hope in front of him, but snatched it away as soon as he reached to grasp it. He was left with nothing. No wife to consol him, no son to tuck into bed, no joy, no friend. Nothing. He was left alone.

Suddenly, he sat upright as he heard a noise. The sound of thudding, heavy footsteps echoed in his hallway, sending his nerves aflame. Was he to die this day as well? He sprang to his feet and burst out of his closet, bracing himself for the expected blow to his bedroom door to match his fears of an intruder. To his surprise, there was a soft tap on the outside of his room, as if the stranger wanted to be welcomed before barging in to kill or steal, whatever his intentions were. John hesitated, not afraid of death, more afraid of finding out what was truth, and what was not, for as of this moment, he wasn't sure of anything.

"My friend," a familiar voice spoke softly, "I am sorry for walking in on my own, but please, let me speak with you."

Confusion swept over Johns thoughts. The voice was from a man he had just met the week before at a prayer group with his wife. They had spent a mere fifteen minutes talking that night, did that count as a friendship? Was the fact that they had met at a prayer group reason enough to trust him?

He found himself slowly moving towards the door, he had taken long enough to make up his mind, he had hoped the man would've left, taking the hint that talking was not a priority. As he inched the door ajar, he found the soft-spoken face smiling at him gently.

"Please forgive me for entering this way, but I had the feeling you would've barricaded the door at the sheer sign of human contact." He said as John opened the door wider, "I hope you remember me, I'm Isaac, from Paul and Michelles' prayer group." He paused, watching as the man before him tried to hide the fact that he had spent the previous moments crying. John nodded and stepped out of the way for Isaac to enter. "I have an interesting story to tell you, John, may I?" he asked, turning on the light to illuminate the somber room. The man walked over towards a couch that had been placed on the opposite side of where John stood, waiting for approval before continuing.

"Yes, Isaac, but if you would… make it brief." He sighed, attempting to bring calmness back to his reddened face. He stood with his arms crossed, trying to give all signals possible to show this visit would be ending soon. Isaac just nodded and smiled.

"Well John, last night, I was watching the football game, nothing special, wasn't talking to anyone, but I felt this need to pray. So, I followed the urge and did so, but what do I pray about, why am I even praying? Your name popped in my head suddenly, so I prayed for you. Just as suddenly, your wife and son came to mind, so I prayed for them, John I've only once prayed so hard in my life. Once.

"So I sat there for a good ten minutes, praying my heart out, when I heard my phone ring. I ignored it, finished my praying, then got up and checked my voicemail, sure enough it's from Paul, who tells me that there was a bad accident, and that they were all meeting at his house in thirty minutes to pray, and even though I'm a new guy to the group, they wanted to invite me to come over. So, naturally, I asked who we were praying for, and he said you, your wife, and your son, Andrew.

"Last night we were all over there for about an hour or two, and before I had to leave, I told Paul about had happened before I came over, and I told him I believed God was truly speaking to me. Just a little while ago I felt like I needed to be with you right now, where ever you were, and that's when Michelle called me and told me about your family…"

John felt a lump in the back of his throat and was occasionally holding his breath as the man talked. He felt as though if he attempted to breathe normally, tears would burst from within him like a waterfall, and there would be no controlling it. Isaac seemed to sense that, and smiled warmly.

"I won't tell anyone if you cry, John."

And with that, emotions flooded out from within him. He felt himself collapse against the couch with horrible jerking sobs deep from within his chest. Isaac sat down beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, praying quietly as the man broke down next to him.

"God is not punishing you, brother," Isaac whispered, "He has not deserted his child because he loves you so much. I do not know why this happened, nor does anyone else here. God works in mysterious ways, and everything he does has a reason behind it. You can be mad, you can be upset, but where will that lead you? Nowhere but torment. John 14:1-4 says 'Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.'"

"You know where your wife and son are now, John. They are with Father and Son, and that alone should comfort you. Praise God that your son no longer suffers, and your wife is free from worry. Death is not a bad thing. Although it might seem like the worst thing that can happen to a person from a human's perspective, but broaden your mind. See past that bleak perspective."

John trembled lightly, sobs no longer racked his body, but a steady stream of tears still flowed from his eyes as his friend comforted him. As realization hit him, he felt his view change. God had provided in a different way, he realized he had his prayers answered, but did not like the way they were answered. How selfish he seemed, but with good reason, he believed, only continuous thoughts proved that wrong.

The thought of rejoicing seemed in the back of his mind, but as the night wore on and Isaac continued to consol him, he felt a sense of peace seep into his heart. Soon, light sobs turned into light laughter as he played back memories of fun times. Isaac, as well, shared memories of his family who had passed on a few months before, and how that was how he had come to know God, and pray harder then imaginable. It was then, that John knew he was never alone, and never would be, for God is always there with some light at the end of a dark tunnel, to illuminate the darkest of rooms, wherever you are.